Mixed Relationships

[jamesrwright3]

My girlfriend and I had our first fight about religion this evening. Somehow it came up that if we ever got married, we would have to go to separate churches. I am a Catholic, and she is a former Catholic who says that she will not worship inside of a Catholic church. I asked her if we could compromise,..I would go one week to her church and then the next week we could go to my church. I have no problems going to a non-Catholic church. The most important thing is Jesus. However, she didn't seem to like that idea...She says that she would not feel comfortable worshipping God inside of a Catholic church.

I am not sure what I should do if she is unwilling to compromise. She says that she would like for us to go to church together which is understandable. I just am not sure what to do. Is it worth it for me to pursue the relationship? Any thoughts?

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Has she kept up her faith in God and just left the Catholic church altogether, or has she completely lost her faith?

 

[JillLars]

If she is unwilling to compromise, that is a red flag. Perhaps you could both go and talk to a priest, or go to all the churches in your area and find one that you both like, including Catholic churches. It isn't fair for her to say "my way or the highway", this is an important issue that all couples need to work out before they get married. Its important that a couple is unified and has a church family to support them during their marriage.

 

[jamesrwright3]

No she goes to a non-denominational Bible based church. I wouldn't date someone that has no faith at all


Like I said before, she was very adamant about us going to church together. We are also disagreeing about which faith our children would be. I made it clear to her that I do not plan on changing faiths. I am just unsure what to do here. Should I get out now?

 

[JillLars]

Perhaps the two of you could sit down with a priest and she could get some of her misconceptions about catholicism cleared up (usually people fear things they don't understand.) If she is unwilling to even do this, then I would not continue things, a marriage is a partnership, both people need to give 100%, and she needs to be willing to make sacrafices too.

 

[DaveKerwin]

why is she dating you if you are catholic and she would not worship at a catholic church?

sounds off to me.

 

[Warrior Poet]

A. Why did she leave the Cath. church the reason i have no doubt lead to her animosity toward the church itself.

B. In my experience with others ex-Caths, have a lot of resentment towards the church.

C. If you wont change your religion and she wont change her stance he problems that you are having right now will only increase in size if at this point.

Get out now.

Warrior Poet

 

[jamesrwright3]

Well we are both commited Christians. Personally, I do not see the big deal as long as we both believe in the fundamental doctrines of Christianity.

We spoke again last night and said that it doesn't matter which denomination I choose..she said that she would still love me. I am just not sure if she is going to hold to that long term. We have only been dating 5 months.

 

[enslow]

We could also ask you why you are hung up on going to a Catholic church? Why not try an Anglican Church? (As long as it's not in the Westminster Diocese.... long story there....)

She may not be able to figure out why you cannot understand her feelings on this.

I was raised up in an Anglican church. While I love the doctrine of the Anglican church (recent events aside) I have no problems joining a United church. I'd say the two of you need to find a church where you can both be happy. Perhaps that means both of you uprooting from your current churches.

Enslow

 

[Warrior Poet]

Well we are both commited Christians. Personally, I do not see the big deal as long as we both believe in the fundamental doctrines of Christianity.

We spoke again last night and said that it doesn't matter which denomination I choose..she said that she would still love me. I am just not sure if she is going to hold to that long term. We have only been dating 5 months.

Then whats the problem???

Warrior Poet

 

[jamesrwright3]

Well one night it was a problem and then the next night it wasnt' a problem I am not sure if it will creep back up or not. I am hoping for the best. We will just have to wait and see.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Instead of focusing on whether it would be better for her or better for you, etc. Perhaps y'all should think about the children and how confused they would be if they were forced to worship in different churches because mommy thought one things and daddy thought something different. If they don't see unity between both of your beliefs (granted, couples will always have some opposing views but will usuaully work them out), it will teach them certain things about marriage that aren't true.

If she is unwilling to compromise about this, then what other things in the future will she be unwilling to compromise about?

 

[jamesrwright3]

I agree that it may cause problems and confusion for children down the road. I just am unsure what to do. I would hate to throw everything away. We do have a good relationship otherwise. Like I said, at least for myself, it's a relatively minor issue. I am fairly open minded and can see past the sectarian issues. I just wish there was an easier way.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Maybe you shouldn't look past the sectarian issues. I'm not trying to like pull you away from the Catholic church or anything But if these issues caused your SO to pull away from it, maybe it's something you should both look into together, so that you'll both be on the same ground in the long run.

 

[Angular]

Well we are both commited Christians. Personally, I do not see the big deal as long as we both believe in the fundamental doctrines of Christianity.

We spoke again last night and said that it doesn't matter which denomination I choose..she said that she would still love me. I am just not sure if she is going to hold to that long term. We have only been dating 5 months.

James, I'm not much help, but just thought I'd tell you that I am going through the same dilemma right now and we've been together 5 months, also. We both have strong ties to our churches mostly because of our families. I don't foresee any problems in our situations at the present time, however, there may be problems to come when children are involved. We pray a lot, asking God to lead us in the right direction. It just takes time I guess...and compromise.

 

[JOYfulbeliever]

It sounds to me that both of you are strong in your faith - and that is great.

I guess what it boils down to IMO, is - which is more important to you (both of you) - your faith and how/where you worship, or your relationship with each other?

Perhaps God is using this as a means to show you that this may not be the person for you? If you guys are having such problems with it, that is.

I agree with those that have said...if this is a source of problems for you now, things are NOT going to get better if/when you get married. In fact, it will only escalate...especially once children enter the equation.

Pray about it...