My husband and I met in church 5 years ago. His faith drew me to him. He was like no man I had ever met. During my time in college I had strayed away from the Lord and had not stayed sexually pure. The men I encountered were much like the stereotypical "frat-boys". I came to see myself as an object with no real choice in the area of sex. I was willing to sacrifice myself for the intimacy I longed for. By his grace, the Lord led me back to Himself. After rededicating my life to Christ everything began to change. My husband was actually one of the first people whom I met. He was so passionate about Christ. It was contagious. I had never met a man like him. We began dating. A few months into dating he "dropped the bomb"...he had been struggling with pornography since childhood. I guess I didn't want to deal with the issue, so although we discussed it in premarital counseling, we really never adressed this very serious problem. So now we will fast forward 5 years. The pornography has continued to seep into our marriage. Everytime I found it on the computer my heart sunk a little deeper. And 2 months ago my husband revealed to me that he no longer believes in God. If you asked him, his morality has nothing to do with his decision. However he now wants to be able to go out to happy hour with co-workers (most are females)...his language has completely changed(doen't mind cursing)...tells me he doesn't want me to say anything about tv shows or movies he chooses to watch(most are sexually inappropriate)...he wants to be able to have female friends and go out to lunch,dinner, the movies with them...he doesn't see anything wrong with pornography(he will try not to look at it because it hurts me, but fundamentally sees no harm in it) I guess basically everything has changed about him. He still loves me very much. He doesn't want to hurt me. He feels that I am just being rediculous. He basically wants to live by the worlds standards. I am having a hard time because it feels like everything we based our marriage on has been ripped out from under us. Where is our common ground? I really need to know where to set boundaries. Am I to treat him as an unbeliever and just accept his behavior that hurts me? I love him with all my heart. I don't want him to go down this road that leads to distruction. I don't want this to affect our small children. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. God bless.
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Marriage in trouble...help
- Thread starter tobeproverbs31
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sammipher
Blessed stay at home wife and mommy.
- Mar 1, 2004
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WOW..that would be alot to handle within a marriage. I can imagine the pornography really damaged your trust in him...and then the having female friends and going out with them was probably more hurtful than all put together. Maybe he would consider seeing a local christian marriage councelor with you? It can be hard living with someone who has lost interest in the Lord...thankfully...when I was reborn my husband followed within the next week...it was so easy to talk to him about the Lord...If your husband has been saved before, then probably deep down inside when he does these things he knows it is wrong, because he knows the word of God. I would continue to pray...just remember we never find the Lord, he is always there, its us that are the ones that is lost..I pray that maybe soon your husband will realize that..I will keep the both of you and your babies in my prayers...good luck hon!
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Check out this website. It will definately help you. http://www.sexaddict.com/
His office is in Colorado Springs, Colorado. My daughter works for him. I can vouch for his Christianity and his ministry to people in this situation.
He can really help you. Please contact him and let me know how it's going. Stay in touch. There is help out there for you and him when he is ready.
Lord, start working in her husband's heart to see that he is falling away from you.
So him the error of his ways. Cause him to SEE the sin and how terrible it will hurt his marriage.
Lord give her peace, comfort, and especially hope! IN Jesus's name AMEN!! and AMEN!!
His office is in Colorado Springs, Colorado. My daughter works for him. I can vouch for his Christianity and his ministry to people in this situation.
He can really help you. Please contact him and let me know how it's going. Stay in touch. There is help out there for you and him when he is ready.
Lord, start working in her husband's heart to see that he is falling away from you.
So him the error of his ways. Cause him to SEE the sin and how terrible it will hurt his marriage.
Lord give her peace, comfort, and especially hope! IN Jesus's name AMEN!! and AMEN!!
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It sounds very much like your husband may be addicted to sex. He probably has been since childhood, but it has not fully manifested itself until now. This is not unusual at all. He has a disconnect in his brain: he does not see how his sexual interests should have anything to do with your marriage and his relationship with you. That is quite typical of sex addicts.
I strongly urge you to get some counseling for yourself. You are likely in for a very rocky road. It would be wonderful if he would be willing to get some counseling, Christian or otherwise, but it sounds like he would not be inclined to do so.
You probably also need to be concerned about your sexual health. Your lack of willingness to join him in his sexual "adventures" will probably not keep him from sleeping with other women.
I do not want to be so negetive. However, a good friend of mine has been going through this very same thing in her marriage. He was a fantastic guy! He taught Sunday School classes, was a supportive and loving husband for over 25 years, and then it all begn to fall apart and little by little she learned what he was doing. The last straw was when she had a easily treatable STD. She even discussed it with her husband telling him how the doctor was sure it was a mix up in the lab reports and he was going to run the test again. And her husband said nothing.
Contact people you now and trust and ask them to pray for you and your husband. They need no more details thn that, but ask them if they will commit to daily pray for Him. And please get some counseling for yourself.
I strongly urge you to get some counseling for yourself. You are likely in for a very rocky road. It would be wonderful if he would be willing to get some counseling, Christian or otherwise, but it sounds like he would not be inclined to do so.
You probably also need to be concerned about your sexual health. Your lack of willingness to join him in his sexual "adventures" will probably not keep him from sleeping with other women.
I do not want to be so negetive. However, a good friend of mine has been going through this very same thing in her marriage. He was a fantastic guy! He taught Sunday School classes, was a supportive and loving husband for over 25 years, and then it all begn to fall apart and little by little she learned what he was doing. The last straw was when she had a easily treatable STD. She even discussed it with her husband telling him how the doctor was sure it was a mix up in the lab reports and he was going to run the test again. And her husband said nothing.
Contact people you now and trust and ask them to pray for you and your husband. They need no more details thn that, but ask them if they will commit to daily pray for Him. And please get some counseling for yourself.
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I am so very thankful for those of you who replied to my cry. A friend told me about this site and that it was a good place for advice. She was right. I greatly appreciate the counsel and the prayers. I have an appointment tomarrow with a christian counselor (who happens to have her PHD in Psychology). I have shared this struggle with a few older women who are encouraging me (Titus 2:3-5). I started a bible study on 1 Peter last night. It is no coincidence that this book speaks directly to a wife whos husband does not obey the word. At any rate, this will be a struggle, and we have only begun. However I must put my faith and trust in the Lord and delight in Him even through this suffering. I am reading through Every Mans battle to better understand what sexual addiction is. I continue to appreciate any more words of wisdom. May the Lord bless you sammipher, hat lady, and bliz.
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isaiah5213
Bury Me With a Sword in my Hand
- Sep 8, 2004
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i will be praying for you and your husband fervently. i know your heart must feel ripped out of you, when he looks at you and says he doesn't believe in God...
please forgive him, when he does that.. i wll really be praying for you...
please forgive him, when he does that.. i wll really be praying for you...
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