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MICROSOFT TO RECYCLE UNUSED PUNCTUATION MARKS
AAP/Reuters 8.20pm, 16December 2017
The U.S. may have opted out of the Paris Climate Accord but U.S. commercial giant Microsoft is determined to show its support by dramatically reducing its E waste.
In a bold move, Microsoft has announced that it will be setting up recycling centres where customers can drop off old copies of its Windows Operating System. This used Windows software will be bulk freighted to Microsoft Recycling Centres in a number of South East Asian countries where young children will be employed to carefully pick out any unused full stops/periods and commas still left in the software. The recovered punctuation will be shipped back to the U.S. and other First World countries where it will be available for reuse.
A Microsoft spokesperson explained, that in the past, Microsoft had been overly generous with the quantity of assorted punctuation marks supplied with its Windows Operating System. As a result, unused punctuation was now becoming a major E waste hazard cluttering up Waste Disposal Depots across the country.
As well as recovering unused punctuation, Microsoft will also significantly reduce the quantity of punctuation supplied with new editions of Windows in an attempt to minimise wastage. According to Microsoft, recent customer research suggests that usage of punctuation has dropped dramatically in the last decade:
Microsoft’s punctuation waste management program will initially focus on full stops/periods and commas but there are plans to extend the concept to other punctuation marks.
While usage of full stops and commas has decreased there is evidence to suggest that usage of ‘!’ and ‘?’ has gone through the roof. Supplies of ‘!’ and ‘?’ will be increased in new versions of Windows. At the same time, nobody appears to know what ‘:’, ‘;’, ‘{‘and ‘[‘are used for.
Microsoft again;
Microsoft has also foreshadowed plans to reassess the usefulness of Capital Letters.
OB
AAP/Reuters 8.20pm, 16December 2017
The U.S. may have opted out of the Paris Climate Accord but U.S. commercial giant Microsoft is determined to show its support by dramatically reducing its E waste.
In a bold move, Microsoft has announced that it will be setting up recycling centres where customers can drop off old copies of its Windows Operating System. This used Windows software will be bulk freighted to Microsoft Recycling Centres in a number of South East Asian countries where young children will be employed to carefully pick out any unused full stops/periods and commas still left in the software. The recovered punctuation will be shipped back to the U.S. and other First World countries where it will be available for reuse.
A Microsoft spokesperson explained, that in the past, Microsoft had been overly generous with the quantity of assorted punctuation marks supplied with its Windows Operating System. As a result, unused punctuation was now becoming a major E waste hazard cluttering up Waste Disposal Depots across the country.
As well as recovering unused punctuation, Microsoft will also significantly reduce the quantity of punctuation supplied with new editions of Windows in an attempt to minimise wastage. According to Microsoft, recent customer research suggests that usage of punctuation has dropped dramatically in the last decade:
“Nobody’s using full stops or commas any more so we’re limiting supply to reduce wastage.” said Microsoft’s Chief of E Waste Management.
“In the unlikely event that customers, using the new Windows system, run out of full stops or commas, supplies of recycled, reconditioned punctuation will be available through Walmart at discounted prices.
We are also considering donating supplies to charitable outlets so that needy people have access to all the punctuation they need.”
“In the unlikely event that customers, using the new Windows system, run out of full stops or commas, supplies of recycled, reconditioned punctuation will be available through Walmart at discounted prices.
We are also considering donating supplies to charitable outlets so that needy people have access to all the punctuation they need.”
Microsoft’s punctuation waste management program will initially focus on full stops/periods and commas but there are plans to extend the concept to other punctuation marks.
While usage of full stops and commas has decreased there is evidence to suggest that usage of ‘!’ and ‘?’ has gone through the roof. Supplies of ‘!’ and ‘?’ will be increased in new versions of Windows. At the same time, nobody appears to know what ‘:’, ‘;’, ‘{‘and ‘[‘are used for.
Microsoft again;
“We’ve studied some archaic documents to see if we can work out what ‘:’, ‘;’, ‘{‘and ‘[‘ are all about with no luck. We think they are remnants of Emojis left over from 1993.
At this stage we’ll probably eliminate them from the Microsoft Punctuation Range and see if anyone notices.
We are now in the process of determining whether we can recover ‘:’ and ‘;’ and safely break them down to augment supplies of recycled ‘.’ and ‘,’. We are concerned that dumped supplies of ‘{‘and ‘[‘ may well be a major source of riverine pollution."
At this stage we’ll probably eliminate them from the Microsoft Punctuation Range and see if anyone notices.
We are now in the process of determining whether we can recover ‘:’ and ‘;’ and safely break them down to augment supplies of recycled ‘.’ and ‘,’. We are concerned that dumped supplies of ‘{‘and ‘[‘ may well be a major source of riverine pollution."
Microsoft has also foreshadowed plans to reassess the usefulness of Capital Letters.
OB
