Memoir: Chapter 1

[The Barn Cat]

Chapter 1: Setting the Stage

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Do you believe that God creates puzzles in your life and all the pieces eventually fit together perfectly? Do you believe that God weaves webs and that it may be impossible to stand in the middle of the web and understand every detail, but when you stand afar it becomes apparent? What has God done in your life that you were too busy to see? Or, appreciate? Maybe you’ve heard the promise of God’s favor, but can’t see how it could possibly apply to your life. You’ve heard about God’s agape love, but have never felt it deep in your soul. I felt this way too. Until I saw how intricate the web of my life has been woven by the Mighty One. As I write this, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that God loves me beyond anything I can humanly imagine. How do I know? You will understand when I explain the beautiful story that God wrote for me using a barn cat. The puzzle he completed. The web he wove. The peace he provided. The love I know. All because of a barn cat we named Biggie Smalls.

I lost my wedding band set after a trip to Charleston around 2011. My husband bought me a new set for Christmas 2012. It was a 1950’s white gold set with a carat solitary. It may have been the most beautiful material possession I had ever owned. While I was cleaning out a closet in the spring of 2013, I found an unpacked suitcase hidden in the back. I opened it up and found my original wedding band set that I thought I lost in Charleston. Back then, Facebook was the place to announce all of the exciting things in your life, as cringy as it now seems. “Look what I found after all these years!” I tagged my husband in the post that displayed both of my wedding band sets, the new and the original. I had no idea that post would be seen by a lady I had never met in Tennessee. She was my husband’s Facebook friend and my oblivious post enraged her and set off a set of events that would change my life forever.

In the summer of 2013, I was doing my usual Saturday chores when my husband called me from work. I sat on the side of our king side bed. It was a cold conversation, “Hey. Um..I am leaving. I want a divorce”. I honestly don’t remember my response. My world shattered in an instant. We had been married for 18 years and had four wonderful daughters. From the outside, I am sure our life seemed idealistic. We had a beautiful home, a beautiful family and were actively involved in ministry. Months earlier I had discovered that my husband met a woman online from another state and had been having an “affair”. Can it be called an affair if it is through phone calls and emails? Absolutely. I learned through my healing process that this is called an emotional affair. He had forgot to pick up our youngest daughter from school. I was upset with him, but that was typical of our marriage at this point. We were both upset with each other over everything. We pretended to be this perfect family, but that was a lie. I don’t know what made me think to look at our cell phone bill to make sense of why he didn’t pick up our daughter, but I did. Instinct. That’s what some would call it, but I know it was God. When I first learned about “Tonya”, I was hurt and felt betrayed. However, I never thought my marriage would end because of virtual adultery. I learned later that the two were content with their long-distance relationship until I posted about finding my wedding band set on Facebook. She pushed for him to leave me or she would end their affair.

He obliged. He packed his bags and moved in with his parents across town. Let’s add more people to the list of betrayal: my in-laws. As I comforted crying children and pushed through a cloud of emotions, he enjoyed building his new life with “Tonya”. Eventually, he moved her to Georgia. They moved into a mobile home on a farm in a nearby community. He didn’t tell us she moved to Georgia, but we easily figured it out. Want to know how? When he needed new furniture for his new house with his new lady friend, my mother gave him extra pieces from her house. How generous! List of betrayal: add mother. Oh my, how the list is growing. I was perplexed why my mother would do such a thing. I spent hours obsessing over this fact. My father had an affair while she was pregnant, divorced her five days after my brother was born, married again within a month and moved across the country. I expected that she understood what I was experiencing. I wanted her pity! But, that I did not receive. Looking back, I realized I did not need her pity as I had more than enough for myself.

We set up visitation arrangements for him to see the girls. Our oldest was already 18, so she supervised. I refused to let them spend the night because I had come across emails where my husband and Tonya discussed kidnapping the children moving them to Tennessee where she previously lived. My lawyer agreed that if I could get him to agree, that would be the best decision. He visited with them at his parents’ house on Tuesdays and Sundays. Occasionally, he would take them to his mobile home on the farm to feed the horses. Remember, he didn’t know that we knew Tonya lived with him. So, it was always a quick visit and back to his parents. One day, while they were feeding the horses, they befriended a cat that was had just given birth to a large litter. They called her “mama cat”. For a weeks after that initial encounter, the girls would ask to go back to the farm to see the kittens. My husband would oblige and the girls fell in love. They would come home with stories about “mama cat” and her kittens.

I tell you all of this to show you the tunnel of despair that I was in and how God used a sinful situation to heal my heart. I trusted no one. I felt unlovable. Every man that I had ever trusted left me. My grandfather died when I was 11. My father left when I was 5. My husband left after nearly 20 years of marriage. I knew Jesus. I loved Him. But, at that moment, I didn’t trust Him either.

If I had not lost my rings, if I had not posted about finding them on Facebook, if my husband had never left, if Tonya had never moved to Georgia….then I would have never met Biggie Smalls. God could never have used a barn cat to heal my heart and my soul. God could have never used a barn cat to draw me closer to Him. Please understand, I am not condoning adultery or divorce. I deeply regret that my marriage failed. What I am saying is that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV).

Consider the story of Elias. In a small village nestled between rolling hills, lived Elias, a humble weaver known for his intricate tapestries. Though skilled, Elias faced many hardships, including losing his entire family to sickness and a severe drought that threatened his village. One hot evening, Elias welcomed Mirabelle, an elderly wanderer, into his home. Mirabelle shared stories of people overcoming impossible odds through faith, emphasizing that a greater Weaver was at work, weaving everything together for a purpose. Inspired, Elias wove a special tapestry depicting a thriving village, infusing each thread with prayers and hope. When the tapestry was completed, Elias hung it in the village square. People gathered, marveling at the intricate work and the hope it represented. Slowly, they began to find their own strength and faith rekindled. They worked together, conserving water and supporting one another. Miraculously, the rains returned. The river swelled, and the fields turned green once more. The village, once on the brink of despair, flourished. Elias's tapestry became a symbol of their collective faith and perseverance, a reminder that even in the darkest times, there was a greater plan at work. Years later, as Elias sat by his loom, now surrounded by a thriving family and a prosperous village, he often thought of Mirabelle and her stories. He realized that the divine Weaver had indeed been at work all along, weaving their lives together in a beautiful, intricate pattern.

By the way, just so you can see how God works in mysterious ways…Tonya was just one of many women that came along in the next ten years. She was just one piece of the puzzle. As I write this, I am reminded once again how marvelous God is. The true miracle may be that I can write about this without feeling anything except gratitude that He knew best for my life.

 

[The Barn Cat]

Chapter 2: Chicken and Dumplins’

At once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. Acts 9:20

Most southerners like chicken and dumplins’. I hear a lot of people going to Cracker Barrel for their famous dish. I like mine truly homemade. There is nothing more comforting that preparing the chicken and dumplins’ on a cool fall night when the steam from the big pot creates condensation on the windows in the kitchen. The smell of the chicken broth wafting through the house and the anticipation of the warm cooked dough sliding down to fill your belly. Did you know barn cats like chicken and dumplins’ too?

It wasn’t long after the girls started visiting the farm to see “mama cat” and her kittens that they decided they should bring them home for a visit. My oldest daughter drove the girls to my husband’s parents for visitation and home again. That night she pulled into our driveway with two extra passengers. As I always did, I met them at the front door. When I saw that my youngest two daughters each had a kitten in their hands I was filled with rage. I turned around and went back into the house without saying a word. I’m sure the girls knew I was angry. That was a regular occurrence during those days. I hate that they must have felt responsible for my emotions. “Mom! Look! Biggie and Smokey are here to spend the night!” All I could think was that my husband let the girls bring home two kittens to nurse his own guilt. Here I was alone, with four kids and a dog. How was I supposed to take care of anything else? Especially cats from the farm where he was living with another woman. How could he ask anymore of me? I was furious with him. Too furious to see how excited the girls were. Too angry to see how hurt they were. Too self-absorbed with my own unhappiness to see that they needed this. It was an attempt to fill their own void. I agreed to one night only.

I don’t remember the specifics now of how Biggie and Smokey ended up staying longer than the one night. But, I do remember resenting them. My girls will tell the story about how I made them stay in the garage. Until one evening. The kids had gone for their weekly visitation and I was in the kitchen making chicken and dumplins’. Steam filled the kitchen and made it warm and cozy. Biggie jumped on the kitchen counter looking to grab a piece of the chicken he smelled. I swatted him down and yelled at him. He sat at my feet while I finished cooking dinner. He didn’t move, just watched me. As a middle school teacher, I knew the importance of patience. I acknowledged that Biggie was sitting at my feet, waiting with patience for the chicken he failed to swipe. I appreciated his good manners. My teaching philosophy is firmly rooted in positive behavior interventions. For good behavior, you are rewarded. So, I decided that Biggie should be rewarded with a piece of chicken.

The girls arrived home expecting to find the kittens in the garage where they were banished. They expected to find an angry mom. They were surprised when they found their mama sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor feeding the kittens chicken and dumplins’. They came and sat with us and we watched and laughed as the kittens licked their paws after their plates were cleaned. I was so angry that I couldn’t feel any other emotions. That night as Biggie and I sat together on the kitchen floor and my anger subsided for a brief moment, I realized that I was lonely. So very lonely. Yes, I had four kids and their friends and a dog and two kittens. But, I was alone. Alone with the hurt that I couldn’t share. Alone with the fear that tormented my mind. Alone with the betrayal that filled my soul. I was alone. But, on that night Biggie was there to fill a void. Was I truly alone? No, God was with me every second. But, in those moments, I couldn’t feel His presence. So, He sent a farm cat.

The story of Saul's transformation into Paul is a powerful example of a profound change of heart and mind, illustrating the transformative power of encountering God and embracing a new understanding. Saul of Tarsus was a fervent Pharisee, known for his zealous persecution of early Christians. He believed that the followers of Jesus were blasphemers who needed to be stopped. Saul's dedication to eradicating the Christian movement was so intense that he went from house to house, dragging out both men and women and throwing them into prison.

One day, Saul obtained letters from the high priest, giving him the authority to arrest any Christians he found in the city of Damascus and bring them back to Jerusalem in chains. Armed with these letters, Saul set out for Damascus, determined to destroy the fledgling Christian community there. As Saul neared Damascus, something extraordinary happened. A bright light from heaven suddenly flashed around him, causing him to fall to the ground. He heard a voice saying, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?" Saul asked, "Who are you, Lord?" The voice replied, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do." Saul's companions stood speechless, hearing the sound but seeing no one. When Saul got up from the ground, he found that he was blind. His companions led him by the hand into Damascus, where he remained blind for three days, neither eating nor drinking.

In Damascus, there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord spoke to Ananias in a vision, instructing him to go to the house where Saul was staying. Ananias was understandably hesitant, knowing Saul's reputation as a fierce persecutor of Christians. But the Lord reassured him, saying, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."

Ananias obeyed and went to the house. He placed his hands on Saul and said, "Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up, was baptized, and after taking some food, regained his strength. “At once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God." Acts 9:20 (NIV)

Saul's transformation was complete. He stayed with the disciples in Damascus for several days and began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. All who heard him were amazed, asking, "Isn't he the man who caused havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name? And hasn't he come here to take them as prisoners to the chief priests?" But Saul grew more and more powerful and baffled the Jews living in Damascus by proving that Jesus is the Messiah. Saul's name was later changed to Paul, and he became one of the most influential apostles, spreading the message of Christianity far and wide. His letters to various Christian communities form a significant portion of the New Testament and continue to be foundational texts for Christians around the world.

God changed Saul. God changed me. On that fall evening, I changed my mind about a kitten that God had sent to show me I was not alone. He used Biggie to soften my heart. If God had not sent a farm cat to live with me, my heart may have remained hardened. How would that have affected my children? Would they have turned out the way they did? Thank you, God, for prompting me to cook chicken and dumplins’ that night. Thank you, God, for placing Biggie in my life. Thank you, for filling the void of my loneliness. Thank you, for changing my heart. Thank you.