Meltdowns - Please read!

I wanted to post a thread on here about my experiences with having what I call "meltdown" which are times where I just completely lose all control and cry for hours. These usually happen to me only about once a month or once every other month. They are usually spurred by a fight with my boyfriend and there is usually a high level of stress going on in my life.

Well I had a meltdown last night. I got into a fight with my boyfriend and he just made it worse. We ended up leaving our date with a couple of my friends. I cried so much on the way back home I threw up and he had to pull over several times.

Whenever I am in the middle of a meltdown he says I act "immature" and insane. He won't hold me or talk to me until I stop crying. He says I do not act like an adult and he doesn't want to marry me or have children by me acting this way. That just makes it worse. I feel so alone and so unloved by him. I feel like nobody else in the world knows what I'm going through. I turn to the Lord and pray to him and read my Bible. I eventually get calm down and we talk things over then.

I just don't know how to relax and calm myself down when I'm going through a meltdown. I cry so hard that I throw up and after I calm down my heart feels almost sore and my lungs feel sore from breathing so hard. I actually hyperventilated last night I cried so hard, which I have never done that before.

I decided to go back to getting Christian counseling which I stopped a few months ago because I didn't think I needed it anymore.

I have also decided to try and find a full time job so I can move out on my own and live in an apartment in the neighboring town that my boyfriend lives in. I feel God is leading me to do this because living with him before marriage is sinning against Him and that's the last thing I want to do. I want to please the Lord because He is the reason I am still alive today. If not for him I probably would have killed myself a long time ago because I can't handle my pain alone. He helps take it away.

I hope I don't sound crazy. I really am not insane. I hold down two jobs and go to school. I am getting my bachelor's degree in May. I am a big sister for Big Brothers Big Sisters. These meltdowns are my only hugh psychological downfall.

Please post your comments. Any and all advice would be appreciated as well as PRAYER! Please pray for me that I can overcome this emotional struggle and find healthy ways to cope, to gain control of my emotions and pray that God will open doors for me so I can support myself on my own. Thank you.

In Jesus' love,
Trinity

Thanks Kim for all of your great advice, help and prayers. I am just so let down with myself. I feel like I am not acting my age and am not emotioally intelligent enough. I feel like I need to just get out there on my own and try to figure out why I get so upset and find new and effective ways to cope. Someone else on here said my massive meltdowns could be linked to abuse in my childhood. He could be right. When I was sad as a child, I mean really upset, I would have meltdowns then to and nobody would do anything. They would just let me go and it was hard because that translated to me as = they don't care. And when my bf does the same thing, it's absolutely horrible. I am getting counseling this Wednesday from a Christian counselor that I was going to. I'm hoping he has something open. Please pray I can get passed this. I have realized that I not only have trouble coping with pain, I am having problems with stress to. I have been so stressed these days that all I want to do is nap or sleep to "escape it all". I can't keep doing this or I wont' get anything done. Thanks for your continued prayers. I wish others would post their thoughts on here too.

Thanks and God Bless, Kim!
Trinity