Minor Rant

[Epoh99]

OK, why are people so concerned with other people's fertility? I know we;ve discussed this a million times but I just don't get why it's so important to other people. Maybe since these people wanted and had kids they think everyone else does too.

So what brought this on? The stomach flu is going around my work. Last week I missed one day of work because...well I won't go into details but I was sick. I also missed church because I still wasn't feeling 100%. A friend of mine when she heard I was sick, and didn't even know what I was sick with!, emailed me "Are you pregnant? I would love to be a godmother!" UGH! That irritated me so much and I emailed her back right away that I didn't find that funny. She sent me a text message saying how I might be pregnant. This was making me so mad, I mean I was seriously having bad feelings toward my friend. Being pregnant would be devestating to me so I don't find it funny one bit. I finally told her to cut it out and was really firm with her.

Then, an elderly lady from church who emails me once in awhile emailed me, because I wasn't at church on Sunday, "Could we be hearing news soon of a little Epoh99 on the way? I couldn't think of anything more exciting..." I know she's elderly and could never understand that I wouldn't want kids but that email made me so mad!

 

[snoochface]

This is very common. The women I know, every time you mention being sick - not even just with stomach issues - the first thing they think of is you might be pregnant. I find it frustrating too.

There's no male equivalent of this that I know of. This is strictly a woman-thing. We don't appear to know how to take a hint, either.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Happens to me all the time too.

The thing is, I got sick plenty of times before I was married, but now that I'm married, sick must = pregnancy.

Then when I remind them that I'm infertile, I get assailed with stories about women who were told they were infertile and now have 8 kids.

 

[Rebekka]

It's funny that when men get sick, they get sick. There are lots of sicknesses they can have. It can be anything, really. Apparently, the only sickness women can have is pregnancy. And the funny thing of that is, that in the anti-childfree movement, equating sickness with pregnancy is not done because "pregnancy (or children) is not a disease". I find it ironic that the ones who can't understand that you might not want children and who state that pregnancy is not a disease, are the first to assume that when you are sick, you must be pregnant.

So is it a disease after all? Or only if the parenting side says it?

 

[Rembrandtfan]

That is annoying. That only happened to me once, but then again, I hardly ever get sick. However I've been asked if I'm pregnant a few times because I'm slightly overweight and it's all in my gut. I would never assume anything and ask someone that, even if they look like they can give birth any moment, I let them tell me.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

I get this all the time when I don't feel good. When I have my period I get really sick for a couple days, so I get to hear this once a month usually. Orchard just like you I hear the horrible stories about infertile women having children. This is encouraging when you want kids, but when you don't it is terrifying!

 

[bluebug83]

Wow. That is beyond presumptuous - assuming a woman is sick just because she has a couple day long stomach flu! I would be floored if anyone at work, church, etc assumed I was pregnant because I missed one or two days because of an illness. And some women don't even get sick as a symptom of pregnancy, my mom didn't and neither did one of our friends from church (who is due in a couple weeks).

Now I could see being suspicious of pregnancy if a woman runs to the bathroom sick every single day for a week or two. Or if a woman is scheduling regular doctor appointments at work. But even if there are reasons to be "suspicious", assume there is no news until the woman actually shares it.

And Epoh, I also find it presumptuous of your friend to assume if you have a baby she would be its godmother. Unless you happen to be really close best friends and it's pretty obvious - but I'm guessing that's not the case because if she knew you that well I'm sure she'd know you're childfree.

 

[Evangelina]

Do you think maybe people speak, then connect their brains? I know I've come out with absolute shockers that I cringe to think of - like saying to a friend who's a carrier of a nasty genetic disease and intends to go through IVF so she doesn't pass it on, "Oh at least it wouldn't be a disaster if you had an 'oops'" :o I felt like such a [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] once I re-engaged the brain. I think some people spend most of their lives in their own little world, forgetting that others have completely different goals and desires...

 

[Epoh99]

Well I'm over my irritation over the whole thing and it's nice to have some people who understand me about the whole thing. Thanks for the sympathy and understanding!

And Evangelina, I like what you said about people forgetting that others have different goals and desires. That's some good food for thought that can be applied to lots of areas of life.

 

[cherryblossom03]

I understand the frustration. Every time I don't feel well, my mother is hoping and praying that we're pregnant.

 

[MissFrizzle]

Oh, boy, do I understand!!

Everytime I am not feeling well I get, "are you pregnant?" I simply reply, "not possible" and go on with my day.

Hope you are feeling 100% better now! We have had a nasty bug circulating around, too.

 

[Evangelina]

PS. Sneeze/cough on them. Then tell them that if they come down with the same thing, you're not pregnant

 

[AveMaria]

I've found that an icy-cold stare, couple with something like, "Modern medicine has made that quite impossible, thank you. Would you like to see my surgical scars?" shuts 'em up pretty quickly.

(note: I haven't been 'fixed'. But they don't know that!)