Meet the Parents?

[Princess Pea]

Maybe this question really belongs in the Courting Couples forum, but I thought I'd try it here first ...

At what point in a dating relationship is it appropriate to meet each other's parents? This is assuming a DATING relationship (not courtship) when you've both been independent adults for quite a few years, you live in the same town and your parents live about an hour's drive away. First date? Fourth date? Only after you've decided to be exclusive? Not unless you're talking about marriage?

Any thoughts, experiences, or opinions would be appreciated! Thanks!

 

[Jedi]

Personally, I think I'd wait until you've both decided to be exclusive. That way you're not just bringing every guy to meet your parents, and doing so would be a demonstration that you're serious about each other and that you have something worthwhile between the two of you (not just a casual fling).

 

[Nico]

i would always air on the side of cautious and wait a long time till introducing him to the parents. i suggested the possibility to a guy i was dating--it had been a couple of months but we weren't necessarily exclusive. and he freaked out. not good. i like to now leave it in his hands. when he's ready he'll ask me to meet his parents, then i can do the same....

 

[FaithfulServant]

Wait until you are both exclusive. You are serious about each other, but may not be considering marriage yet.

 

[CDN Red Raider]

i would wait until you were exclusive if you have been independent for while. your parents involvement is almost none at that age compared to what it would be for those around 20 when i think you should meet the parents pretty early on, even if it is just as friends.

 

[Bluelighted]

I totally agree with red raider.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Hmmm - that's definitely a different question for me - my dad is the pastor of my church....

 

[Princess Pea]

Thanks for your responses. To clarify, I'm not dating anyone right now, just looking for hindsight vision on my last relationship and some guidance for next time (assuming there is a next time!) Nico, the exact same thing happened to me! He freaked out, and that made me really spooky about asking him again. I like the idea of waiting for the guy to bring it up.

I'm going to try posting the same question on the women's forum - maybe some of the married woman will have additional insights.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Considering I've never dated a guy without it being exclusive (hate the thought of dating two at the same time - started heading down that path once, and after a week it was torture!!!), I have to say it depends on your situation.

If you're still at home, than it's only respectful for him to come upstairs (or inside) and meet your family before he takes you out - that was always the rule when I lived at home - we were never allowed to just meet people at the door and leave (unless it was like 3am or something, of course)

When you're away from your family it is a whole different ball game. Sometimes it's because you're still in the same city as your parents, whereas he isn't, so he comes over for Christmas to have some family around. I loved this - and it worked out well for us.

It all depends on your situation and what's going on at the time. I'd be at least waiting until you knew that he/she was going to be around for more than next week and a good sign that they are someone important to you is when you can't help but mention their name to your parents when you're chatting to them...

Sasch

 

[stubbornkelly]

For me, it's once we're exclusive and it looks like we might be heading toward marriage. Besides the fact that I live a fair distance from my parents, I just don't care to involve them with everyone. My cousin did that - brought all his little girlfriends over at Christmas, things like that, and to me that was just silly. They were never serious, just women he'd been dating for a while and didn't have any real intention toward being together long term. I won't do that.

But fifth date? Too soon. If it's been nine months or so (assuming we having escalated our relationship to the point we're talking about getting married already), I introduce them.