Money frustrations with spouse

[displacedspirit]

Anyone else having a hard time getting on the same page financially with their spouse?

I know this is a common issue in marriage as money is a large percent of why couples fight, but Im just getting tired of it. I am in charge of the bills. Not because I really want to be, but because my DH doesn't really care about them. And also I really think he wouldn't be able to handle them. There have been a few times where I threw up my hands and said "Im not in charge of the finances anymore, you deal with them." To which he pretends to have and interest for a few days and then when one or two bills dont get paid on time I have to take over again. (I think he does this on purpose).

Recently he's been taking about buying a house. Something we both would like to do. Im more realistic about what steps we need to take in order to buy a house. He just wants to jump right into. I know this stems from how we were both raised. I was raised by planners. I am a planner. I need to look at everything that needs to happen and see what the best options are. He was raised by spontaneous non planners. They fly be the seat of their pants most of the time, but have to deal with the consequences later. Im in the process of looking over all of our finances, credit reports, bills, etc. to see what we need to do to get ready to buy a house. Besides doing the regular bills and budgeting. He is really no help in this area and it making it harder from me. He won't budget and he won't stick to any budget that I may come up with. He uses credit cards like extra money and doesn't understand why I get frustrated when the minimum payments are eating away at our regular budget.

Im tired of being the only that cares about our finances. Im praying he gets some kind of wake up call.

 

[akmom]

Been there! Early in our marriage my husband was the same way. I didn't do anything about it because I figured he wouldn't spend money he didn't have. But he just did. Any time he'd want something - anything at all - he'd just swipe that stupid card with zero plan for paying it off. It baffled me.

I tried getting rid of the card, but then he'd just over-draw the account, which was worse. Now we just have separate accounts. One "discretionary" for him, which X percent of his paycheck goes into, and the rest is for bills and food and stuff. If he really wants something, we can save up for it from the "general fund," so to speak, but that involves discussing it and doing some math, so it's not a problem.

That's how we handled it anyway.

The other way we tried to handle it was when he wanted something, I told him to just put it on his wish list, and at the end of the month after bills were paid, he could pick something from the wish list. Because I knew most of those things were impulse buys he wouldn't want later any way. But that didn't really go over well. Just an idea.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

Hang in there, and stay positive! You've heard the cliche that "opposites attract" ? Realize that your strength and your hubby's weaknesses can very well compliment each other and make for a stronger marriage!

Realize that God made woman man's "helper" for lots of reasons - they need us to help them in all areas even maturity and self-control!

I've seen lots of men behave irresponsibly concerning finances, but eventually with age and time they grew up! Please stay hopeful.

Try to keep extending grace and patience to him - which includes reeling him into reality of course as too not shipwreck you guys. Give him encouragement and room to rise to the occasion. Try not to nag, shame, or belittle him, or keep a record of his bad choices.

Pray daily for him concerning this area - I recommend "The Power of the Praying Wife" book of prayers by Stormie Omartian.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

He uses credit cards like extra money and doesn't understand why I get frustrated when the minimum payments are eating away at our regular budget.

You are only making minimum credit card payments.
Doesn't sound like you two are ready to buy a house.
M-Bob

 

[LinkH]

Why buy?

If you assume efficient markets, theoretically, you may come out just as well renting as long as you put your money in an investment that grows at the same rate as real estate. Remember, owners pay for insurance and maintenance.

There are certain reasons why investing in a house may be a good investment.

1. The utility gained from being able to do what you want with the place (poke holes in the wall, add a room, etc.)
2. An ability to beat the market by finding an especially good deal.
3. It's a way to 'force yourself' to 'save' by putting your money in an appreciating asset, since you know you aren't going to put your money in those alternative investments.
4. Tax benefits from investing in real estate.

 

[98cwitr]

Having joint accounts is NOT a great idea for a lot of couples. My wife and I have separate accounts. I handle the big bills and car stuff. She pays a percentage of our mortgage and the power bill (because she wants to control the A/C )

All in all, as long as you approach the convo with respect to individual income levels, and work out a fair percentage, I don't see a need in having joint accounts...just seems like a fight waiting to happen.

I am also a financial micromanager too though, and am doing everything I can to minimize debt while still having a life. If she wants a credit card, that's on her. Understand that your spouse's debt IS NOT YOURS.

 

[LinkH]

Joint accounts makes it really easy if someone dies. We do joint accounts unless it's a situation where there needs to be an account opened quickly and the other one can't be there to sign. That's happened to us before. We've got one account like that, but we don't keep the bulk of our money there.

 

[akmom]

You can have "separate" accounts and still have them technically be joint accounts, as long as you trust each other. My husband and I have access to each other's accounts, in case of emergency, but we just don't use each other's accounts because it's easier to have our own. In the case of a death, you have to close a joint account within 30-60 days anyway, and transfer the money to the spouse (unless you have some legal arrangement assigning funds to someone else).