maximising your "other" assets

[mercyfollowsme]

Hi,

I'm getting on, and know that i am no longer top drawer material. i am one of the oldest singles in my church. The single women i like never seem interested in me, so do i wait, and make the differential even greater over time, or go for someone that im not that interested in who likes me, or........ use a dating site and maximise the assets that i have.

it is a fact of life that rich, westerners are more eligible than people from other places. fact. its also a fact that people with "beauty" are more eligible than those who are not. is one attribute more holy, or spiritual than the other? aren't they both equally undeserved? i may have lost my youth, and the beauty that was there, but is it actually *wrong* to utilise my other assets that society may hypocrytically deem as being inappropriate?

To be clear, I am considering this as a possible action. For example, a single
american accountant bachelor in his 40s, never married, could be taken as a real catch by a 30 year old woman living in a slum in India. Is this wrong?
Is his wealth, nationality and comfortable life not an equally valid attribute as say devastating good looks and youth?

There are obvious pitfalls, a too-wide age range, culture differences, even different christian beliefs. But if singles in your area dont like you, there is a case for trying other countries where your assets will help.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

dont want to slay any sacred cows that religion has put in place, but who says that it is wrong - why ???? is it God ordained that good looking people are more blessed by having relationships? of course not.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

if marriage was completely in God's control, why is there a clear statistical correlation on what society calls beauty (superficial and arbitary) and being married. is it because God wants beautiful people to be married more than others - NO. it is the world we live in, and that our desires are what drive us. Spirituality does and should drive us, but it is not the number 1 factor unfortuately.

my singleness, has given me alot of time to think about this, and i do believe God keeps some people single, but you would also know this deeply. i am struggling with this, so bear in mind that i am offloading right now.

 

[Life2Christ]

and i do believe God keeps some people single,

I don't. God doesn't keep us single, dating, divorced or married. We all make our own decisions from our own motivations and desires. People who remain single either find it fulfililing or remain miserable. If someone is single for life, sometimes it is just circumstance. Sometimes it is just bad luck. The real issue is putting yourself out there in public to be eligible to date. That is what keeps people fearful.

Me? Spirituality drives me so I would rather be single than be married to a jerk. So if it takes me til age 90 to fall in love with a wonderful Christ-loving man, then I would rather wait. But if you are a young woman and want to have kids, I say, put yourself out there and see what happens. Be smart, honest and humble in your search and you will attract the same.

If a woman puts herself on the dating market and dresses provocatively or suggestively, she will attract typical garbage. Garbage in/ Garbage out.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

paul was single, but an exception

 

[Camalinda]

Mercy, I'm not sure there is anything morally wrong with what you are suggesting. Surely throughout history and even into present times, there have been arranged marriages. I would sort of see what you are suggesting as a type of arranged marriage. You would both have some information about each other but probably wouldn't really know each other as you would had you met in person, in real life and lived close by.

I myself would be concerned that the other person could be using me, in a sense, to just "get to America" or out of wherever they are. I don't like the way what I just typed sounds- I don't mean it to suggest that this is all any foreigner would want in agreeing to marry an American! It's just something I would wonder about.

Also, and again this could just be me- it almost sounds like you would be "settling" and that is sad. Love can certainly grow out of a marriage where you didn't really know each other beforehand. I'm sure in many arranged marriages, mutual love and respect DO happen. But I would hate to see you or anyone else feel like "Well, no one else wants me so I guess I'll go with Option B" and not feel good about yourself in the process. Does that make sense?

So as far as, Is there anything morally wrong with what you suggested, I would have to say 'no.' But there are things I myself would worry about and I would also want to make very sure that I wasn't 'settling' because I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone else.

Again- that really isn't sounding like I want it to but I'm apparently having difficulty putting into other words. Sorry!

 

[dayhiker]

Hi mercy,
Welcome to CF and the mature singles especially.

I don't see anything wrong with arranging for a bride. But I would reccomend you do the online dating thing 1st. With the web you can evaluate many more dates in a shorter time than you will meeting them any other way. That can help you find a lady that will love you for you a lot quicker. Its the only way to do. Well, OK, meetup . com also is a great way to meet woman that have a similar interest.

So try close to home before you do the half way around the world thing.

 

[cowboysfan1970]

I would be very careful about the mail order bride kind of a thing because more often than not those are scams. Those women either only want a man who can get them to America or they are involved with people that are going to try and extort them in some way.

It is possible that God does intend for some of us to remain single for life but only those that He has also given the ability to maintain that singleness. I do know that there are times when we think that another person will make us more happy or feel wanted but what we have to realize is that God wants us. God didn't create us because He needed us, He created us because He wanted us. Sometimes it's not so easy to feel or recognize but it's always there. When we start to think that we are nothing without someone else we start to put a value on relationships that they don't deserve to or can live up to. Then we find that relationship doesn't live up to our expectations and we become disappointed. It's possible that God has us to stay in a single state for a long time or permanently because it might not be good for us or right for us right now. God knows things that we don't and maybe He could be either intending us to be single to save us from something that we can't foresee or that we haven't learned the things we need to know to be in that kind of a relationship yet.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

just to throw it out, but it may be that i am single and it isnt God's will. people are out of His will all the time, so why assume that all single christians are single in His will?

 

[dewba]

Matthew 19:11
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

Matthew 19:11
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

thanks dewba for making my point. the verse in Matthew points out that some things happen because of birth (no blame is assigned), forced by others, and chosen by their own free will. I believe that God orders our steps, absolutely, but He doesnt force us, and it doesnt happen with everything. He guides us, but I could choose to castrate myself today without it being God's will.

peace.

 

[dayhiker]

ouch!

 

[dewba]

He guides us, but I could choose to castrate myself today without it being God's will.

peace.

I disagree. I've always believed that absolutely nothing can happen without God's permission; His consent is His will. I can't say that God would allow you to castrate yourself, or choose you to be single, but if somehow it did happen, it is God's will. It may not be his ultimate will but I can say that it His current will, however difficult it is to accept sometimes..

Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

(I love this subject. It's fun for me to think about myself wanting to do things but in reality, God is deciding what I should or should not do. I want to drink some water...but I keep typing, or I wake up at a certain time, or all the horrible things that happened to me in the past. God let it all happen so that I could be where He wants me to be Today!! So I could be a stronger person and keep growing stronger in the Lord...).

Anyways. I hope you know that my point was that perhaps you WERE meant for singleness...it is possible. All I can say is try to be patient and don't let yourself feel frustrated at your current singleness...you're just where God wants you to be and He doesn't want you to worry about anything.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

thanks, i could go on, but i dont want to drag things down. i think you said it with "perfect" will and permissable will. Is my singleness Gods perfect will ?

 

[dewba]

You're welcome. I'm not sure why you would drag things down but either way, God is good...

I'm not sure if your question is rhetorical but all I can say is that it is his perfect will, at the moment. I can't tell you if it'll be forever but I can tell you that God doesn't make mistakes... It has to be perfect.

Not worrying is certainly a habit to cultivate, though. Don't worry about it. Sometimes people are born into families with great faith (little worry) and sometimes they're not but it is a habit, nevertheless. "Easy" or not.
Keeping busy, though, (focusing on God...making ourselves into better people (with patience)) does make it easier...

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

We will never be perfect...we will stumble, fear, doubt, worry... but the important thing is to remind ourselves that we should work towards not feeling those things because God/Jesus commanded us to... and try to keep it going 'til the very end. We'll all be in heaven one day, anyways. No need to worry.

C-ya!