More and More lazy stay at home wives

[musingsofacac]

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[Boidae]

Even the pain doctor that I take her to see said it is not good for her to be on the couch 12 to 14 hours a day and then she goes to bed. He said her pain appears to be manageable now and she should be doing more as it will help with her recovery(and he said laying around all day will not).

Any chance she could be suffering from depression?

 

[cerette]

You really shouldn't worry about lazy house wives in general, but focus on your own two.
How come you waited til after the divorce to tell #1 that you thought she was lazy? IMO you should have brought it up with her before it became a thing that irritated you terribly.
Now if you have the same problem again with wife #2, I would definitely suggest you talk to her about it before it gets out of hand.

 

[musingsofacac]

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[musingsofacac]

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[cerette]

I tried to tell my first wife, in delicate terms and she would bite my head off and have a thousand excuses. It got dropped. She had a lot more problems then being lazy. She became bored with things easily(whether cars or other things) and eventually she became bored with me and said she needed to go to the gym to work out.

After a year I found out her "gym workouts" were actually dates with her ex-boyfriend(who was also having an affair on his wife), and she wanted a divorce so she could marry him.

I tried to approach it very delicately again with my second wife(unlike what I said to my first wife after our divorce was final). I even addressed it from the doctor's point of view(we were both there), that it was not healthy for her to sit on the couch all day, that she needed to get up and move around. She left and stayed in a hotel for a couple days then came back home. So I dropped it for now.

Its not just my first wife and second wife. I know of several Christian men that are dealing with the same thing. They get the same results when they try to address it. Online in some other forums I have found we are not alone in this.

It is a problem.

If it's pure laziness, stop supporting her financially. If she doesn't do her duties, stop paying for her expenses. She's a grown up.
As long as you enable her to be lazy, her laziness will not want to disappear.

 

[Avniel]

Any chance she could be suffering from depression?

Is that an excuse?

 

[musingsofacac]

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[QueSeraSera]

You need to go back and read your own posts Musingface .A year ago you were complaining bout her working too much outside the home .

Read your own posts from a year ago .

With that being said - my second wife is basically a moderate Christian feminist. The biggest issues we have are in the area of gender roles, she does not believe in any set gender roles, and basically ignores anything I have tried to show her from the scriptures. For instance she has no problem with Mr. Moms and thinks its great when men realize their wives are smarter and able to make more money, so they stay home and take care of house and kids.

She does not believe the home is the woman's domain(contrary to the scriptures teachings of women being "keepers at home"). Please don't misunderstand me - I have no problem doing dishes or helping with laundry and I frequently do help.

I also have no problem with a woman working, however - I believe her focus should always be on her husband and her children. I believe if one person has to sacrifice their career for the other, it should always be the wife for her husband. A man is scripturally commanded to provide for his family, it is not an option, its a command. A woman on the other hand is commanded to care for her husband and children, where as a career is optional for her.[/QUOTE

 

[QueSeraSera]

So is your wife lazy or something else.

God's designed and built woman, for man(not the other way around). Its that simple - there is no wiggle room around that. God's design is that a woman center's her life around glorifying God, and she glorifes God by being the best help meet her husband could have. There is no question in her mind when there is conflict between career ambitions for herself and the needs of her husband or children, they always come first.

Her first role is a caretaker, for her husband, her children and her home. Her husbands first role is as provider and leader of his home. While he can certainly assist in caretaking, and she can assist in providing , they must always remember what roles come first.

The point is - this is not just some old fashion tradition, it a design woven throughout the scriptures from Genesis all the way through the New Testament epistles.

As far as my wife goes - I think she helps me out quite a bit when I have my kids(I am divorced and share custody). I do feel that when she works she is highly neglectful at times of the home and me as her husband(and that often her job comes first).

 

[QueSeraSera]

I tried to approach it very delicately again with my second wife(unlike what I said to my first wife after our divorce was final). I even addressed it from the doctor's point of view(we were both there), that it was not healthy for her to sit on the couch all day, that she needed to get up and move around. She left and stayed in a hotel for a couple days then came back home. So I dropped it for now.

Based on everything you have said ?Your firm beliefs ,how you talk about your ex wife and now your current wife of what 4 years ? You are headed towards a 2nd divorce and I don't think it has anything to do with "lazy house wives" .

 

[QueSeraSera]

I have had the unique experience of working from home full time for the last 7 years. Before that I worked from home on and off for about 3 years before that.

So I have had a front and center seat to see what some stay at home mom's do and do not do.

How ? Your wife worked as a nurse .And according to you she put her job outside of the home before you and your children(not hers ) on the weekends. How could your wife been a SAHM let a lone a lazy one if she was working FT outside the home ?

 

[ChristianGolfer]

I said if she was working 10 hours a day at the hospital then it would not bother me if I was doing more of the house work since we were both working. The problem with wife #2 was and still is - she took advantage of that and only did about 30% around the house, and I did about 70% of cooking and laundry and other household things.

How many hours a day were you working outside the home?

After she had her car accident last year and now is off work for neck and back pain I do about 90% now of everything, including the kids when I have them on the weekends.

Just to clarify, these are your kids from your first marriage? They are not your wife's kids? You have them on weekends. Do you think their step-mom should be doing as much caring for them as you do?

So with that being said tell me why you do or don't think we have a problem with lazy house wives?

You've given two examples from your own life. I don't think that can reasonably be generalized to all stay at home moms.

The stay at home moms I know are all super-productive. They're all cooking fresh healthy meals, cleaning, doing crafts, selling scentsy and such things, going to MOPS and PTA, helping at school and church. While I have no doubt there are some women who are lazy SAHMs, I don't really see it as a trend.

 

[musingsofacac]

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[musingsofacac]

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[QueSeraSera]

Yes and that was accurate. She did work too much. Her biggest problem whether she worked outside the home, or did not work outside the home was the neglect of her family and her home. As I said to someone on another forum - she is a great achiever at her education and her career.

She was A student highschool and college. She was one of the best nurses on her floor and was promoted to nurse manager. But when it comes to her home(and marriage) she is very lazy. I should have noticed this more when we were dating but I did not.

Then stop saying "house wife" . "House wife" indicates a SAHM . Your wife (current) is not a SAHM . She worked sounds like until she was injured (and I bet she still gets an income) 50 or so hours a week outside of the home and has no children .She is not a "house wife" .

She is married and has a house is not the same as "house wife" . The fact you call her lazy is really pathetic.

 

[musingsofacac]

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[musingsofacac]

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[QueSeraSera]

So technically right now for over a year she has been a stay at home wife.

No she is a person at home due to an injury . Does she have an income ? Tell the truth.

 

[musingsofacac]

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