Men & Women

[Life2Christ]

Is there more to the man/woman relationship other than sex? The bible's guidelines on the roles of men and women (married) always seemed off to me because they were so contrary in how I grew up. But as I get older, I'm seeing how men and women's roles (as God intended) are more pragmatic and sensible.

I grew up in a household where the women ruled all from the finances on down. Thus I became an adult who felt she had to be the leader of all in the household while the man took a lesser role (like my father did). My husband eventually did too. But this was normal and natural to me. My family's philosophy was, "let them most qualified take over".

EXCLUDING sex (intercourse and all associated with it), what is the TRUE purpose of a man/woman relationship as you believe God intended it?

 

[dayhiker]

I don't think there is a definitive list of responsibilities for husbands and wives in the Bible. All the countries around the Great Sea, Mediterranean Sea today, were patriarchal in Bible times. So that was the culture the Bible was written in. The effects strongly the way the Bible talks about these things. What amazes me is that this male leadership doesn't come thru even stronger in the Bible than it does.

If a couple wants the Male headship in their family, I think that can agree to that. Even if the wife is way better handling finances say that the husband. They can the husband say he delegates the oversight of that stuff to wife and she is to report to the husband about how its going. He is still the head, but she is doing the planning and work.

Of if the family decides that they want the wife to lead in everything, then say they are living a different culture was in the Bible days, matriarchal. The translate the principles of the Bible to their situation. I've said before I believe we can live as Christians in every culture.

In my marriage, I handles the finances. But my wife worked for quite a while in insurance. She understood that stuff much better than I did. So I let her handle all insurance issues. It was a real blessing to me that she knew that stuff.

 

[Life2Christ]

If a couple wants the Male headship in their family, I think that can agree to that.

Isn't this assumed in a Christian household?

 

[dayhiker]

It is assume when we take the view, and some teach this as God's command, that a patriarchal family is what God commands. I take a view that patriarchalism is a culture that isn't commanded. The command is to love one another. That can be worked out in many ways.

Now a wife that is comfortable leading is OK, but if the man isn't comfortable with her leading, then a lot of discussion has to take place to come to agreement.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet [suitable or proper] for him.” Genesis 2:18

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth...” Genesis 2:28

But there is more important knowledge to understand. It is tied directly to the purpose for human marriage and family. The way a husband loves, works with and leads his wife is intended to be a reflection of Christ’s leadership over His Church. The New Testament actually identifies the Church as Christ’s affianced bride. Many verses reveal this.

First, notice the following parallel between Christ and His Church, and human husbands and their wives: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church…That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:23, 27).

The Bible reveals that the converted husband’s relationship with his wife is a parallel of christ’s relationship to the Church! Christ works with His Church the way husbands are to work with their wives. He intends to “present it [the Church] to Himself,” in a marriage ceremony, with all spots, wrinkles and blemishes gone.

Now fully comprehend this awesome knowledge: Recall that the Father was able to beget Christ through a human woman and be consistent in reproducing within His own kind (Gen. 1:24-26). Similarly, Christ is God—meaning He is also of the “God kind.” Therefore, just as human beings would not marry animals, Christ could not marry outside the God kind.

Grasp this! At His Return, in one of the most awesome events in all history, Christ will marry his church—of the God kind!


All of the above has been taken as bits and pieces from this site I found which alot of it I agree with, and some I do not. Here is the link

The Purpose of Marriage – Ever Obsolete?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Here is another cool site

God's Three Purposes for Marriage - Christian Marriage Help and Advice

 

[iamauthentic]

Is there more to the man/woman relationship other than sex? The bible's guidelines on the roles of men and women (married) always seemed off to me because they were so contrary in how I grew up. But as I get older, I'm seeing how men and women's roles (as God intended) are more pragmatic and sensible.

I grew up in a household where the women ruled all from the finances on down. Thus I became an adult who felt she had to be the leader of all in the household while the man took a lesser role (like my father did). My husband eventually did too. But this was normal and natural to me. My family's philosophy was, "let them most qualified take over".

EXCLUDING sex (intercourse and all associated with it), what is the TRUE purpose of a man/woman relationship as you believe God intended it?[/quote]

1 Cor. 11:3
for husbands to love their wives just as Christ loves His Church and for wives to submit to their husbands as the heads of their wives just as Christ is the head of every man.

 

[blackribbon]

My husband wouldn't do home repairs when we first got married. I never understood this because he fixed F-14 fighter jets in the Navy. That was okay because I am very capable in this department....but what I learned was that IF I bought all the stuff and started the project, he was always drawn it and usually finished the repair...and a job well done. I learned, that if I wanted him to fix something...I'd have all the pieces and start it right before he walked in. If I didn't want his help, it needed to be done before he got home. I think that growing up, no one ever let him try anything and he was afraid he was incapable. If I had never stepped back (remember, I could do all these repairs), neither of us would have had the joy of finding out that he could be the "handyman" that he turned out to be.

As for finances, the person who holds the purse string is the "Boss"...flat and simple. When the woman does the finances, she is the "head of the house"...and that is not the model that God gives for a Christian marriage. So unless the man is incompetent financially or asks the wife to take over than role, I'd say that this is an area where women often emasculate men and turn them into "kids" by giving them "allowances" and "permission to spend" the money they earned. Initially I ran the finances...but my husband thought I wasn't spending wisely...so he took over. It about killed me to let go of the control...but honestly, the relief of not carrying that burden anymore was so wonderful. He paid all the bills that needed to be paid and then he handed me the checkbook with the amount I was allowed to freely spend on running the household. He never questioned my spending after that...and he suddenly started to spend less selfishly because he really saw that I was actually squeezing blood out of turnips much of the time. He was also able to make me feel really loved when he skipped out on something he normally would have bought in order to give me more spending money for groceries or things for the kids.

I am not passing judgement on anyone...I am just sharing my personal experience.

 

[blackribbon]

As for "more than sex"...my husband was my best friend and I was the person he turned to. If I had ever doubted it, after his death, it was more than verified. I can't believe the number of family and friends who really had no idea of what he really liked and what his dreams were. It didn't matter to him because he knew that I saw him as he really was and loved him anyway. 4 years later, I still feel lost because I don't have him to talk to. He actually loved me even on my most ugly and unlovable days.

What I got out of marriage beyond sex?...friendship and true acceptance.

 

[dayhiker]

That touches my heart. I hope more people find that type of relationship.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yeah I think everyone has said it best. Its just one of many gears in a marriage. All the gears are required for the clocktower (marriage) to run. For some certain gears are needed more then others. But if you keep all the gears in good condition the clocktower will last forever.

 

[exitstageright]

As for "more than sex"...my husband was my best friend and I was the person he turned to. If I had ever doubted it, after his death, it was more than verified. I can't believe the number of family and friends who really had no idea of what he really liked and what his dreams were. It didn't matter to him because he knew that I saw him as he really was and loved him anyway. 4 years later, I still feel lost because I don't have him to talk to. He actually loved me even on my most ugly and unlovable days.

What I got out of marriage beyond sex?...friendship and true acceptance.

That is where I differ. It is extremely hard for me to be lovable to someone who is not lovable to me. Yes,I have heard of couples getting into a fight before making love. I just could not do that. A woman fighting with me,either verbally,emotionally,or physically one of the biggest turn-offs that I can think of. I just cannot fight and .......well,you know,that other word that starts with an "F".

When someone fights me,I get very defensive,go into survival mode,and my sexual feelings just shuts down. I would rather be affectionate with my spouse,than to fight my spouse. Sure,there will always be conflicts. I try to negotiate,in order to make the conflict turn into a win-win situation. Because,nobody likes to lose.
I am not saying that a woman should be sweet all of the time. But,if there is more sour and bitterness than sweetness,then I do not want to be with that person. One's home should be a home of peace. The outside word is rough enough. One should find solace in one's own home.

 

[iambren]

I believe this question cannot be fully answered, it's mystical. The Bible parallels the church and Christ as bridegroom with the oneness a man and woman achieve. It brings in the word mystery to these ideas.

Solomon also listed the male/female relationship as something he (wisest of all men) could not explain.

I notice that on our boards it is so tempting to have gender battles but it's so stupid and unfulfilling because to put down one is at the expense of the other. Who wins this?

Imagine this---what if the whole world were women? Or the whole world was men? What would this world look like? Would it be a nicer, kinder, gentler, more loving place to be? My guess would be that it wouldn't no matter what gender prevailed.

No, it seems to me there is SOMETHING wonderful when maleness and femaleness combine. Genesis hints that it reflects the image of God. We turn to see our opposite and it seems only like a flicker, a flicker that for all the complaining the persistently seek, and wisely accept for wholeness.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

As for "more than sex"...my husband was my best friend and I was the person he turned to. If I had ever doubted it, after his death, it was more than verified. I can't believe the number of family and friends who really had no idea of what he really liked and what his dreams were. It didn't matter to him because he knew that I saw him as he really was and loved him anyway. 4 years later, I still feel lost because I don't have him to talk to. He actually loved me even on my most ugly and unlovable days.

What I got out of marriage beyond sex?...friendship and true acceptance.

Blackribbon, that is a beautiful tribute.

 

[blackribbon]

That is where I differ. It is extremely hard for me to be lovable to someone who is not lovable to me. Yes,I have heard of couples getting into a fight before making love. I just could not do that. A woman fighting with me,either verbally,emotionally,or physically one of the biggest turn-offs that I can think of. I just cannot fight and .......well,you know,that other word that starts with an "F".

When someone fights me,I get very defensive,go into survival mode,and my sexual feelings just shuts down. I would rather be affectionate with my spouse,than to fight my spouse. Sure,there will always be conflicts. I try to negotiate,in order to make the conflict turn into a win-win situation. Because,nobody likes to lose.
I am not saying that a woman should be sweet all of the time. But,if there is more sour and bitterness than sweetness,then I do not want to be with that person. One's home should be a home of peace. The outside word is rough enough. One should find solace in one's own home.

This isn't about sex at all. This about LOVING someone (not a eufhemism for sex)...this about the whole relationship. This about him still wanting to be married to me and being willing to hold me on the days that I was just overwhelmed with life and far from 'lovely'. In the hospital when he was recovering from major surgery, it was when he was tried to hunt down things that would make me more comfortable while I lived in the chair in his room. And I loved him him enough to tell him that it would be "okay" the day he walked in early crying and announced that he quit his job....knowing that meant he would never have health insurance again..besides not sure how the bills would be paid. (Turned out that it was a psychotic side affect of the meds he was on and they took him back. He actually loved that job.) It also meant that I took care of his needs first and lovingly even when I was covered with his vomit and had a bathroom of multiple bodily fluids waiting to be cleaned up. It meant that our last night together, he held me closely though it hurt him excessively to physically touch anything with his legs.

 

[exitstageright]

This isn't about sex at all. This about LOVING someone (not a eufhemism for sex)...this about the whole relationship. This about him still wanting to be married to me and being willing to hold me on the days that I was just overwhelmed with life and far from 'lovely'. In the hospital when he was recovering from major surgery, it was when he was tried to hunt down things that would make me more comfortable while I lived in the chair in his room. And I loved him him enough to tell him that it would be "okay" the day he walked in early crying and announced that he quit his job....knowing that meant he would never have health insurance again..besides not sure how the bills would be paid. (Turned out that it was a psychotic side affect of the meds he was on and they took him back. He actually loved that job.) It also meant that I took care of his needs first and lovingly even when I was covered with his vomit and had a bathroom of multiple bodily fluids waiting to be cleaned up. It meant that our last night together, he held me closely though it hurt him excessively to physically touch anything with his legs.

WOW! Now, I do understand.