Happy New Years to all seeking freedom and meaningful change,
As we all face the beginning of a New Year, I wanted to give a big shout
out and affirm that a transition away from a life of addiction
controlled by same sex attractions is a journey demanding enduring
courage for any man who chooses this difficult but honorable pate. With
10 month of freedom from acting out, and surviving the destruction of a
marriage of many years, I have learned several valuable lessons which I
have been reflecting upon and want to share with any brother who will
listen. Rather than spend my New Year's Eve as in the past centered
upon myself, I have chosen to post these thoughts that it may give hope
to someone, but especially to married men searching to end the
uncontrollable cycle of addiction to same sex attractions. For me, I
experienced a hard crash which resulted in the destruction of a marriage
and family of over 25 years. I hope nothing as devastating as that will
occur in your life, to open your understanding and motivate you to take
control of your life, but if it does it could be the greatest gift
leading to significant and lasting change in your life.
As I ponder 2012 in passing and set my focus on the new year to come, I
am struck with this reality; as the stronghold of my sex addiction cycle
ended 2009, a life-long journey to reclaim my a `true masculine
manhood' began. On one hand there was death, but on the other
new life was about to dawn. Its craze how I struggled to deny I was
dying inside, that my marriage was gone, and I lived a secret life which
neither my wife nor young adult children knew anything about,
emprisoned by lowliness, isolation, fear, guilt, shame and
self-judgment. However. my painful death was inevitable, yet that's
were new life and hope seemto arise where none existed. I guess
that's what some call a paradox! As men how we fear death, but
just as greatly how we fear to truly life freely as real men free
from wandering and forever seeking to gain through our addiction what no
other person can supply. And all the while, becoming an instrument of
damage to them, ourselves, and the family we love. As the force of my
addiction cycle began to end for the 1st time in my life I began to
see through a different set of eyes. Like a man imprisoned within a dark
cold cave, as I moved towards the cave entry I became aware the
nearly blinding radiant light strangely was a force drawing me forward
out from my prison cave. Over the months, I began to slowly gain new
vision seeing with spiritual eyes, I quickly became aware of my painful
past and the various events and factors which contributed to my low
self- esteem and skewed self-image I possessed of myself as a man.
As the hour approaches towards the New Year, I am aware of men I have
men met along the way who have had similar experiences of gaining
understanding about past wounds, bruises and scars experienced in those
inner place which we fircely guard, and few are allowed to see. It seems
this event of looking back into our past presents a juncture leading to
two very different journeys. For the sake of time I will only mention
the path I chose chosen to take. As I stood at this crossroad, my
spiritual eyes began to open more fully enabling be to see not only a
clear vision into my past, and factors which contributed to my SSA, BUT
A FAR MORE POWERFUL VISION APPEARED AS I FOCUSED UPON A NEW FUTURE THAT WAS SET BEFOR ME POINTING ME IN AN ENTIRELY NEW AND DIFFEREN TDIRECTION. This new and different direction brought focus to a "new vision regarding my self-image as a man." This is the fork in the road I choose to pursue in 2009, and though I have experiences failures, I celebrate for more successes.
It has been this vision of a `very different masculine manhood'
from the one suggested by my same sex attractions that has given me the
courage to continually move toward and embrace my new identity as an
authentic man. In addition to this encourage force in my life, I have
had the joy of having many great men who looked past my SSA and
supported me to embraced the `vision of my godly masculine
manhood.'
In this New Year I seek to be even more intentional in pursing
authentic friendships as I pursue other men as brothers and not lovers.
I choose to be a giver and not a taker. I seek with new strength to call
out into the cave giving courage to all men who struggle with a wounded,
scared or crushed self-image. With passion I seek to announce to them
the good news of spiritual sight and the light of day awaiting them as
they take courage to come forth from the cave which has imprisoned them.
My hope for the 2013 is that as a members of the Christian Forums I can both encourage and be encourage by other authentic men on the same journey. I hope our
community will become known as a place where freedom from shame and
strength to courageously encourage one another on this journey towards
an `authentic masculine manhood' is greatly multiplied. My
personal goal is to forget what is behind, and press forward into the
new vision of my real and true purpose as a man. Regardless if you are
religious or not, I invite you to take courage and take numerous bold
steps far greater than you dared to take in 2012. Stalling out is not an
option for me; I hope I have encouraged you to be able to say the same.
If you are looking for someone to walk with you in 2013 give me a
shout out! I would be encouraged to learn what goals you have set for
2013, and how a `fresh or vision of manhood' has fired you up to
move forward in 2013.
Happy New Years,
RichardK
As we all face the beginning of a New Year, I wanted to give a big shout
out and affirm that a transition away from a life of addiction
controlled by same sex attractions is a journey demanding enduring
courage for any man who chooses this difficult but honorable pate. With
10 month of freedom from acting out, and surviving the destruction of a
marriage of many years, I have learned several valuable lessons which I
have been reflecting upon and want to share with any brother who will
listen. Rather than spend my New Year's Eve as in the past centered
upon myself, I have chosen to post these thoughts that it may give hope
to someone, but especially to married men searching to end the
uncontrollable cycle of addiction to same sex attractions. For me, I
experienced a hard crash which resulted in the destruction of a marriage
and family of over 25 years. I hope nothing as devastating as that will
occur in your life, to open your understanding and motivate you to take
control of your life, but if it does it could be the greatest gift
leading to significant and lasting change in your life.
As I ponder 2012 in passing and set my focus on the new year to come, I
am struck with this reality; as the stronghold of my sex addiction cycle
ended 2009, a life-long journey to reclaim my a `true masculine
manhood' began. On one hand there was death, but on the other
new life was about to dawn. Its craze how I struggled to deny I was
dying inside, that my marriage was gone, and I lived a secret life which
neither my wife nor young adult children knew anything about,
emprisoned by lowliness, isolation, fear, guilt, shame and
self-judgment. However. my painful death was inevitable, yet that's
were new life and hope seemto arise where none existed. I guess
that's what some call a paradox! As men how we fear death, but
just as greatly how we fear to truly life freely as real men free
from wandering and forever seeking to gain through our addiction what no
other person can supply. And all the while, becoming an instrument of
damage to them, ourselves, and the family we love. As the force of my
addiction cycle began to end for the 1st time in my life I began to
see through a different set of eyes. Like a man imprisoned within a dark
cold cave, as I moved towards the cave entry I became aware the
nearly blinding radiant light strangely was a force drawing me forward
out from my prison cave. Over the months, I began to slowly gain new
vision seeing with spiritual eyes, I quickly became aware of my painful
past and the various events and factors which contributed to my low
self- esteem and skewed self-image I possessed of myself as a man.
As the hour approaches towards the New Year, I am aware of men I have
men met along the way who have had similar experiences of gaining
understanding about past wounds, bruises and scars experienced in those
inner place which we fircely guard, and few are allowed to see. It seems
this event of looking back into our past presents a juncture leading to
two very different journeys. For the sake of time I will only mention
the path I chose chosen to take. As I stood at this crossroad, my
spiritual eyes began to open more fully enabling be to see not only a
clear vision into my past, and factors which contributed to my SSA, BUT
A FAR MORE POWERFUL VISION APPEARED AS I FOCUSED UPON A NEW FUTURE THAT WAS SET BEFOR ME POINTING ME IN AN ENTIRELY NEW AND DIFFEREN TDIRECTION. This new and different direction brought focus to a "new vision regarding my self-image as a man." This is the fork in the road I choose to pursue in 2009, and though I have experiences failures, I celebrate for more successes.
It has been this vision of a `very different masculine manhood'
from the one suggested by my same sex attractions that has given me the
courage to continually move toward and embrace my new identity as an
authentic man. In addition to this encourage force in my life, I have
had the joy of having many great men who looked past my SSA and
supported me to embraced the `vision of my godly masculine
manhood.'
In this New Year I seek to be even more intentional in pursing
authentic friendships as I pursue other men as brothers and not lovers.
I choose to be a giver and not a taker. I seek with new strength to call
out into the cave giving courage to all men who struggle with a wounded,
scared or crushed self-image. With passion I seek to announce to them
the good news of spiritual sight and the light of day awaiting them as
they take courage to come forth from the cave which has imprisoned them.
My hope for the 2013 is that as a members of the Christian Forums I can both encourage and be encourage by other authentic men on the same journey. I hope our
community will become known as a place where freedom from shame and
strength to courageously encourage one another on this journey towards
an `authentic masculine manhood' is greatly multiplied. My
personal goal is to forget what is behind, and press forward into the
new vision of my real and true purpose as a man. Regardless if you are
religious or not, I invite you to take courage and take numerous bold
steps far greater than you dared to take in 2012. Stalling out is not an
option for me; I hope I have encouraged you to be able to say the same.
If you are looking for someone to walk with you in 2013 give me a
shout out! I would be encouraged to learn what goals you have set for
2013, and how a `fresh or vision of manhood' has fired you up to
move forward in 2013.
Happy New Years,
RichardK
