money and Christians

[Numinous]

I am a 20 something male who has a very difficult time finding females who are compatible with myself. I grew up in a home where both of my parents were middle-middle class and worked in a factory their whole life. I didn't grow up with parents who bought me cars or showered me with luxuries. To this day, I am not a materialistic person, but I am ambitious. I'm not ambitious because I want money or want to buy things, it is because I enjoy challenge and learning.

So it isn't surprising then that I have some fairly high standards in this department when it comes to finding a Christian woman. The problem is, I have a difficult time finding Christian women who are ambitious or intellectual. It is the intellectual/ambitious part that is what I want in a spouse, regardless of occupation.

When I do find these women they are extremely materialistic and obsessed with status. My ex cheated on me because I refused to go to medical school even though I am in the process of obtaining my PhD. It would be one thing if this has happened to me just a few times, but it is becoming a recurring pattern and it is very disheartening. It is hard for me to reconcile that someone who attends church on a weekly basis, prays fervently, is involved with their church, vows chastity until marriage, knows the Bible front to back and still acts like this? Is it normal for ambitious people to be corrupted by greed this way? Does anyone else have any experiences with this? Is the solution to drop this criterion? The worst part is, this is really starting to take a toll on my self-esteem and make me regret my career choice. People who I otherwise would have been perfectly compatible with, but on this one issue decide I'm not right for them.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Numinous ... welcome to CF.

Are you involved in a church that teaches prosperity?
I'm not running into those type women ... but I"m in a completely different age category.

 

[Numinous]

Nope I don't. That would be a pretty good explanation if I did though! ha.

 

[Wookiee]

How do you define materialistic? As someone with numerous Christian female friends in the 17-30 age bracket, I can't say many of them have any problems when it materialism (short of an ex-girlfriend, I can't actually think of any). Most of them like to buy things they're interested in, certainly (video games, clothes, DVDs, etc.) but none of them spend money they don't have, or try to buy things that are more extravagant than they need.

In fact, most of them are university students so they generally appreciate the value of a dollar and trust God to provide what they need.

 

[Numinous]

How do you define materialistic? As someone with numerous Christian female friends in the 17-30 age bracket, I can't say many of them have any problems when it materialism (short of an ex-girlfriend, I can't actually think of any). Most of them like to buy things they're interested in, certainly (video games, clothes, DVDs, etc.) but none of them spend money they don't have, or try to buy things that are more extravagant than they need.

In fact, most of them are university students so they generally appreciate the value of a dollar and trust God to provide what they need.

I've had a string of devout "ambitious" Christian females ditch me solely because I don't make 300,000 a year. I don't think it gets much more straight forward than that. Guess this is a me problem.

 

[Wookiee]

If they've outright said that, then you're just finding the wrong ones. I'm about to get married and only pulling in under $20K, and my fiancée is probably making just a little more than that.

I can't imagine any of the Christian women I know only being interested in men who make a lot of money (they would, however, only be interested in ones who can at least make enough money to live when they're married).

 

[Messy]

I'm not ambitious because I want money or want to buy things, it is because I enjoy challenge and learning.

The problem is, I have a difficult time finding Christian women who are ambitious or intellectual. It is the intellectual/ambitious part that is what I want in a spouse, regardless of occupation.

When I do find these women they are extremely materialistic and obsessed with status.

I think most people who are ambitious are only ambitious because they want money and status.

 

[iluvatar5150]

I think most people who are ambitious are only ambitious because they want money and status.

How many ambitious people do you really know? Those I've known and have worked with have been driven primarily by a passion for what they do and a desire to excel at it.

I am a 20 something male who has a very difficult time finding females who are compatible with myself. I grew up in a home where both of my parents were middle-middle class and worked in a factory their whole life. I didn't grow up with parents who bought me cars or showered me with luxuries. To this day, I am not a materialistic person, but I am ambitious. I'm not ambitious because I want money or want to buy things, it is because I enjoy challenge and learning.

So it isn't surprising then that I have some fairly high standards in this department when it comes to finding a Christian woman. The problem is, I have a difficult time finding Christian women who are ambitious or intellectual. It is the intellectual/ambitious part that is what I want in a spouse, regardless of occupation.

Where do you live? If you don't live where a bunch of smart, ambitious people live, then move to a place where they live. It'll be easiest to find them in big cities, though other college towns might have enclaves, too.

 

[chapmic]

My advice is to change your criteria, the moment I stopped making criteria for potential mate is when I finally met the Love of my life. Submit to the Lord for he knows you better than you know yourself and he literally made you a woman that is the perfect fit for you. You will know who she is when you meet her and interact with her, you will know because you will literally feel it in your heart and it will feel so right that you will be waiting for something to be wrong. God is that good at pairing a potential mate, you will not need to check you checklist or criteria for a potential mate you will just know with your heart. God bless!

 

[pittsflyer]

Not all ambitious people do it for the status but almost all are ambitious for the money. Its not money for moneys sake (ie love of money). It is becuase their ambitions require large amounts of money. Just a few for instances, if someone wanted to start a bio-research lab so that they could direct how the research went rather than groveling for "grants" and being forced to report on things they were not interested in, etc etc.

Having large sums of money to self finance projects is HUGE freedom. Also if I come up with something ground breaking I dont have to give anyone else credit (other than partners doing the work wtih me) or my intellectual property.

 

[Texas101]

I am a 20 something male who has a very difficult time finding females who are compatible with myself. I grew up in a home where both of my parents were middle-middle class and worked in a factory their whole life. I didn't grow up with parents who bought me cars or showered me with luxuries. To this day, I am not a materialistic person, but I am ambitious. I'm not ambitious because I want money or want to buy things, it is because I enjoy challenge and learning.

So it isn't surprising then that I have some fairly high standards in this department when it comes to finding a Christian woman. The problem is, I have a difficult time finding Christian women who are ambitious or intellectual. It is the intellectual/ambitious part that is what I want in a spouse, regardless of occupation.

When I do find these women they are extremely materialistic and obsessed with status. My ex cheated on me because I refused to go to medical school even though I am in the process of obtaining my PhD. It would be one thing if this has happened to me just a few times, but it is becoming a recurring pattern and it is very disheartening. It is hard for me to reconcile that someone who attends church on a weekly basis, prays fervently, is involved with their church, vows chastity until marriage, knows the Bible front to back and still acts like this? Is it normal for ambitious people to be corrupted by greed this way? Does anyone else have any experiences with this? Is the solution to drop this criterion? The worst part is, this is really starting to take a toll on my self-esteem and make me regret my career choice. People who I otherwise would have been perfectly compatible with, but on this one issue decide I'm not right for them.

I'm in my 50's and have a very similar challenge. Let me see if I can give you a different perspective.

Sometimes those who are above average intelligence may have trouble finding someone with similar intellect. This does not equate to a life of loneliness. Finding someone with high emotional intellect, artistic talent, or a strong capacity for common sense can make terrific partners. I had a GF who was not on my intellectual plane but was very artistic and showed me the beauty in things that I often missed.

I'm not certain what your chosen career field is but I doubt its not a contributing factor. In my career field there are few women. With this in mind I selected hobbies that are less male centric. These hobbies allows me to meet my social needs.

I too have been disappointed in the quality of people at church, then I remind myself that they're human just like me. If they can take my short comings then I can accept theirs. Since we can't partner up with ourselves (the ideal match) finding a close enough match is about all we can expect. Relationships take hard work to make them work.

All for now
Comments invited

 

[pittsflyer]

Welcome to the club man, if you dont look like the brawny paper towel man then your going to fight an uphill battle. Cheating on you becasue you did not go to med school is a little extreme but not surprising especially if she was a healthy weight and a 7 or higher still in her early to mid 20's.

This is a hot womans prime time to pick the absolute best mate she can get her hands on because its not going to get any easier as time goes on. If she has 2 brain cells to rub together in her head she also knows this truth.

For less attractive people it does not really matter when you date because its just going to suck no matter what, throw an ad up ask some ok looking women out and settle with someone you can get it up for.

If you dont have great looks then your not doing yourself any favors picking a low income career, of course there is always that woman that says oh not all women are like that but they are not with you in your bed now are they.

I am a 20 something male who has a very difficult time finding females who are compatible with myself. I grew up in a home where both of my parents were middle-middle class and worked in a factory their whole life. I didn't grow up with parents who bought me cars or showered me with luxuries. To this day, I am not a materialistic person, but I am ambitious. I'm not ambitious because I want money or want to buy things, it is because I enjoy challenge and learning.

So it isn't surprising then that I have some fairly high standards in this department when it comes to finding a Christian woman. The problem is, I have a difficult time finding Christian women who are ambitious or intellectual. It is the intellectual/ambitious part that is what I want in a spouse, regardless of occupation.

When I do find these women they are extremely materialistic and obsessed with status. My ex cheated on me because I refused to go to medical school even though I am in the process of obtaining my PhD. It would be one thing if this has happened to me just a few times, but it is becoming a recurring pattern and it is very disheartening. It is hard for me to reconcile that someone who attends church on a weekly basis, prays fervently, is involved with their church, vows chastity until marriage, knows the Bible front to back and still acts like this? Is it normal for ambitious people to be corrupted by greed this way? Does anyone else have any experiences with this? Is the solution to drop this criterion? The worst part is, this is really starting to take a toll on my self-esteem and make me regret my career choice. People who I otherwise would have been perfectly compatible with, but on this one issue decide I'm not right for them.