Men and love

[tonya]

OK..let's be honest here...with all due respect to you men..most men do not show love and affection like women...that is for the most part just a fact..How do men show their love? I know at my house it is the swet kind things he does for me..washing dishes, making tea, watching our child when he knows I need a break, cutting the grass, etc., but you get the picture!! My friend says that lots of times her husband shows love through intimaciy in the bedroom. She says he is not one to say I love you or be real touchy feely, but he is in the bedroom...don't mean to be blunt here..but we all are christian adults soooo...

 

[Violet]

My husband is the complete opposite lol. He shows me by being affectionate. He's always telling me he loves me, holds me, buys me gifts...it's constant. BUT he never helps around the house AT ALL. I just think that every man shows affection in different ways.

 

[bkg]

OK..let's be honest here...with all due respect to you men..most men do not show love and affection like women...that is for the most part just a fact..How do men show their love?

Jimmy Evans talks about this on one of his relationship CD's... Men need sex to get in touch with their emotional side. Women need emotional needs met to get in touch with their sexual side. Talk about a conundrum!

I know at my house it is the swet kind things he does for me..washing dishes, making tea, watching our child when he knows I need a break, cutting the grass, etc., but you get the picture!! My friend says that lots of times her husband shows love through intimaciy in the bedroom. She says he is not one to say I love you or be real touchy feely, but he is in the bedroom...don't mean to be blunt here..but we all are christian adults soooo...

She's right about intimacy in the bedroom. I think that Jimmy Evan's hit this right on the head. My ex used to say that I would tell her I love her constantly in the bedroom, but hardly at all outside. Doesn't make it right, but we are different. If you have needs that are not being met, you really need to communicate about them and make sure he knows that you are not demanding, but asking. And when he fails, make sure you encourage by giving him positive feedback when he succeeds.

My ex asked me to be more affectionate and I resisted quite a bit. Then I tried it for a week - I fell in love with her again and absolutely loved how it made me feel. Taking the step and trying is critical, but don't force him to do it.

 

[Svt4Him]

Wow, what a thick brush you use to paint there. Ever read the book "The five love languages"? I do not believe that my wife is more affectionate or that she shows love more. I do believe that she wants to talk more, and I tend to say what I think is important. To imply that that is a lack of affection on my part is incorrect, as I as a guy think it would be more affectionate if she would just accept that I've told her everything important.

 

[tonya]

Wow, what a thick brush you use to paint there. Ever read the book "The five love languages"? I do not believe that my wife is more affectionate or that she shows love more. I do believe that she wants to talk more, and I tend to say what I think is important. To imply that that is a lack of affection on my part is incorrect, as I as a guy think it would be more affectionate if she would just accept that I've told her everything important.

I did not mean to imply that ALL men are like this...I just know that a vast majority of them are and I was just seeing what other people thought..I have one best friend that has a very affectionate hubby..picks her little gifts at the mall..hugs and kisses on her..etc...but the greater majotity of my friends do not havr that..I did not mean to step on any toes...

 

[Jenna]

My husband shows me that he loves me just as often as I do him. For the most part, we are on the same page. We both do things for each other to show that we care, like making a sandwich or bringing a glass of something cold on a hot day. It's just a whole bunch of little things back and forth, and he is very open to saying that he loves me. The only area that we are really different is in the bedroom. Shrugging off the stereotype, I am the one who is more sexually needy when it comes to showing and recieving love. So, I am usually the initiator and such, pestering my poor guy for sex constantly. Sheesh, darned women are just crazy sex mongers! *cracks up*

 

[selune]

lol!! My husband could sympathize with your husband. Darn it, why can't men and women peak at the same time?
on topic now...
My husband shows love in a variety of ways, flowers, cleaning, kissing, I never know what to expect next, just that he loves me.

 

[stonehands]

The five love languages was a great book that really helped out my wife and I. She would feel like I didn't show her enough affection, and I felt like I was doing everything I could to show her affection. The problem was that the way we would show each other affection. Because I really liked it when she would do little things for me, and because I really like it when she touches, and holds me, I would always be trying to do little things for her, make her food when she's hungry, little errands and what not just doing little things for her. She on the other hand likes cards and flowers, so she would be getting me those things all the time. We tend to show our affection to our spouse the way we like affection to be shown to us, because we like it so much, we think our spouse likes it, but that's not always the case. It may mean something to them, but if you were to show affection the way they wanted/needed it to be shown they would enjoy it much more. Since reading that book and finding out what each other appreciates the most we can better meet one anothers needs for affection in the way that we respond best. I know that with me now my wife will constantly rub on my shoulders or caress my head, and hug me a lot more, and I can tell that it really feels like she loves me more so than when she was trying to show me in the ways that she needed the affection. So now I also try to get her cards and leave her little notes all over because that is how she responds. So I think the problem is that everyone is different and need affection in different ways. It's not so much that men aren't showing affection, it's just that they do it in a different way because they respond themselves to affection differently. Women need to talk just for the sake of conversation, and us men need to talk only when something needs to be said. How many times have you women said "talk to me honey" and your husband will say "What do you want to talk about?" and then you get a little irritated at him and think well if you don't know then nevermind! Men are more practical about things and tend not to talk for the sake of conversation. Well anyway We've learned a lot from that book and now we are trying to meet each others needs in the ways that we respond best and it has gotten rid of a lot of the frustration that we used to have. I'm sure a lot of you men out there have been real physical with your wife touching and caressing and being as tender as you can be really feeling like you are showering your wife with affection, but she'll smack your hand away or automatically think you are wanting sex and get turned off because they feel like that is all you want because you haven't been showing her the affection she needs. Which leaves you frustrated and angry because you think you are showing all kinds of affection. Ok, that's enough outta me, I suggest everyone go buy that book along with "His Needs Her Needs" I think every marriage could benefit from these two books. You'll read things and go Aha!! that's why things are the way they are, or so that's why he does or doesn't do that, or Gosh I'm not showing her/him the love I thought I was in the way they respond. Hope this helps.

 

[brokenbananas]

The Five Love Languages is a good book. I wish my husband would read it. I need affection and touch and he's not big on either of those things.

The ways he shows me love are: he does a great job with our children in every respect, he always does a lot of the housework or whatever needs to be done without complaining (although we do have a housekeeper that comes once a week to do the major things), he's very task oriented, takes care of the cars, sings, dances, is really funny (used to do standup comedy), he's really creative, energetic, outgoing, he allows me to be me usually without it being a big deal, he likes to have us try different things that are out of the norm which makes life interesting, he puts our marriage above our children.

 

[Mistyfogg]

Sheesh, darned women are just crazy sex mongers! *cracks up*

Yah, my hubby has that complaint also !

As far as my husband showing affection, he tells me he loves me countless times during the day. He will walk around the house and make up songs about me being beautiful and sing them to me. He is pretty affectionate with me and open about his feelings towards me. I am very affectionate towards him also, so I would say we are equal, and just show it in different ways. In the bedroom, he also shows a lot of affection (when he finally gives in to my pestering...hee hee). He also helps out around the house (except cooking unless it is grilling).

 

[E-beth]

I most definitely feel loved when I am helped around the house, especially when he does it before I feel overworked and get hurt feelings. And if I felt loved by knowing he cared enough to help me out with the tons of little things I do, I would be more relaxed and intimacy would follow. But if I feel underappreciated and taken for granted, I sorta put up my wall and don't wanna be bothered.

Keep the flowers and jewelery...all I want is the dishes done, the dust removed, and a nap with my mommy radar turned off.

 

[jko]

Your right, some men do not show their love. Whether it's their personality, not willing to show their soft side, or just not sure how to.

All I can say is, guys, show your lady love and respect. This is coming from someone who learned this the hard way. Do something special for her, treat her with respect.

 

[brokenbananas]

I forgot something else that my husband is super good at that totally shows me love...when I feel we really need to talk or he feels that I need him for venting or something, he makes himself available and will cancel everything else. It means so much to me that he wants to listen to me.

Smiles,
Doris