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Marriage, your thoughts?
- Thread starter MagicStar723
- Start date
Jenna
Senior Veteran
- Jun 13, 2002
- 3,089
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Hey, go in whichever way God moves you. It's probably going to be difficult any way that you choose to handle the matter. It's always difficult trying to get the 'adult' life started and bear responsibility for yourself, let alone another person. So, there will be some tough times, I'm sure. However, there's nothing wrong with a bit of hard work. 
Pray, pray, and pray. Ah yes, and read the bible, as it might help to inspire you or convict you in one way or another. Just remember to be still long enough that you can hear what God is telling you.
Pray, pray, and pray. Ah yes, and read the bible, as it might help to inspire you or convict you in one way or another. Just remember to be still long enough that you can hear what God is telling you.
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Thank you Jenna for the encouragement, I will also add that we will get marriage counselling from a Christian before we marry at any age.
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MagicStar723 said:
[cliche' comment]
if it's God, you will know.
[/cliche' comment]
As cliche' as it is... it's true.
I am one of those people who is trying to take a new approach to life. Unless I know for sure that God is telling me to do something, i will do nothing. If I'm at a fork in the road and ask Him if I should turn left or right, I will wait until He tells me until I move from that spot.
If you are not 100% sure this is God's plan, then wait.
Today has enough worries of it's own, don't worry about tomorrow.
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I am so encouraged that at your age (and don't read this as condescending) you are actually planning and seeking God. When I was 17 I didn't have a clue nor did I care. So I think you're off to a good start.
My thoughts, there is no 'second'. Or third or fourth. The Bible says 'seek first the kingdom, then all these things will be added to you' (my paraphrase). What are all these things? All the things that are necessary for you to do everything that God wants you to do. If that means a degree, then that's what God will add to you. If that means a husband at some point, then God will bless you with one also.
What God wants you to do, is what's best for you.
My thoughts, there is no 'second'. Or third or fourth. The Bible says 'seek first the kingdom, then all these things will be added to you' (my paraphrase). What are all these things? All the things that are necessary for you to do everything that God wants you to do. If that means a degree, then that's what God will add to you. If that means a husband at some point, then God will bless you with one also.
What God wants you to do, is what's best for you.
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How has God lead you to make other decidsions in your life? Think back on decisions you have made that you know in hind sight were right... How did God lead you to those decisions? If you are hard pressed to think of decisions you made in the past, you are not ready to make this decision.
You are 17! You live in your parent's house and you have been homeschooled. You need to have some more and varied experiences befor you get married, IMHO. And online education does not count as a varied experience. More experiences let you know a lot about yourself and will give you more to bring to the marriage. If God is telling the two of you to marry, you will both be there, for each other, in a year or two. Let him focus on his college studies and experiences there for awhile as you contijue your education.
A 2 hour distance apart is hardly a LDR! My daughter is packing up to return to college and leaving behind her boyfriend.. she will be 2,000 miles away. Now THAT'S an LDR!
You are 17! You live in your parent's house and you have been homeschooled. You need to have some more and varied experiences befor you get married, IMHO. And online education does not count as a varied experience. More experiences let you know a lot about yourself and will give you more to bring to the marriage. If God is telling the two of you to marry, you will both be there, for each other, in a year or two. Let him focus on his college studies and experiences there for awhile as you contijue your education.
A 2 hour distance apart is hardly a LDR! My daughter is packing up to return to college and leaving behind her boyfriend.. she will be 2,000 miles away. Now THAT'S an LDR!
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Here are some questions you might want to consider. I'm not trying to tell you that you should or shouldn't continue with your plans. I'm just suggesting some potential problems you might want to resolve, if you haven't already done so.
What do your parents think of your plans? What do his parents think? These are people who know you, care about you, and have many more years of insight into the demands of marriage, so their approval or objections should carry a lot of weight. And speaking of his parents, how well do you get along with them? Do they seem like the kind of people who'll be capable of "releasing" him to make his marriage the priority, or will they expect to retain some control over his life (and yours)?
And how do you plan to support yourselves while you're both still in school? What do you mean when you say he wants to do "something in medicine"? If he's thinking of med school, you're both looking at a long, intense, stressful, expen$ive first decade of marriage, with the probability that he'll be over a hundred thousand dollars in debt by the time he graduates. I'm not saying this to discourage you at all, because this may be God's will for you, but I don't see where the money is supposed to be coming from while you're both still in school. Especially if you get pregnant before you intend to (given that no form of birth control is 100% effective).
My other concern is about the fact that you're in a LDR right now. Dating should be a time when you're really getting to know each other, seeing how your SO reacts to stresses day-to-day, etc. That's a lot harder to do in a LDR. There's a temptation to idealize the other person when you're not having to deal with the little irritations and conflicts that normally occur. You're only seeing an edited, part-time version of the other person, if that makes sense.
These are just some things you might want to think about.
What do your parents think of your plans? What do his parents think? These are people who know you, care about you, and have many more years of insight into the demands of marriage, so their approval or objections should carry a lot of weight. And speaking of his parents, how well do you get along with them? Do they seem like the kind of people who'll be capable of "releasing" him to make his marriage the priority, or will they expect to retain some control over his life (and yours)?
And how do you plan to support yourselves while you're both still in school? What do you mean when you say he wants to do "something in medicine"? If he's thinking of med school, you're both looking at a long, intense, stressful, expen$ive first decade of marriage, with the probability that he'll be over a hundred thousand dollars in debt by the time he graduates. I'm not saying this to discourage you at all, because this may be God's will for you, but I don't see where the money is supposed to be coming from while you're both still in school. Especially if you get pregnant before you intend to (given that no form of birth control is 100% effective).
My other concern is about the fact that you're in a LDR right now. Dating should be a time when you're really getting to know each other, seeing how your SO reacts to stresses day-to-day, etc. That's a lot harder to do in a LDR. There's a temptation to idealize the other person when you're not having to deal with the little irritations and conflicts that normally occur. You're only seeing an edited, part-time version of the other person, if that makes sense.
These are just some things you might want to think about.
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Does that mean that your parents (or his) will be supporting you? Definite red flag! It's important to your self-respect and independence that you're able to support yourselves when you're married. Besides, I've noticed that when parents are supporting a young couple, there are always strings attached, and expectations (subtle or otherwise) of what the young couple owes in return. I'm not exaggerating when I say that your answer alarms me more than any other part of what you've told us.MagicStar723 said:
But at your ages, you still have so much growing and changing to do for the next few years. The person you knew inside-out when he went away to college, may become a different person in many significant ways by the time you get back together.MagicStar723 said:
Sorry, your first post didn't raise as many alarms for me as your second one did. It doesn't sound like you're really facing your potential problems realistically, and that means (in my opinion) that you aren't as prepared for commitment as you think you are. I'm really not trying to offend you, I just hope you'll take your time with this and give it a whole lot more consideration.
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In that case, I'm a little confused. How is it you can be sure that at 19 and 21, respectively, you'll have an income that will not only meet your living expenses, but cover your tuition as well? Not to be nosy, it's just that something doesn't seem quite right here.
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Parents will pay through college tuition, that is something that is agreed regardless. I have been working and supporting 20 horses since I was 15 so 2 people doesn't worry me also the horses would be going.
also the horses would be going.
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