maturity of the heart vs the superficial?

[biffy]

I'm just putting this out there to see what others think...a mature heart in God looks only at anothers heart but because one isn't mature in God we still look for superficial charateristics when attracted to someone...what do you think?

 

[Niels]

God sees everything, while we can only scratch the surface. Only He truly knows what's in our hearts.

 

[intricatic]

I think it's very vague. Do you mean other than physical appearance, or do you mean looking at a person for who they are based on actions, or do you mean something totally different?

Could you elaborate?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I think that's pretty accurate.

 

[spdnet75]

I'm just putting this out there to see what others think...a mature heart in God looks only at anothers heart but because one isn't mature in God we still look for superficial charateristics when attracted to someone...what do you think?

What causes us to be connected to one another, is perfectly random by design.

I believe GOD made it that way on purpose.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

God sees everything, while we can only scratch the surface. Only He truly knows what's in our hearts.

This reminds me of a sermon by Pastor Joel Osteen that I was listening to at work. He said something to the effect, that God has heard us each time we tell him what we want/like in a mate. Now how about we let Him do what He does best for He knows exactly what and who we need. He can see things in us and in our hearts that we probably don't even know that is there.

Anyway, back to the OP, I wouldn't say that a person who only looks for superfical qualities is immature in God - probably just misguided. A mate is an area of importance to many and sometimes we have a hard time with letting God have His way with those areas of our lives.

 

[intricatic]

I dunno, I still have misgivings; one can take "superficial" to mean any number of things. One might jump to the conclusion that it's physical beauty that's being implied, but at the same time, what about the "small things" in the relationship? Are those superficial compared to the person's heart?

 

[Blank123]

hmm, interesting, but yeah I also have to wonder about what you mean by being superficial. If I'm physically attracted to some guy does that make me a superficial person?

I think its very much possible to love who the person is while at the same time finding them physically attractive... at least I hope so otherwise I'm going to be single for a looooong time

 

[intricatic]

hmm, interesting, but yeah I also have to wonder about what you mean by being superficial. If I'm physically attracted to some guy does that make me a superficial person?

I think its very much possible to love who the person is while at the same time finding them physically attractive... at least I hope so otherwise I'm going to be single for a looooong time

No, any physical attraction whatsoever is wrong and just plain bad and must be avoided at all costs.



I'm a firm believer that all forms of love deepen over time, and are all integral to one another's development and health. But this means that there has to be some foundation for it to deepen. [and of course, this also means that the two people must be compatible as a foundation, as well]

 

[Irascible]

...a mature heart in God looks only at anothers heart but because one isn't mature in God we still look for superficial charateristics when attracted to someone...

Specious at best. If we had God's ability to look into someone's heart the statement might hold some validity. But as it stands we don't. And in fact some of what is called superficial stems from a person's heart. The clothes you choose to wear; the makeup you choose to apply; the groups you choose to hang out with and so on all reflect something deeper.

To put it another way, you might think you have the purest heart in all the land. But if Christ still walked the Earth and saw you in church wearing painted on jeans and bearing your pierced belly button (both things supposedly superficial) in church he'd tell you otherwise. (I'm speaking generically of course, not about you Biffy.)

Then of course there are the superficial things we don't have control of. That's a different story. Like others have said, superficial can be defined in several ways.

 

[Jenster]

...a mature heart in God looks only at anothers heart but because one isn't mature in God we still look for superficial charateristics when attracted to someone...what do you think?

The either/or quality of this statement is a problem, although there is some truth at the very core of it. It's like seeing things in black and white instead of grey. Either you're mature or your aren't, and either you're deep or you're superficial. As usual, the truth lies somewhere in between.

I'd agree that if you've made you will align with God's will, and if you regularly submit your thinking to Him, then you'll appreciate Godly qualities in others -- simply because you'll recognize them and their worth. Those who aren't so plugged into God may have their hearts set on other less worthwhile or long-lasting traits. For example, some may fall for a socially gregarious girl, but then find out she is dishonest. Or you fall for the gorgeous man, only to realize he's pretty rude to others.

OTOH, I don't think that having a "mature" heart means you forego things like physical attraction. Just don't make it the only requirement you have. I'm also with the other posters ... not really sure what "superficial" means.

 

[Blank123]

No, any physical attraction whatsoever is wrong and just plain bad and must be avoided at all costs.

oh crap...

 

[biffy]

yeah ok good points thanks guys to give a bit more information i have an example for you...two best of friends find eachother incredibly attractive in many ways but not physically...so they have never taken things any further...hmm...just not sure if this is a lack of maturity in God that one tends to enjoy flirting etc with someone but then says nope not sensible enough, not tall enough or i prefer blonds...

 

[intricatic]

yeah ok good points thanks guys to give a bit more information i have an example for you...two best of friends find eachother incredibly attractive in many ways but not physically...so they have never taken things any further...hmm...just not sure if this is a lack of maturity in God that one tends to enjoy flirting etc with someone but then says nope not sensible enough, not tall enough or i prefer blonds...

[Hypothetically speaking]: Generally it takes time to foster that kind of interest; if it's something that's possible between them [they have chemistry, get along well, enjoy eachother, etc...], that might be all they really need. But like I said in a previous post on this thread, there needs to be a foundational element of attraction on all fronts in order for it to grow beyond just casual admiration.

 

[Irascible]

I agree with the contrarian.

All things being I still don't see it as superficiality. There's no sin in preference. If I happen to prefer black jeans, I could mature in Christ all day long and He would not insist I like blue jeans.

But of course, all things are not equal. If the hypothetical (yeah, right ) couple should pair up because God knows they'll have an awesome life together then that's a revelation only they can have. No one here can know that.

Figuratively speaking, holding your nose and going forward with romance when there's no physical attraction might be a fib of sorts. It's usually assumed that if someone shows romantic interest that they at least find the other's appearance passable. "Hey baby. I don't find you attractive at all but you've got a great personality. You wanna go out?" usually doesn't fly.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Any maturing in Christ or otherwise is not going to have any bearing on what I find attractive in a potential mate. When I was younger I found women with short hair unattractive and I typically liked hair that was permed. Now I really dont mind about short hair but prefer their hair not to be permed or natuarally culry. It has no connection to my progressive walk in CHrist or anything alse that I can think of for that matter. I just changed - not better or worse, just different. As far as the heart is concerned or their character well that has never changed. I like nice women. I don't like not nice women.

 

[Echoespeak006]

yeah ok good points thanks guys to give a bit more information i have an example for you...two best of friends find eachother incredibly attractive in many ways but not physically...so they have never taken things any further...hmm...just not sure if this is a lack of maturity in God that one tends to enjoy flirting etc with someone but then says nope not sensible enough, not tall enough or i prefer blonds...

A bit of an aside....Relationships are funny things. I suspect that are various factors as to why in that case those two are not dating. I have one friend of whom we share a rather intense mutual attraction, however, I have actively chosen not to date him. I can't really give a reason beyond the fact that God has purposely get that door closed. Because that "it" factor is simply missing. If I had a name for "it", I would use it but I don't know what the term is. But it's that thing that flips the switch and allows you to pursue a particular relationship.

As for the heart, anything can happen, really. You have to wonder why sometimes we pursue relationships that others think are not worth pursuing. Or why some individuals who you wouldn't consider on the first 8 go arounds, all of sudden seems to clearly be the one. The only thing that is for sure is that God is indeed the knower of our hearts, and we can only measure our heart's desires against His own standards. Because beyond that, you can probably find an exception to every rule when it comes to the whys & hows of whom you love.

 

[JPPT1974]

Maybe people like myself are afraid to be in
A relationship because we love being single
But also love being independent
Only being responsible for ourselves as well
As just not having to share anything with others
Well just yet!

 

[Jenster]

yeah ok good points thanks guys to give a bit more information i have an example for you...two best of friends find eachother incredibly attractive in many ways but not physically...so they have never taken things any further...hmm...just not sure if this is a lack of maturity in God that one tends to enjoy flirting etc with someone but then says nope not sensible enough, not tall enough or i prefer blonds...

Well, the one thing I'd say is that you have to take a relationship at face value. Meaning, if even one of the two people in a friendship says, "Nope, I'm not interested in crossing the line into romance," then that's it. Closed door. No "theory" can ever really explain why or change that person's view.

This happens after people date, too, so in a way, you might consider yourself fortunate. One person suddenly "realizes" he or she wants out, or wants a different type of person, or whatever. It's one of the hardest things to do, but in that situation, you just have to accept their decision. Without any real benefit of "why."

At your age, it's possible to have a good close friend of the opposite sex who is nothing more than that -- for a time. Until one person or the other starts dating seriously. I remember when I was in college, one of my guy friends and I got on fabulously. We had inside jokes, we talked deep, etc. But we never considered dating, and in fact, he ended up dating someone else. And I was happy for him, not jealous. The only thing that bothered me was that he didn't have as much time for me anymore!

 

[mwb]

I've always had a "tug of war" of sorts with this issue. I've always been attracted to someone who's attractive. Of course every other guy is too so I usually have no chance. But then the moral part of me cannot go through with acting on that attraction alone because I know deep down it will not last if physical attraction is the basis for the relationship.

Over the past few years, I've been able to focus more on the person first. I think if there's an intellectual, emotional, psycological, spiritual attraction that will lead me to real happiness.