Masturbation......(common isn't it???)

I keep commiting to stop M. But each time I end up doing it. I tried promising to god to make my resolution stonger and that didn't work. I broke the promise. I feel so guilty. Help!

Hello everyone,

I am brand new here. I came here because I need your help. I typed "Christian teen forum" on Google and look where I am!

Lately I've been struggling with masturbation, but not how you would think. My problem is that I do not touch much at all - maybe once or twice a month, and not to pornography. My problem is that I seem to get 'wet dreams' once or twice a month as well, and I am almost 18 years old! I used to touch quite frequently, around 3 or 4 times a week, but I stopped because it was getting ridiculous. That means I stopped looking at pornography, which is something I struggled with.

My problem is that these wet dreams are annoying, embarassing, and seemingly preventable if I would just "release my built-up tension" by masturbating semi-regularly, which I don't, and so it seems I have quite erotic fantasies in my sleep and have wet dreams.

I feel like I'm stuck, I mean, I don't want to start looking at pornography again and get suckered into that trap, but I also am sick of having wet dreams caused by a lack of masturbation. Experts say males sexual urges peak around 19 years old, so I feel like I am "stifling" my body and forcing it to release in my sleep.

I hope I wasn't being to graphic, and I'm hoping the guys on these boards especially will be able to help me out! BTW, I don't have a girlfriend and am not sexually active although I had oral sex with a girl almost a year ago which I am terribly ashamed of. But I have asked for forgiveness and am at peace with the Lord and myself now.

Thanks a million!

kamandor7 said:

Hello everyone,

I am brand new here. I came here because I need your help. I typed "Christian teen forum" on Google and look where I am!

Lately I've been struggling with masturbation, but not how you would think. My problem is that I do not touch much at all - maybe once or twice a month, and not to pornography. My problem is that I seem to get 'wet dreams' once or twice a month as well, and I am almost 18 years old! I used to touch quite frequently, around 3 or 4 times a week, but I stopped because it was getting ridiculous. That means I stopped looking at pornography, which is something I struggled with.

My problem is that these wet dreams are annoying, embarassing, and seemingly preventable if I would just "release my built-up tension" by masturbating semi-regularly, which I don't, and so it seems I have quite erotic fantasies in my sleep and have wet dreams.

I feel like I'm stuck, I mean, I don't want to start looking at pornography again and get suckered into that trap, but I also am sick of having wet dreams caused by a lack of masturbation. Experts say males sexual urges peak around 19 years old, so I feel like I am "stifling" my body and forcing it to release in my sleep.

I hope I wasn't being to graphic, and I'm hoping the guys on these boards especially will be able to help me out! BTW, I don't have a girlfriend and am not sexually active although I had oral sex with a girl almost a year ago which I am terribly ashamed of. But I have asked for forgiveness and am at peace with the Lord and myself now.

Thanks a million!

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Kamandor7
Hey, I am glad to hear that you have a problem that most guys would dream of! It is very admirable that you are not looking at porn either because that is a bad path. You will hear many different views concerning masturbation as Christians. But where you are at right now, I would encourage you to ask God to protect you from dreams. If you pray before bed that he be with you in your sleep and that he take away your dreams, that should work. It worked for me (although mine were nightmares). If you pray for his protection, he will honor that. Wet dreams are a pain. In order to not get sucked into the porn or lust/fantasy scene again, try to set up a schedule for masturbation. Sounds funny but if you make it a physical requirement once a week in the shower for example, that should cure your wet dreams. But don't schedule it when you have lots of time because you may get sucked into the porn/fantasy thing again. When you go longer than a few weeks, your body has to eject that stuff somehow and it does so in wet dreams. I've been there and done that. Hope this helps. Let me know what you think. God bless.

That sounds like a good plan. I think I will just try to do "it" semi-regularly, and not to porn. I hate having the urge to do "it" and then feel like I should get some porn to help, so by planning it semi-regularly, hopefully I can avoid this.

Thanks for your help!

I 've got something to add on this topic about "Masturbation". I Myself was once greatly addicted to this. During the Olden days people felt that it is not good for a Boy or a girl after reaching certain age to be single. So they used to marry them off so that their desires are all shared between them. But now it is not like that, most Girls and Boys want to pursue more in life before they ever get married. In medical terminology this is not a bad habit. But anyhow we are christians and this involves adultery in the Imaginations(fantasis) it is a SIN. One way to get out of it is to get married soon after you have good Job and think that you can stand and take care of a family. There are some cases even after marraige this is not solved. In that case may be both the husband and wife could see a Doctor or a Physician who can help them out into a healthy realtionship. But any how each situation is different and this desire comes at a time when you were lying on your bed and just about to go to sleep. In that case you may release that tension, it may be a sin but there is no way to come out of it unless you release it out. You probably can't avoid looking at beautiful women or handsome men in this world. They are there anyhow it is only matter of little self control. But sure God will be able to get you through it.

LAWise520 said:

Hey, I'm a girl and I deal with that giant "M-WORD" quite regularly.......it's pretty overwhelming for me overall in my life.....takes up some chunks of time and thoughts very often.....I am currently struggling to overcome my struggle with word porn.......real picture porn is somethingI've never gotten into and hopefully never will....but this has strongly grasped me and now I end up masturbating almost everyday......and that's not how I used to be spending my time a few months ago, that's for sure....it used to be occasional....but is become increasingly time and thought consuming. However......touching yourself in itself, I do not believe is sinful.....however, thinking specifically about a person when in that context (unless married, duh, hehe) is quite wrong. But I have also been wondering whether going at yourself while fantasies of people who don't exist play through your head is sinful....I'm just really struggling with understanding is wrong and what is right.......

and what is lust? I'm confused with that too......define it from wherever....the more the better....personally, biblically, dictionary, whatever....thanks a whole heck of a lot!

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If you are seeing a change in your normal patterns that you think is not attributed to natural causes such as hormones, chemicals in the body, menstrual cycle, etc., then you might be getting addicted. Maybe it's psychological. I've gone through cycles myself but they fluctuate and it depends on the time of the month. During certain times of the month a female will be more horny. But if you are breaking a monthly pattern then maybe it's psychological. I've never had that problem before, so I don't know what to say.

Some posts in here are really opening my eyes to the fact that some men become unresponsive after marriage. I wonder why that is? I don't want to have that problem when I get married.

Why do men become unresponsive after marriage?

jmhirn said:

I start masturbating at a very young age. I think i was 11.

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I remember that I was about 6 or 7. And I am not joking. I had no clue what it was that I was doing, I just knew I needed to do it. Most people think that if you touch at that age, someone must have told you how or something, but that isn't true. I was very sheltered; I invented masturbation on my own.

I find that really strange that i was so young.

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I think if more people were honest, they'd probably say what I just said. So no, it's not strange at all.

I feel that it is not good to do all the time but can be better then other things like sex. if you get the urge you can touch instead and save sex for marriage like you are supposed to.

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Exactly. If you don't find a way to release the tension you're putting yourself in a dangerous situation where you could possibly get an STD.

I am finding it a little difficult to talk about this subject but am trying.

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The thing is, we all deal with this issue; we're all sexual. And most people in the world do touch. If they are married, they have less need to do it because they have a spouce to satisfy their sexual needs.

considering said:

Some posts in here are really opening my eyes to the fact that some men become unresponsive after marriage. I wonder why that is? I don't want to have that problem when I get married.

Why do men become unresponsive after marriage?

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I know you think masturbation is OK, but I think it plays a big part in men being unresponsive after they have been in a sexual relationship a while. If they start masturbating at age 11 and get married at 25, they have been masturbating almost daily for 14 years. During those 14 years they have been trying to satisfy thier lust through a variety of ways: "checking out" ( a nice way to say "lusting after") immodestly dressed girls and then masturbating later with her in their mind's eye; masturbating over women in any variety of publications such as Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue (Why don't they be honest and call it what it really is: The Masturbation issue?), Victoria's Secret, women's fashion and exercise magazines; lots of immodestly dressed females in TV and film; Internet sites by the hundreds of thousands depicting immodestly dressed females, undressed females, and all types of sexual activity. There are even web sites devoted to guys sharing their masturbation fantasies (I think once you read some of these you may see why so many guys feel it is so important to keep their lust in check by not masturbating).

So, any guy who wants has access to an unlimited number of females or their images that he can put into his masturbation fantasies and have those women do whatever he wants them to do. The experience of [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] that accompanies this fantasy life is such a powerful reinforcement that it is easy to see why so many guys today have become compulsive masturbators.

Given the fact that for 14 years or so a guy has been able to have sex in his mind with as many girls as he wants, and is able to do anything he wants with them, is it any wonder that he might get bored after a couple of years with his wife? The Bible knows what it is talking about in warning men not to even look lustfully at women in Mathew 5:28 and Job 31:1. I know most women touch without the lust and masturbation may not be a problem for them. But 99% of guys find lust the inseperable partner of masturbation and it is a huge problem.

If you want to read a good book that discusses this: "The Sexual Man" by Dr. A. Hart.

Praise God

considering said:

If you don't find a way to release the tension you're putting yourself in a dangerous situation where you could possibly get an STD.

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You mean you can receive an STD if you give in to the tension and have sex with someone else, right? I've never heard of an STD received through sexual tension alone.

I wouldn't worry about the masturbating too much... I've noticed that emotions and stress can have a lot to do with it. In short, you tend to do it more when you're looking for something to get your mind off stress or if you're simply bored with life. When I was younger, I had a rough home life and masturbation was pretty much my escape (and going through puberty wasn't helping either.) However, things have changed now and I rarely do it anymore. Only when I'm bored, really. So sometimes your body just works it out on its own, you know? However, if you think you're seriously addicted or something, then you have to do something about it. You don't want to be spending every waking moment thinking about sex. I've been there, and it's just not fun.

Wow, this forum has opened my eyes. I am a male and I have an honest question: Can a female touch even if she has her virgin barrier (hymen)? Or does it require for it to be broken in the process or by another natural occurrence?

Masturbation probably is an issue for the majority of teenagers, and quite a few people beyond those years too. It is not a simple matter, and broad applications of scripture and admonitions to stop are not always helpful for many. The terrible recrurring legacy of resolution followed by failure can result in much harm to the faith of those invloved by way of guilt and loss of belief in God's willingness to do something.

The first thing to recognise is that people begin to touch for different reasons. Some examples are:

1 Sexual abuse

2. Unhappiness, loneliness, inner pain

3. Just curiosity then it becomes a habit

4 During the teenage years when hormones kick in and a person's sex drive is up and running.

Each reason requires a different approach. If the underlying contributory factors are not addresed properly efforts to stop are often futile.

One's beliefs about masturbation can vary. Amongst the negative views are:
1. It is 'dirty'

2. The fantasies people use are seen as 'lusting'

3. A person is pretty uncomfortable with sexual matters in general. They see masturbation as wrong because anything sexual for an unmarried person is wrong and unclean.

4 Someone from the church has told them it is wrong, but without supporting justification. It is all too easy to sqeeze meanings into some of the broad based Greek words used in the NT to support one's own preconceptions about masturbation, which can arise out of pretty neagtive attitides towards sexual matters in general.

People's responses to masturbation differ widely. They can include:

1 Some discover it, indulge, then rationalise it within a more controled frequency and eventually give up when sexual intercourse is available.
2 Some carry the practice into their marriage. This needs serious evaluation.
3 Some become hooked on porn - a very negative consequence.

Thus, masturbation is not a single issue. Nor is the way it should be addressed. Most importantly, masturbation cannot be addressed healthily unless some clear indication of how a teenager handles their normal sexuality is given. Teenagers are not sexually neutral or inert. Sexual feelings and responses will be a regular part of most teenagers lives. Just how do they deal with them?

I have read many of the posts on this thread, and on others, corresponded with some, and I can recognise some of these factors in the replies. I trust that readers will get some insights that may be helpful to them in sorting out this issue in their lives.

Blessings on all those Christians who genuinely want to please God with their lives, their sexuality included.

John
NZ

Is true having free time is dangerous....
It is better when we off going reading bible or doing something beneficial.

I trust when our mind is free.. we are easily drifted off.

flashwizard said:

Wow, this forum has opened my eyes. I am a male and I have an honest question: Can a female touch even if she has her virgin barrier (hymen)? Or does it require for it to be broken in the process or by another natural occurrence?

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Yes, a female can touch. I won't get into details on how, but it can be done just fine with no worry of breaking the hymen.

considering said:

I remember that I was about 6 or 7. And I am not joking. I had no clue what it was that I was doing, I just knew I needed to do it. Most people think that if you touch at that age, someone must have told you how or something, but that isn't true. I was very sheltered; I invented masturbation on my own.

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WOW
That describes me perfectly! I'm a girl, and I've struggled with masurbation since I was about 6. And I definitly "invented" it on my own, I was very sheltered at that age, and I'm almost positive I'de never heard even the vaugest reference, but still I came up with the idea. This thread has been amazing to read through, all my life I've felt like a freak because I was a girl who masturbated, but now I know I'm not alone, that there are other Christian girls out there who have the same struggles and know how I feel.
Thank you, LAWise, for having the guts to start this thread.
~ Morgan

I also struggle with pornography and touching yourself, and I am constantly looking for ways to overcome it! It just seems like nothing is working. Will someone please pray for me, and help me out, the devil has gone too far!

I too need help. I started at about 13, and it hasn't stopped. I didn't even care that I did this until recently, but I too would like someone to pray for me so I can get back on the right track of where I am supposed to be. Also, being in a southern college doesn't really help because most of the girls are pretty good looking, so that makes it all that much harder .

There is one issue that needs to be thought through before you try to stop masturbating. The questions is "How are you going to live with your sex drive, as it is not going to just go away until marriage?" This defines the problem for you.

The habit may be well established, and you are now sexually activated. Deciding to stop masturbating is not going to turn off your sex drive.

John
NZ

I agree that stopping M is not going to turn off the sex drive of someone who has become addicted. For some time they will have to fight these urges, which may take a lot of prayers and the support of trusted friends. Also the Bible tells us that marriage was created by God as a safe and productive place for people to satisfy their urges, so maybe looking for a spouse would be a sensible step.