Mom advice

aMancalledDavid said:

My mom was brought up in a preacher's household and has always had Christian influence in her life, and does profess belief in God. But, ever since CHRIST found me two years ago, I have noticed how her faith really is.

I am in love with God, He is the main topic of my thoughts and most discussions. I am only truly happy when talking about Him. My day is not complete unless I have devoted most of my time to thought about Him and Bible reading.

She hardly ever reads her bible, hardly talks about God, is not the nicest person, has a problem with complaining about things a lot and only talks about and focuses on worldly things. She has her good sides, just as everyone does, but I really don't see Christ in her. She likes watching tv more than reading her bible, I think she prays, not sure. And talks about her cats more than she's ever talked about God with me.

My problem is this; I know that she could be a much happier person if she would only devote herself to God. That she would be nicer to people, and actually start being more 'other-people' aware. I see so much potential, but I see her just snuffing it out with over-thinking about work, a 2 pack a week cigarette addiction, and self pity attitude she has. She just comes across as having a negative attitude most of the time, and even when I share with her SERIOUSLY PROFOUND spiritual experiences, writings, or revelations; she is indifferent. I question if she is truly even saved.

Her childhood has almost ruined her, where seeking God is concerned, she doesn't like other people. She got baptized just because she felt she had to. My grandpa has gotten somewhat better in his walk now days, but when my mom lived with him, he was a hypocrite, abusive of my grandma, strict and controlling. My mom to this day wants nothing at all to do with him, she says she has forgiven and moved on, but when you bring him up at all, you can almost feel her mood drop radically.

I have gotten to the point where I can just pray for her, and set a good example for her life and hope that although she is blind now that one day she will see. My dad, althought athiest, gave me such great advice with this(I live with my dad), love her for how she is, not how you want her to be.

Its hard, and takes so much patience to be with her, especially in public. I feel like I am almost constantly rebuking her and chastising her, telling her to not curse(probably says the f word at least 15 times a day.), telling her to be nice to people, to seek God, not to worry. I love my mom, so much, or else I would not try as hard as I do with her, but it's gotten to the point where I don't want to stay with her on the weekends or hang with her. I'd be in her room reading my bible, and she'd be on the couch infront of netflix.


What sparks this even more is loving my mom as I do, and seeing the grip satan has on her. It drags me down, and effects how I act with and around her. And even the negative and complaining attitude rubs off on me at times.

Input? Help?

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Romans 14:1 "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters."

Romans 14:3 "The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him."

Romans 14:4 "Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."

Romans 14:10-11 "You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat. It is written: "'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.'"

Matthew 7:2 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

1 Timothy 5:1 "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."

Proverbs 9:8 "Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you."

Proverbs 9:9 "Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning."

Luke 22:26 "But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."

Luke 12:28 "If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!"

Matthew 12:20 "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory."

This means he will not put our your faith or your hope, even if it is just a little hope left.

Hebrews 12:6 "because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

So then leave it up to God to discipline, if they have accepted him he will show them, teach and correct. If you are feeling frustrated just know God disciplines you because he loves you.

Consider yourself lucky to be discplined if God hated you he probably would have hardened your heart so you would not care anymore.

Exodus 4:21 "And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go."

Romans 1:28 "Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done."

Just bear them in patience, be loving and compassionate just as Christ has forgiven your sins and do not look down on them but be patient with them and gently try to show them where they have erred. Pray for them and love them as you would love yourself. You would not want to go to hell so try to patiently show them because you care and when the right time comes, who knows? They may change.

Ephesians 5:14 "for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."

Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.

I understand what you're saying. Just keeping reading your Bible, praying for her, etc. Your dad gave you good advice. We have to show Yahweh's love. Also, please bear in mind, we're to honor our parents.

You might pray and seek to exercise a type of positive reinforcement with her...where you watch like a hawk for anything Christ-like to come forth from her, and then give much encouraging support at that moment, ( or when the time is most appropriate ) for those things, while falling eerily silent and unresponsive to the bad stuff.

This way you'll be a good influence, without appearing to dishonor her, by remarking about her shortcomings.

May The Lord Be Pleased to Bless !

wm

aMancalledDavid said:

My mom was brought up in a preacher's household and has always had Christian influence in her life, and does profess belief in God. But, ever since CHRIST found me two years ago, I have noticed how her faith really is.

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Congrats on finding Christ

She hardly ever reads her bible, hardly talks about God, is not the nicest person, has a problem with complaining about things a lot and only talks about and focuses on worldly things. She has her good sides, just as everyone does, but I really don't see Christ in her. She likes watching tv more than reading her bible, I think she prays, not sure. And talks about her cats more than she's ever talked about God with me.

Click to expand...

Some people are more inward with their faith. As for the bible...well, some Christians have harder times than others with devoting the right amounts of time to it. Some have different views on bible study as well - some view it as something that is best done daily, others weekly, etc. Complaining is a common human trait that is undesirable. It does not necessarily mean the person is not close to God, though, it just may not be a mindset they have changed yet.

My problem is this; I know that she could be a much happier person if she would only devote herself to God. That she would be nicer to people, and actually start being more 'other-people' aware. I see so much potential, but I see her just snuffing it out with over-thinking about work, a 2 pack a week cigarette addiction, and self pity attitude she has. She just comes across as having a negative attitude most of the time, and even when I share with her SERIOUSLY PROFOUND spiritual experiences, writings, or revelations; she is indifferent. I question if she is truly even saved.

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I would love to just have a 2 pack a week cig addiction. Trust me, that's a very mild smoking addiction. Hopefully with her smoking that little she will be able to quit easily when she puts her mind to it.

Perhaps her complaining, worrying about work, and negative attitude indicate she is depressed or unhappy about life at the moment? Some people tend to be negative which can bring them down, or else they are negative because of things getting them down (not the same thing) You don't know for sure this is Christ not being in her though, although I hope He is, as He is the only one who can help.

Her childhood has almost ruined her, where seeking God is concerned, she doesn't like other people. She got baptized just because she felt she had to. My grandpa has gotten somewhat better in his walk now days, but when my mom lived with him, he was a hypocrite, abusive of my grandma, strict and controlling. My mom to this day wants nothing at all to do with him, she says she has forgiven and moved on, but when you bring him up at all, you can almost feel her mood drop radically.

Click to expand...

It is not always easy to talk about a troubled past, even if you have forgiven the person. Some people don't like to discuss the issues or about the person. And, sometimes even with forgiveness, you just don't have a desire to be around them much.

Its hard, and takes so much patience to be with her, especially in public. I feel like I am almost constantly rebuking her and chastising her, telling her to not curse(probably says the f word at least 15 times a day.), telling her to be nice to people, to seek God, not to worry. I love my mom, so much, or else I would not try as hard as I do with her, but it's gotten to the point where I don't want to stay with her on the weekends or hang with her. I'd be in her room reading my bible, and she'd be on the couch infront of netflix.

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I'm not seeing the issue. Your mother does not have to read the bible constantly to be a good Christian. Her hobby may be watching TV but this should not put you off from her. Worry is not easy to be shrugged off for everyone, either.

Honestly I think it sounds like you are being too hard on your mother. Different Christians can show it different ways, and I haven't seen any non-Christian signs yet, but human ones. Some people worry too much even if they have Christ, some smoke, some watch too much TV and don't read enough of their bibles. There is no such thing as a perfect Christian.

How about instead of judging your mother and her Christianity, you just love her?

That probably would be a nice change. I would say she's rather tired of being looked down on from your "enlightenment."

BL

aMancalledDavid said:

My mom was brought up in a preacher's household and has always had Christian influence in her life, and does profess belief in God. But, ever since CHRIST found me two years ago, I have noticed how her faith really is.

I am in love with God, He is the main topic of my thoughts and most discussions. I am only truly happy when talking about Him. My day is not complete unless I have devoted most of my time to thought about Him and Bible reading.

She hardly ever reads her bible, hardly talks about God, is not the nicest person, has a problem with complaining about things a lot and only talks about and focuses on worldly things. She has her good sides, just as everyone does, but I really don't see Christ in her. She likes watching tv more than reading her bible, I think she prays, not sure. And talks about her cats more than she's ever talked about God with me.

My problem is this; I know that she could be a much happier person if she would only devote herself to God. That she would be nicer to people, and actually start being more 'other-people' aware. I see so much potential, but I see her just snuffing it out with over-thinking about work, a 2 pack a week cigarette addiction, and self pity attitude she has. She just comes across as having a negative attitude most of the time, and even when I share with her SERIOUSLY PROFOUND spiritual experiences, writings, or revelations; she is indifferent. I question if she is truly even saved.

Her childhood has almost ruined her, where seeking God is concerned, she doesn't like other people. She got baptized just because she felt she had to. My grandpa has gotten somewhat better in his walk now days, but when my mom lived with him, he was a hypocrite, abusive of my grandma, strict and controlling. My mom to this day wants nothing at all to do with him, she says she has forgiven and moved on, but when you bring him up at all, you can almost feel her mood drop radically.

I have gotten to the point where I can just pray for her, and set a good example for her life and hope that although she is blind now that one day she will see. My dad, althought athiest, gave me such great advice with this(I live with my dad), love her for how she is, not how you want her to be.

Its hard, and takes so much patience to be with her, especially in public. I feel like I am almost constantly rebuking her and chastising her, telling her to not curse(probably says the f word at least 15 times a day.), telling her to be nice to people, to seek God, not to worry. I love my mom, so much, or else I would not try as hard as I do with her, but it's gotten to the point where I don't want to stay with her on the weekends or hang with her. I'd be in her room reading my bible, and she'd be on the couch infront of netflix.


What sparks this even more is loving my mom as I do, and seeing the grip satan has on her. It drags me down, and effects how I act with and around her. And even the negative and complaining attitude rubs off on me at times.

Input? Help?

Click to expand...

Notice the bold.

When you are the kid of a pastor, priest, preacher, minister, etc; you tend to be more critical of Christianity at large because of it.

My girlfriend is the daughter of a medically retired Army chaplain. Due to his illnesses he isn't always the greatest person to be around, but does his best to at least be aware of it. While she has not "rub" against the Christian faith, she does see that clergymen are indeed humans as well and far from perfect.


The best things you can do are...
1) Be aware of the effects of living in a household with hypocritical parents.
2) Pray for her.
3) Worry about your own salvation.

Any person who lives with parent that is supposed to be a good leader for others, yet is not for their own family will have an ax to grind. From the sound of your posts it is largely the behavior of your grandfather which has had this negative effect on your mom.

aMancalledDavid said:

And, E.C., you are so right
I am going to have to apply Christ's rule with my mom as with everyone else.
Love regardless, worry about my own salvation. I'm not responsible or in charge of her salvation, or anyone elses. They are. I just try to be a good, corrective influence. But even when I do that, I push too hard, become overbearing, and before I know it, the person is turned off.

Great, right?

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Sounds good to me

I'm glad you are being receptive to our advice and you do seem to genuinely want to help your mother. It's not always easy to know the right way to go about things like that. What I would do is be there for her right now as a son and friend, as you seem to have been doing, and then see where it goes from there.