This is my first post here. I'm in a loving committed relationship which has been moving more towards marriage in the past couple of months. This wouldn't happen for a while, I would need to finish college first (my boyfriend is starting his masters next semester). This isn't the problem, its my mom. She refuses to listen to anything I say about my boyfriend. She says that she likes him very much but I can tell that the problem is that she is scared of eventually letting me go (I'm an only child). I feel as if she is living in denial. I don't know what to do. It upsets me that my mom can't be happy with me in this. I'm not sure how to talk to her about it or if I even should. I don't want to ruin my relationship with her, but I don't understand why she is doing this. Her actions are really starting to put stress on my boyfriend too because he doesn't want to have any part in messing up my relationship with my mom. I'm just so frustrated right now, I don't want to say anything to her I would regret. Any advice would be great! Thanks!
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
mom refusing to let go
- Thread starter speedychic16
- Start date
Thanks for the advice. I know I need to talk to her. Its just hard not knowing how she will react or even really what to say. She doesn't think I'm old enough to be in a serious relationship, but I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We're definitely old enough.
As for her actions... its mainly that she refuses to listen to me. One of the biggest things is that everytime I try to talk to her about this on the phone (I'm away at school) she acts like everything is ok and then a little while later I get a terrible email that is the complete opposite of how she was acting on the phone. She never actually just comes out and says what she's thinking though. Sometimes I almost feel as if she is completely against this relationship, just because she is scared of losing me. My boyfriend has assured me that he isn't going anywhere... but its still worrying me that this is going to frustrate him enough that I'll end up losing him.
As for her actions... its mainly that she refuses to listen to me. One of the biggest things is that everytime I try to talk to her about this on the phone (I'm away at school) she acts like everything is ok and then a little while later I get a terrible email that is the complete opposite of how she was acting on the phone. She never actually just comes out and says what she's thinking though. Sometimes I almost feel as if she is completely against this relationship, just because she is scared of losing me. My boyfriend has assured me that he isn't going anywhere... but its still worrying me that this is going to frustrate him enough that I'll end up losing him.
Upvote
0
- Mar 30, 2004
- 31,647
- 857
- 39
- Faith
- Un. Church of CA
- Marital Status
- Engaged
I'm an only child and so is my boyfriend, we were both raise by single mothers since age 6. (What a coincedence?) My mom is starting to come around, at first she was really, really jealous and even mad.
Upvote
0
PurpleBunny
Rabid Purple Bunny of the Apocalypse
My fiance is an only child as well and his mother is really having trouble letting go... because she thinks he can't think for himself and is doomed to failure if she's not directing his every action ...canadiancarebear said:
Upvote
0
wow... that sounds so much like my mom. I don't know what I can do to show her that I can think for myself. I just want her to be happy for me in this.PurpleBunny said:My fiance is an only child as well and his mother is really having trouble letting go... because she thinks he can't think for himself and is doomed to failure if she's not directing his every action ...
Upvote
0
Glorianna
I'm a proud Canadian who married an American!
speedychic16 said:
Wow, your situation seems a lot like mine. God has told me and my fiance to get married but my parents are scared to let me go. I would love to hear what people have to say about this too!
It's strange. My fiance is an only child and his parents are just fine with all of this. But it's my parents who have a son as well that are having the problem
Upvote
0
speedychic -
When you are next home, take some time alone with your Mom and invite her to tell you why she is so uncomfortable with you having a serious boyfriend, or if she is uncomfortable with this boy friend. Take notes. For real. Write down all of her objections - have them all out on the table.
Listen. Don't argue or rebutt. Just listen and take them all in and write them all down. Assure her that you will give consideration to every one of her objections.
Then tell her your objections - that you feel like you cannot share something that is very important to you with her... that sometimes you avoid talking with her becasue you sense her disapproval. Tell her all of this stuff that you are feeling and explaion that you want to remian close with her, you want to share with her and you want to have her involved in your life, but that her actions are making it hard for you to do so. Ask her if she will carefully consider your concerns as well.
Simply fully and face-to-face hearing her out may do a lot to clear the air! Insist that she put everything on the table and explain that she can't think of another reason why this is a bad idea next week... she might in several months, but most of her objections should come forth now.
You are very gently telling her that she can make a choice: She can continue to have you be a big part of her life, or she can chase you away and have you not come to her for advice and counsel and simply to share with her. Her choice.
When you are next home, take some time alone with your Mom and invite her to tell you why she is so uncomfortable with you having a serious boyfriend, or if she is uncomfortable with this boy friend. Take notes. For real. Write down all of her objections - have them all out on the table.
Listen. Don't argue or rebutt. Just listen and take them all in and write them all down. Assure her that you will give consideration to every one of her objections.
Then tell her your objections - that you feel like you cannot share something that is very important to you with her... that sometimes you avoid talking with her becasue you sense her disapproval. Tell her all of this stuff that you are feeling and explaion that you want to remian close with her, you want to share with her and you want to have her involved in your life, but that her actions are making it hard for you to do so. Ask her if she will carefully consider your concerns as well.
Simply fully and face-to-face hearing her out may do a lot to clear the air! Insist that she put everything on the table and explain that she can't think of another reason why this is a bad idea next week... she might in several months, but most of her objections should come forth now.
You are very gently telling her that she can make a choice: She can continue to have you be a big part of her life, or she can chase you away and have you not come to her for advice and counsel and simply to share with her. Her choice.
Upvote
0
That's really good advice. I'll have to do that when I go home for winter break. I know she doesn't have a problem with my boyfriend himself, just the idea in general. Hopefully this will really help!
Upvote
0
Similar threads
