Marriage; why do it?

[sward_6]

I'm only 21, and I'm in no way ready for marriage, yet it seems everyone is pushing me and my 21 yr old girlfriend of 4 years to get it done -- I know 4 years is a long time, but I'd rather not get married -- we don't have sex, nor do we live with each other, but I guess after 4 years you should really start thinking about marriage?

Is it just for sex? To start a family? I don't see why people are pressured into marriage -- also what do you think make's a marriage last, and what make's it fail? I hope I can get some great thought out answers, Thanks!

 

[an7222]

Marriage, why do it?

Bluntly, to constitute a new family. Not more, not less.

 

[Sors]

Its all about the sex.

 

[Buzz Dixon]

I'm 50, been married 30 years, our kids are out of the house and on their own now.

It's about a deep, long-lasting, incredible relationship. I guarantee that nobody who is dating casually can imagine just how rich and satisfying marriage is when it has really begun to mature. I loved my wife dearly when she was 20, but that's a drop in the bucket to the feelings I have for her now.

At 21 you may not be ready for marriage (my wife and I were, but that's our story; your mileage may vary), even when you've known your girlfriend 4 years. Do not let others pressure you into getting married. Get married when you can't imagine not wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person you're with.

BTW, my parents have been married close to 52 years now. Theyw ere excellent role models.

 

[sward_6]

I'm 50, been married 30 years, our kids are out of the house and on their own now.

It's about a deep, long-lasting, incredible relationship. I guarantee that nobody who is dating casually can imagine just how rich and satisfying marriage is when it has really begun to mature. I loved my wife dearly when she was 20, but that's a drop in the bucket to the feelings I have for her now.

At 21 you may not be ready for marriage (my wife and I were, but that's our story; your mileage may vary), even when you've known your girlfriend 4 years. Do not let others pressure you into getting married. Get married when you can't imagine not wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person you're with.

BTW, my parents have been married close to 52 years now. Theyw ere excellent role models.

Buzz thanks for the nice response, you are incredibly lucky to have had parents were great role models. I on the other hand never had a good role model, I was taken away from my parents when I was young -- put in foster care for a few years and eventually wound up with my grandma -- my grandafather had already passed away by then -- so I never was able to see first hand what makes a marriage work or fail. I'm afraid number one, that I would not be able to adequately support her, which I know I can, but it's still a fear in the back of my head. Number two, I'm afraid the marriage will fail and like clock-work, my children will be in a similar situation as myself and not have a functional family.

I'm probably looking too deep into this whole situation

 

[Johnnz]

Sward_6

You are being very realistic. Your lack of role models can be overcome by developing good relationships with good families and observing. My wife and I (40 years together so far) have allowed people to live with us, some from pretty negative family backgrounds. Several have commented that being with us restored their belief in marriage generally, and their belief that they could sustain marriage in particular.

Sometimes a less than perfect family life can teach us a lot. Mine was very painful. When I was married I determined to create a lifestyle that did not replicate what I had experienced. We have two great sons out of that comittment. Youcan do the same.

Bless you

John
NZ

 

[- DRA -]

I'm only 21, and I'm in no way ready for marriage, yet it seems everyone is pushing me and my 21 yr old girlfriend of 4 years to get it done -- I know 4 years is a long time, but I'd rather not get married -- we don't have sex, nor do we live with each other, but I guess after 4 years you should really start thinking about marriage?

Is it just for sex? To start a family? I don't see why people are pressured into marriage -- also what do you think make's a marriage last, and what make's it fail? I hope I can get some great thought out answers, Thanks!

Buzz Dixon gave an excellent commentary on marriage in a previous response.

Have you considered marriage from a Biblical perspective? If not, I highly encourage you to study and consider: Matthew 19:3-12, Romans 7:2-3, 1 Corinthians 6:18 & 7:1-9, Ephesians 5:22-33, and Hebrews 13:4.

Overall, your approach to marriage is to be commended. Don't be rushed into something that you are simply not ready for. Obviously, as you read and study Matthew 19:3-12 you get the distinct impression that marriage is rather serious business. It is a lifetime commitment (Romans 7:2-3). And, it is also the sole relationship where God approves of sexual relations (1 Corinthians 6:18 & 7:1-9). However, anyone who thinks that marriage is just about sex is in for a terrible disappointment. A Marriage without the love and respect for each other as God designed it (Ephesians 5:22-33 and Titus 2:3-5) is a marriage destined for major problems. Sexual relations will not "fix" those kind of problems.

I have been married for 28 years. I loved my wife when we married, but that initial love was nothing in comparison to the depth of love that I feel for her today. Our sons are now grown. My wife and I worked hard together over the years to raise the boys while remembering our commitment to each other. Over the years, I have come to realize that my wife is my best friend.

Don't allow yourself to be pressured into marriage. However, on the other hand, be sure that you and your girlfriend are "on the same page." If she is the one for you, make sure that she knows that. Also, make sure that she understands why right now is not the right time e.g. still going to school, not financially able to support a family at the moment, etc. In short, work on building an honest, open, and loving relationship right now. It will make all the difference later - - if, when, and to whom you decide to marry.

In His service,
. . . DRA

 

[arizona_sunshine]

You have been given great advice.

In addition, I just wanted to throw in that you could view marriage in the same way a Christian would percieve baptism: it is an outward expression of an internal commitment.

 

[inHisgrip]

Being ready for marriage is up to you and your girlfriend.
Don't let others pressure you into it.
I was with my husband 7 years before we married, and we thought it best to be married before having children.
It was also just the next step in our commitment to one another.
In Him

 

[All4one]

Marriage is a great thing for God said it is not good for man to be alone. In my case im used to supper every day cooked by my mother and buddy, I confese, I need a wife to FFEEEEEDDDDDD me...lol... But you also ask: What makes a marriage last? Speaking from inexperience but from what I have studied I say God. I have never seen sex, money, or anything of the such hold a marriage together like God can. The strongest rope is a three braided rope. For all carry the same tension: You, your wife, and God are a three braided cord. The ONLY reason a marriage fails is the devil. He always wants hard times and wrong doing so that he can say -------> Why did God do that to you? Like I said I speak from study and not personal experience! Hope to help ya some brother! Stay in touch with your morals and God... Very uncommon to see someone like you! Praise God!

Stay Strong---->
In Christs Love,
All4one

 

[All4one]

Also notice how God SOOOOOO many times correlates marriage to His relationship with His people. Jesus did it in the flesh as well. Very important sign of unity!

Love ya Bro,
ALL4one

 

[CSMR]

I know 4 years is a long time, but I'd rather not get married

I don't understand that! You don't like her? You need rehabilitation! Try reading some Austen; that might help!

also what do you think make's a marriage last, and what make's it fail? I hope I can get some great thought out answers, Thanks!

For Christians: faith and fruits of the spirit? Not that marriage is doomed without that. There's a forum for married people here who can help.

 

[The-Doctor]

I diagree with the remark marriage is just to constitute a family unit. MArriage is about two people wanting to be together and make a formal committment to each other to be together.