• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
  • We hope the site problems here are now solved, however, if you still have any issues, please start a ticket in Contact Us

Men and beauty

Anles

Active Member
Dec 28, 2007
44
6
✟22,694.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Why do you think that God created men to be attracted so strongly to physical beauty? Of all the characteristics for a woman to have, that is likely the least useful or important. Beauty alone contributes nothing to the betterment of society, unlike intelligence or creativity or even just kindness.

I was having a phone conversation with a single male friend last night and we began talking about a buddy of his who is also single. I said tell me about him and what he's looking for. I have all kinds of delightful single female friends and thought that I might know of someone interesting to introduce to him. My friend's response was "skinny, blond, big boobs". That's it? Really? When I indicated that I thought his friend was shallow and that even if I knew a girl that was skinny, blond and had big boobs I would never inflict his buddy upon them, at which point he started backpedaling fast and said his pal wasn't really that shallow and was just really picky. Both guys are early 40s.

This seems to be a consistant thread in my dating world. I understand that there should and must be physical attraction, but why do you think God would make that be what men start with? Physical beauty fades quickly. Physical beauty is useless. Kindness, gentleness, intelligence, humor, creativity, industriousness, even fertility I would understand. But why the body? We don't even keep our body when it's all said and done!

Unfortunately it seems that Christian men are worse about this than the heathen men I hang out with. If a woman isn't a skinny little blond waif with big boobs they just pass over them. There is no chance for the fat or plain looking. Why do men not look for the heart and mind?

(...and don't come tell me that they do after they look at the package. It's too late at that point. You've already passed by some of the best and brightest and most interesting by then...)

I just see mean, hateful, hurtful, lazy women dating and hooking up just because they have great genes. And all around me are wonderful, clever, funny, intelligent, interesting women left alone.
Why would God set it up this way in the first place?
 

ido

Adios
May 7, 2007
30,938
2,308
✟71,288.00
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Green
IDK - do you really think it's a God thing that makes a lot of men that way? I think it's more of a wordly thing. Physical beauty is drastically different for every culture - yes, there is universal beauty, but for the most part what one culture finds attractive another does not.

I say good riddance to a man that would overlook me b/c I'm not his "physical ideal". I want a man that is going to appreciate my body, not love everything else about me and want me to change how I look.

If he doesn't like tall, curvy/athletic, redheads then he's not the guy for me. :p
 
Upvote 0

hope4today

Veteran
May 6, 2005
3,042
255
61
Perth
✟26,928.00
Faith
Christian
I agree with flnativegrl. the skinny, blonde, big boobs is a cultural, not a God thing. I mean, I really would have done better in Renoir's time. My round shape was very attractive then. It would have been me he wanted to paint, not the 'beauty' of today.

Each culture and time has its own idea of what beauty is, and then discriminates against those who don't fit it. Men are then conditioned to find that 'ideal' attractive.

I believe God's design would have a man who found a woman of true inner beauty, would also find her beautiful in body as well.
 
Upvote 0

jcj3803

Senior Member
Jan 11, 2007
856
51
✟23,772.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Single
Physical attractiveness indicates health which indicates the potential for healthy offspring. Males have an instinctive urge to continue the species.

BTW, the ugliest woman (on the inside) that I ever dated is a very pretty skinny blonde with big boobs.

How about we turn the tables? You'd date / marry a short, fat, bald, ugly guy as long as he was kind, industrious,etc and a Christian? What if a guy was in a wheelchair?

The sword cuts two ways, m'dear.
 
Upvote 0

hope4today

Veteran
May 6, 2005
3,042
255
61
Perth
✟26,928.00
Faith
Christian
Physical attractiveness indicates health which indicates the potential for healthy offspring. Males have an instinctive urge to continue the species.

This is an interesting thought. Trouble is, many of those posted as the beautiful ideal figure today are in fact unhealthily thin and may even have trouble producing and/or nurturing a child.
Even what is considered healthy is a very cultural thing.

I am definitely overweight at the moment but I am now, and always have been, very healthy. I rarely get sick and manage a very busy life.

I'm realistic though and realise that many men would have to get over the fact that I am overweight. That's ok, it doesn't offend me. It's just the way things are.
 
Upvote 0

Ignatius the Hermit

Saint-Aspirant
Jan 10, 2008
9,539
1,627
Green Bay, Wisconsin
✟52,868.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
Hi everyone. I'm new here, but couldn't resist this conversation, so here goes my own 2 cents worth. While it may be true that men are attracted to the physical beauty of a female, it shouldn't be the overriding impulse in establishing a relationship. It was meant to be that way, but because of the fall, it has damaged a males higher sense. I've known several females that can be just as superficial when it comes to dating. But the case remains; guys are more driven by looks. While I'm sure Adam couldn't keep his eyes off of Eve, he certainly had someone that he could talk to, and share his life with. Yet once he took a bite from the forbidden fruit, he turned and blamed his wife instead of taking responsibility for his own actions. It was just this kind of sin that most likely separated males and females from relating on equal footing.

With that said, I don't believe that females realize what happens within a guy when he sees a beautiful female. It can drive a man crazy. Check out the Bible and see how many males have fallen to their lusts when in the presence of a woman. Personally, I think there is a chemical reaction within a male that causes him to want more stimulation.

Now with all of that said, I would like to apologize about your male friends. Please don't assume we're all like that. WHile beauty is a plus, it is quite fleeting. Perhaps these guys have had traumatic realtionships in the past and don't want to try at it anymore.

When I think of the church, which is also known as the bride of Christ, I think of her as a beautiful woman, but also as an intelligent, nurturing, friendly, and creative companion of the Lord. This kind of imagery of how a relationship is supposed to be is in Ephesisans, and I must say, it is quite lovely.

Finally, I'm sorry for going on and on here, but don't give up on your friends, pray for them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Beauty4Ashes
Upvote 0
J

Jenster

Guest
Anles, that's a good question.

I think Kirk (Hi Kirk! Welcome to Mature Singles! :wave:) makes a really good point. There is an instinct in a man that makes him want to pursue a beautiful woman and propogate. But I agree with what Kirk said - that this impulse for many men is fleeting and they don't take it to mean they should only pursue women they find the most attractive.

There is hope. A lot of men have chosen to marry women to whom they are attracted in multiple ways -- spiritually, emotionally, etc. Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plenty of "non-supermodel" women are married. Within my own circle of church friends, two of the least (objectively) attractive women got married last year.

Finally, I'm sorry for going on and on here, but don't give up on your friends, pray for them.
As someone who appreciates good communication, I don't think you need to apologize. I'd rather see more communication and not less, especially when you have something to say! :)
 
Upvote 0

dluvs2trvl

What You See Is What You Get!
Nov 9, 2006
29,104
2,092
Washington
✟61,536.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Married
Welcome to CF Kirk! :wave:

I don't really have much to add the conversation as I think it has all pretty much been said...

I agree that the idea of beauty is a cultural thing and I don't think what is the standard for beauty in today's society is God's standard. His Word says in:

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

And in:

1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight

I believe that todays standard of beauty is a warped version of God's perfect design...

With that said, I think that what a man considers beautiful is individual to that man...yes, there are a lot of guys that go for the skinny blonde with big boobs but there are a lot of guys that have fallen in love with and married women that don't fit that stereotype.

So I guess we can't lump all men into one category just like we don't want them to lump all of us women into one category.

JMHO
 
Upvote 0

eatenbylocusts

Senior Veteran
Oct 13, 2005
5,208
340
59
✟29,434.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Married
Physical attractiveness indicates health which indicates the potential for healthy offspring. Males have an instinctive urge to continue the species.

That would make sense, but shouldn't intelligence be a consideration that would temper this a bit? What good is it if the woman bears a bunch of kids that are either genetically lacking in intelligence or just don't get nurtured in this area? I'm speaking of the instinctual realm because I know all the guys here actually consider more than looks. ;)

How about we turn the tables? You'd date / marry a short, fat, bald, ugly guy as long as he was kind, industrious,etc and a Christian? What if a guy was in a wheelchair?

I did. I wouldn't say he was ugly. He looked a lot better to me when he grew a goatee and every once in a while I thought his profile looked pretty nice. But, he was short, had a paunch, no muscle definition at all, and a wicked cough that made people uneasy. I've always thought the majority of women were more forgiving in this area.
 
Upvote 0

jcj3803

Senior Member
Jan 11, 2007
856
51
✟23,772.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Single
A lot of guys don't mind a woman who's dumb as rocks as long as she's good looking. In a potentially serious relationship, I put intelligence and personality above beauty. However, I notice a woman's looks first, SAT scores later.

Also, if I'm not at least somewhat attracted to her, it ain't goin' nowhere, no matter how wonderful she is as a person /Christian/intellectual. (But that's been discussed already.)

(BTW, I figured it out that you're carrying a cheesecake! Excellent choice but doesn't that attract locusts?)
 
Upvote 0

Anles

Active Member
Dec 28, 2007
44
6
✟22,694.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Wow! I go away to work and come back to find all kinds of interesting responses here! Go y'all!

I agree that beauty is a cultural thing and that we here are pretty wrapped up in the skinny, blond, waif look. It's just that every culture has their physical ideal though and that physical ideal is a strong draw to men of that culture. Does anyone know of a culture where men are initially drawn to personality or intelligence? Be interesting to know.

I just find it interesting that pretty universally men are drawn physically to certain women while women tend to be drawn by other things (humor, kindness, financial stability, etc). Physical attraction is certainly important to a relationship. I just find it questionable why it would be the initial and strongest factor for most. Dunno.

This conversation continued over dinner tonight (it's a fine conversation!) and the instigating guy questioned my premise as to it being part of God's original design. As Kirkhaven mentioned, perhaps it was a result of the fall and not at all a design element from God. Dunno. Scripture doesn't say, so far as I can tell.

So anyway... thanks for the thoughts. It's an interesting subject to chew on for a while! :)

(and thanks for playing, Kirk. You had a great post! Glad to have your input!)
 
Upvote 0

soccerdad66

Veteran
Apr 4, 2007
4,562
283
Washington
✟28,574.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Republican
Physical attractiveness indicates health which indicates the potential for healthy offspring. Males have an instinctive urge to continue the species.
Yup, scientistists (naturally from an evolutionary persceptive) said that males naturally attracted to women with big breasts cuz it indicated that they could nurse better.

From ancient times till the 1900s, larger women we actually preferred because they could have more children, do more work, etc. For many centuries, fat man were attractive because it was a sign of wealth, and so could provide.

While I'm sure Adam couldn't keep his eyes off of Eve...
Yah! She was naked :p

Sorry, I couldn't resist ^_^
 
Upvote 0
O

ondaball

Guest
Kirk - welcome to CF! That was a great post - heartfelt and insightful. Thanks for sharing!




Hi Bren-Gun Warrior Princess!

Deborah & fellow-female Judge Huldah are 2 of da best role models, yes? :pink: :tutu:

& who dares say that Monopoly needs a 'Get out of Jael' card? :idea:

Got him pegged, huh? :angel:

It's so good of anointed warrioresses to be so concerned that Bootle here has more than triple the UK average of painful breathing difficulties that you daily offer the laying on of hands to such sore throated, stiff-necked people :bow:

Bren, U R a genuine gem of a friend

Feel free to tell any long story & ask any probing question you like, OK?

OH: as I'm running late, I hope it's OK to post this @ Singles Forum's Girls For Rent? thread as it's so reassuringly on-topic



& I need to recommend VOD @ www.Genesis.TV & www.RevelationTV.com of today's/last night's wonderfully Brit flagship show, World In Focus - on nightly @ 9pm & followed by The Review, when you are asked to email/ring comments & questions

http://www.revelationtv.com/testimonies.aspx

It just had very pragmatic witty & caring boss of www.practicalprosperity.co.uk

Can't print their superb intro as I don't yet have unlimited emoticons/post length etc


It was their www.Genesis.TV & www.RevelationTV.com monthly board meeting

They work true wonders on an absolute shoestring budget & it was hosted by fellow-Scouser, Gordon Pettie, whose daily show 'In Conversation With ..' is SOOOO superb!

Must go!

Ian
 
Upvote 0

ido

Adios
May 7, 2007
30,938
2,308
✟71,288.00
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Green
Hi Bren-Gun Warrior Princess!

Deborah & fellow-female Judge Huldah are 2 of da best role models, yes? :pink: :tutu:

& who dares say that Monopoly needs a 'Get out of Jael' card? :idea:

Got him pegged, huh? :angel:

It's so good of anointed warrioresses to be so concerned that Bootle here has more than triple the UK average of painful breathing difficulties that you daily offer the laying on of hands to such sore throated, stiff-necked people :bow:

Bren, U R a genuine gem of a friend

Feel free to tell any long story & ask any probing question you like, OK?

OH: as I'm running late, I hope it's OK to post this @ Singles Forum's Girls For Rent? thread as it's so reassuringly on-topic



& I need to recommend VOD @ www.Genesis.TV & www.RevelationTV.com of today's/last night's wonderfully Brit flagship show, World In Focus - on nightly @ 9pm & followed by The Review, when you are asked to email/ring comments & questions

http://www.revelationtv.com/testimonies.aspx

It just had very pragmatic witty & caring boss of www.practicalprosperity.co.uk

Can't print their superb intro as I don't yet have unlimited emoticons/post length etc


It was their www.Genesis.TV & www.RevelationTV.com monthly board meeting

They work true wonders on an absolute shoestring budget & it was hosted by fellow-Scouser, Gordon Pettie, whose daily show 'In Conversation With ..' is SOOOO superb!

Must go!

Ian
:scratch:
 
Upvote 0

GritsnGrace

Legend
Sep 23, 2002
18,470
981
69
Louisiana
Visit site
✟45,528.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Well, I have had two husbands. one was a plain man, not really handsome, and one was very good looking. Although I was divorced from both, the second (handsome one) was more concerned with looks, etc than the first. He actually told me once, that he thought I only married because of his looks! Yeah, right!
If a man doesn't want to date me, because I don't look like a runway model, well, then, that's his loss.
 
Upvote 0