Mircale needed

[HoneyComb Son]

Hey there..i am asking for prayer..or something..i dont know..i know i probably wont accept it..as i have not for a long time...i dont know why i ask for help.when i dont want it...sounds bizarre.

i know others have been where I am..if anyone could help..i guess i am just reaching out to other believers here...sigh..i am asking for prayer for God to do something..a mircale..that is what i need..because honesty..i dont know how long it will take...probably this whole life for me to get back walking with God as i should.not what i am doing now..it isnt just as easy as repenting and submitting.and reading the word..i do all that..it is of the heart

sigh..like i said..my heart says never to repentance..to submission..to forgiving God..to letting go..to following God..to love and goodness..I am not lying..when I get closer to God..i fear so many things..which causes me to go away and sin...i wish i could trust God.and accept peoples help.but i just dont.

how does one comeback with a fear that stops you.and a extreme hatred against God which makes you hate his own word..

anyway.i just need to talk to some believers..prayer would be nice

God bless

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Praying for you. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

 

[Akathist]

Hey there..i am asking for prayer..or something..i dont know..i know i probably wont accept it..as i have not for a long time...i dont know why i ask for help.when i dont want it...sounds bizarre.

i know others have been where I am..if anyone could help..i guess i am just reaching out to other believers here...sigh..i am asking for prayer for God to do something..a mircale..that is what i need..because honesty..i dont know how long it will take...probably this whole life for me to get back walking with God as i should.not what i am doing now..it isnt just as easy as repenting and submitting.and reading the word..i do all that..it is of the heart

sigh..like i said..my heart says never to repentance..to submission..to forgiving God..to letting go..to following God..to love and goodness..I am not lying..when I get closer to God..i fear so many things..which causes me to go away and sin...i wish i could trust God.and accept peoples help.but i just dont.

how does one comeback with a fear that stops you.and a extreme hatred against God which makes you hate his own word..

anyway.i just need to talk to some believers..prayer would be nice

God bless

First I want to remind you that NOTHING can seperate you from the love of God. Not even the difficulties you are having right now. Even if you have trouble believing that God loves you this does not mean that God has trouble loving you.

I think that you might be having an unusual struggle with your spiritual life that needs the help of a Minister, Pastor or Priest and in which you can not completely resolve on your own. I believe that it would be especially helpful to have real life assistance so I hope that you will seek out a church and meet with the Minister, Pastor or Priest there and tell them what you have said here.

Some problems need prayers of others and they might need fasting but don't fast for religious reasons yourself right now. They might need the fasting of the church leader who would pray over you.

In the meantime, I suggest reading the psalms. Make the words of the psalms be your prayers. Psalm 50 is a great favorite of mine for this purpose and I have memorized it and try to say it once or twice a day. Pray the Lord's Prayer:
"Our Father Who are in heaven, hallowed be Thy (Your) name. Thy (Your) kingdom come, Thy (Your) will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Amen."

You mention something about forgiving God.... I would encourage you to read the book of Job in the Old Testement. I think that it might help you to realize just how powerful and omipotent God is. I suspect that whatever you want to forgive God about is some kind of resentment about some event or series of events in your life. Instead of resenting God for bad events, consider that God offered those negative things to try to help you in some fashion. God really doesn't offer us all the material riches and He does not really promise us that everything in our life will be wonderful and great. Remember that Christ said that in His earthly life He did not even have a place to lay his head.

What matters is our spiritual growth and not that we have things go the way we want them to go. Being disappointed with things in life could be used to grow spiritually, to focus us on what really matters: the next life.

Of course, I am just guessing at what you are having trouble forgiving God for. If I guessed wrong, forgive me. My guess was based on what I see so often with others and what used to cause me such distress in the past.

I felt so much better deep down in my spirit when I came to see that out of Love God had ended things in my life that I liked or didn't give me things I wanted. I came to see that God allowing certain people to die was not a punishment for anyone, but a bringing of someone home again. I have even come to see that the evil that people do is not God's will but the work of free will and I believe that it grieves God to see such violence and evil behavior that we have in this world.

I pray that you find a church and someone in real life to pray over you and help you.

My CF Link below this has prayers that I say when I am especially upset and some of these prayers I say everyday even when things are going well. Just click on the link.

 

[roseglass6370]

I said a prayer for you.

...and first off, you're already on the right track because you said yourself what is most important...trusting God.

You know in your heart what you want, you just need to take a leap of faith and know that God cares about you more than you could even comprehend. Also important, if you feel that God has hurt you in the past (which I'm getting the impression that you do) you must realize that God disciplines those He loves. God is many ways is like our earthly fathers who discipline us to teach us important lessons.

If you want to talk feel free to PM me.

God bless,
Brooke

 

[HoneyComb Son]

thank you so very much..it is hard to see what is in my heart...it is hard because of the intense fear i have about certain things...yes i honesty do feel God has hurt me in the past..sigh..

I dont know how long this will take..i know I am not ready to follow God as I should..I am affraid to..and affraid to let go and forgive..as what has happened and what i think God might be saying to me..

it is hard to talk about it and open up...
like i said..i talk about it about to other people..like now..but wanting help is different..apart of me does..but alot of me doesnt..i just feel shipwrecked.that my faith is shipwrecked..i feel shocked

I dont know how to explain what is going on..it is hard..i cant explain it..it is hard to get back to God..when i feel this way..

i feel like..i cant explain it...

it is good thought to talk about it..it is like i want help but dont....like i am affraid to take a leap of faith..affraid of the fear and pain i think i would feel...


anyway..if you all can just pray.i would highly thank you for that

God bless and take care

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I think you need to be more detailed. I understand that a part of you doesn't want to let go, but doesn't even a bigger part of you want to have peace? Please, be more detailed. Not only might there be someone here who has been through something similar before, but it might also help you by talking about it in detail, and really digging in to it.

Praying for you.

 

[Anti Existance]

A problem that isn't discussed cannot be solved. Don't be like me and walk around with a problem for years just spit it out in here, and we'll see what we can do. Your anonymous anyway, so you got nothing to lose.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

thanks for your replies..I do want peace..so much..as i am toremented by fear and anxiety all day..i just lost hope and trust in God..like honestly the last 5 years have been like hell..because of my ignorance in God and His ways..i didnt know Him..i thought of Him wrong.and i didnt know it..it looked right to me.

it is hard to talk about what I am going through..first because i am ashamed and embarrassed.that for so long i have talked about it with people..trying to get help..but only to not "accept" it...i didnt do this blantly....i said..if you dont want to get better..then whats the point..i just came here..because i know i have to talk about it..

i dont want to ramble on and waste your time..
i just fear..it is hard to leap out on faith when you fear..and have such a hatred against God...i lost all hope and trust in Him..it is hard to explain..for me..i just cant do it..cant let go of things...

there are things in my life.that have happened..to me physically that bother me aswell...i have the gift of dream and visions..which because i was a new christian..full of zeal..took wrong.and was decieved by satan..satan came in sometimes in my dreams and pretended to be God.i thought it was..and was lead astray for the longest time in fear..this left a huge wound of fear..which is here today..i broke through that..with God's help..i found out i was listening to decieving spirits..i tested them and saw that they were evil spirits..

furthermore...there are things that have happened..that i might have to give up.that i really wanted to happen..that i blame God for..that i blame him for certain things he has told me..about marriage.and a wife..which has caused such anger..about my dreams..which i am affraid he wants me to change..

i know i blame God...i honestly blame this hurt on him..for taking the things i wanted so much away..

though i know i have to test what i hear..i have heard this alot..through dreams etc..i know i am not suppose to lean on them..but the word..which is what i am doing more..trust me.it is very hard for me.. i see things every night....i try as hard as i can..to the point where i am exhausted

i know somethings i heard could be not from God..somethings probably are..at the time..when i heard and felt these things..it hurt me so deeply..i felt betrayed....

sigh..there are just things that keep me where i am today..physical problems..marriage..dreams...etc..it is all in fear..i dont love anybody or myself or God....

for me..there is a bitter root against love and good..


i hope i explained some things to you...the last 4 or 5 years have been utterly exhausting and confusiing..sometimes like hell

i am at the point where my heart says never let go..never repent..never accept help..never change..etc..because I am affraid....

that is why it is hard.to want to get help..when you are affraid of it..of what may happen...

it is hard to come to God.when you dont believe in His love and goodness.as other people do..

thanks for all for listening.....God bless

 

[HoneyComb Son]

see..I am sorry to post again.i dont want to be a bother..I have bene here in this state for a long time...peopel have tried to help me....i know i am just complaining over and over..and just sometimes want attention..sigh..

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Don't be sorry for posting, that is what the forum is for. And don't be bothered about how long this has been going on for. Do you not remember the parable about the prodigal son? Or when Jesus told the parable about the sons who were asked to do something by their father? One of them said no, but later on changed his mind and did it. The other one said yes, but didn't do it. And it was the one who changed his mind that was saved.

How did God tell you that you won't get a wife? Did He forbid you from taking one or did He tell you that you will never find one? What does He want you to do that you are unwilling to do? It is good that you test spirits to hinder you from being deceived. I'm sorry you have been going through such a rough time, but I hope you won't let it extinguish your "flame" entirely. Please, keep searching and if possible, keep posting here! People here care, I know I do at least.

Still praying for you.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

thanks Onlythingavailable..

I know what i wrote sounds really weird..like with marriage and wife and all..and with dreams and visions..and with desires and things

all i can say to this..you would have to live it to experience it

I am not crazy or anything...I am seeking councellor help for my OCD..which we are dealing with

for me though.honestly this is so real..so very real to me..i grew in a church that thought dreams and visions were so much real..as the other gifts..they had really excellent teachings..some i wonder about..

but i had a zeal that kept me just wanting more.so i think i want to fast.and thought alot of godly teachings..wrong..about hearing from God..listening prayer...which i know for sure..The Holy Spirit told me i think about how the devil wounded me with "hearing from God"..i was thought about hearing from God..so i felt like all these impressions and thoughts were from God..which is wrong...but i didnt know any better..i honestly didnt know..because to me..scripture proved it..or atleast i was affraid to test the voice..as the devil pretended to be God.and said..if i tested it..it would be blasphemy against The Spirit.though i didnt hear this so clearly.i know the devil was saying that

but the fact is...i felt controlled..like i was hearing from God..all the time..every thought and all..every impression..i felt like a robot..which was dead wrong in beliefs.but i couldnt break it for the longest time..

i still dont understand it.but I am learning about hearing from Holy Spirit and God....Because of the devil i have been toremented with lies for the longest time

and with the trauma lift from my struggle with the unpardonable sin..which left me speechless for a short time..i couldnt speak beacuse i was affraid to..in every thought and word...it crippled me

but you can see..how deception has left me in a state which i am affraid to get close..because of blasphemy..affraid to open up because of it..as when i write..it sounds jagged and jumpy

it is fear...simple and short..fear and envy

it is hard to let go...because of all i went through with dread and fear...how i focused it on God.and Holy Spirit..even my hatred..

it still makes me hurt...

this is alot of truth....and even now i am being accused of blasphemy..i hope God can take what i said here..and heal me..with others knowing what i kept in the dark..
i still blame God..deep down...I just honestly dont want to let go yet..i am affraid too

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Testing isn't bad, in fact it is encouraged by Jesus.
Rev 2:2
I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:

I also have OCD, so I understand your troubles. I do not, however, believe that the OCD has the ability to cause us to blaspheme the Holy Spirit. What I mean is that what we do is different from what the OCD does. If humans can somehow understand OCD then how much more does God understand! Surely He knows exactly what you are going through. He also promised to always leave a way out of temptation. Would He leave you without a way out? I do not believe so!

If you test something, you do not accuse it of being evil. Because if you knew what it was before, then what would be the point of testing? If it is from God, it will be confirmed, if it is not, it will be revealed. Don't let fear guide your life. I suggest you also look up what blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is. I'm sure there are several threads just on this forum regarding it.

May God deliver you from evil!

 

[HoneyComb Son]

thanks..no i havent blasphemed the Holy Spirit..God has been healing me in that fear..so praise to Him

But there is still fear there..very hard to let go and trust

OCD..is something i am just reallizing that is effecting me.though i knew i have had it for a long time.i didnt realize the effects

it is fear that just causes me not to go to God..still does...i really dont know Him..though i read the bible..it is hard to get from head knowledge to heart knowledge

Peace is something i want...but certain things..that i think may be from God..still catch me..like i know we have to test..trust me..it is not just that easy for me..i dont know why it isnt

i just can say like..what if..that goes in my mind all the time..what if what if..lol..:S

ya...but hey..you have OCD..i know doubts come with it.and feelings that are not your own..how do you recognize the OCD and what it does..like i know the OCD isnt me..but its hard..when you feel like your lying when your not..or like you dont know.when you know something..hard to explain

thank you so very much for your replies..I just want to meet the real God!..to hear Him..i believe i have heard His kind voice..which brings me peace..but i just want to know Him..not to live in fear

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it's absolutely clear it isn't something from God, but there's still this doubt "what if." The sad part is that it is mostly "laziness" that makes me break certain "rituals" and patterns. Like when you spend 15 minutes brushing your teeth because it has to be done "right", you just go "enough!" and stop it.

Of course, that's an easy example. Something I suggest is seeing how it lines up with the word of God. Also see if there's some other reason why you would be getting these thoughts. Like you suddenly think a glass is poisonous (extreme, I know). Rationally you know that there is no reason this glass would be poisonous, but what if it's a warning from God! I usually then ask God to somehow confirm it if it is from Him. You know, I haven't put much conscious thought into this really. As usual when talking about OCD, I'm beginning to feel like I should be locked up!

We can rationalize away some of the OCD stuff, but sometimes it just isn't enough. That's when we need to turn to God. I wish I could give you some surefire way of seeing if it's true or false, but I'm afraid I can't. The most important thing we can do, though, is to rely on God and ask Him, because He certainly knows.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

ya..i am affraid that nothing i do is a good job..like for me..nothing is good enough.i am not being proud saying that..but that is how i feel..i want it to be..but because of fear..i do things..like nothing can be good job....i want it to be..but just cant

like telling truth and things..i feel like i am lying..and that i am like a lier and a murderer..and hater...like..its hard

LOL..i am not my OCD..its hard to see though...beacuse of fear..

thanks for replies..God bless

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Can we ever do something perfect? Sometimes when I pray, I start repeating certain things, thinking that I need to do it "perfect" for God to listen. But it just hit me, the reason I repeat is not because I think God didn't get it, but because it somehow gives me some sort of control. In prayer you don't have any control, you ask for God's help. But when I start repeating and trying to do it "right", I somehow "gain control." Of course, that's silly and there is no real control, it's all in God's hands.

Can we ever do something perfect? I don't think so. Only if God is with us and helps us can something be done. My point is, if God wants you to do something, He wouldn't ask you to do something that is impossible for you to do with His help. Don't trust in yourself, trust in God. The fear does no good, it only keeps you in place.

When do you feel like you are lying? All the time or only when it's about certain things?

 

[HoneyComb Son]

lying all the time..i cannot fully tell anyone when if i am being honest..lol

its really weird..and i know this though..satan is behind some of it..

just want to have peace..not to like try to everything perfect so i dont get in trouble..or so called found out..for doing nothing wrong

its strange...

 

[Onlythingavailable]

You know what is the truth, though, don't you? Could you give an example of what you mean?
When you try to make everything perfect, what exactly is it you do? Is it rational things that actually make it better, or something else?

 

[HoneyComb Son]

eh..I dont know what Gods expectations are...i dont know Him..honestly..i know He is love.and good..dont get me wrong...I am christian..a son of God

but knowing God..as who He is...heart knowledge.i have not gotten there.....for me..it is hard..as i think so black and white..as if i dont do a "good job"..than its sin..in God's sight..this is how i think..like the pefectionism i i seek is not perfectionism at all..its like fear-based..looking for something no one can obtain..as even a good job isnt good enough..as there will be little things i missed...my perception of a good job or like telling the truth is not right...i dont know the truth..in my heart..or understand it..i dont know what God expects..what does it mean to tell the truth..or a good job....:S

lol...:S

 

[Onlythingavailable]

The truth is that it is through Jesus Christ that we are saved. Not because of our own works or our own righteousness did God save us, but because of His grace. That doesn't mean we shouldn't do good as in help others, love others, be forgiving and humble, but our salvation is a gift.

God wants you to love Him, He wants to be with you. He doesn't want you to sit in a corner being afraid. In the Bible it says that we are given the right to call out to God with "Abba!", father. That's quite a gift!

About telling the truth. If I asked you if your online alias is "HoneyComb Son" would you feel like you're lying if you said yes? Or do you only feel like you're lying when it's about emotions etc, things that can't easily be proven right or wrong?