Marriage Doubts

[Soulwinner79]

Hi all I have been thinking on this for awhile and I am unsure on what to do. I married my husband in Aug of 2001 and things have been hard and difficult like any other newly marriage.I knew this at the time before I married him that he has untreated moodswings and when he gets that way he will become emotionally and mental abusive to me. I don't let it bother me because I know it will pass. But its got me thinking I don't think I married out of true love like the marrying kind. I think I love him but not to the point of marriage and I guess I thought at that time in my life I thought I did but being with him almost 3 yrs it seems to me that this marriage may not have suppose to happen. All the things that I want from a marriage its not happening here. I mean its like it staying in the same rut like its always been. I mean I have heard for the 5 millionth time he is leaving filing for divorce,etc and nothing is ever done but when he says these things I am at the point of like great he is leaving so i wouldn't have to hear it once or twice a week anymore and I don't have to put up with the mood swings and such. If anyone has any advice then I will be greatful

 

[desi]

Love him.

 

[wheels4Christ]

Hi sister,

I am sorry you and your husband are going through this difficult time. Rest assure our Heavenly Father will guild and our Savior to heal and Holy Spirit to comfort. If I may offer some words.

I knew this at the time before I married him that he has untreated moodswings and when he gets that way he will become emotionally and mental abusive to me.

Your husband needs help here. Please do not make excuses... if it is really medically problem... he needs medical help or whatever. No abuse is acceptable. This behavior needs to change.

But its got me thinking I don't think I married out of true love like the marrying kind. I think I love him but not to the point of marriage and I guess I thought at that time in my life I thought I did but being with him almost 3 yrs it seems to me that this marriage may not have suppose to happen. All the things that I want from a marriage its not happening here. I mean its like it staying in the same rut like its always been.

This is the devil tempting you with vile thoughts. Cast this thinking away. Marriage is sacred to GOD. Do not shame Him with this sinnful thought. Pray hard and now for His stregthn.

I mean I have heard for the 5 millionth time he is leaving filing for divorce,etc and nothing is ever done but when he says these things I am at the point of like great he is leaving so i wouldn't have to hear it once or twice a week anymore and I don't have to put up with the mood swings and such.

am I reading correctly.... your hubby is threatning you with a divorce? again this is abusive behavior... and quite honestly it will be his sin if he does divorce you. I am guessing he is not a Christian since you posted it here. Nonetheless, you are a CHRISTIAN. As such, a light to the world. Do not let his hurtful words get to you.

I know it is difficult but you are doing the right thing by honoring the marriage. YES, the world would just give up. BUT you are not of this world. Please give your burden and hurt over to the cross. There is nothing Jesus didnt endure that cant match your pain. HE conqured it all. Jesus will heal you.

Its a given... but please talk with your husband when he isnt in moodswing.. assure him you are in marriage for life.. and you want to help him get better. I am sure when he sees how much he is hurting you... thru your love he will love yo back 10 fold. God bless.

 

[pete56]

Sister

I too am sorry to hear that you are having difficulties in your marriage, noboby should have to suffer abuse of any kind.

But I also know (from 27 years of experience) that marriage takes a lot of work to maintain any sort of loving relationship.

In my experiance, you can not change your spouse, even though you may wish you could! You can only change yourself. By this I don't mean be submissive and accpeting of his mood swings, but you may need to examine yourself to see if in any way you might actually be contributing to his moods etc.

In my opinion there are no perfect partners but if you want to improve yours (or I mine) then you need to practice being their perfect mate.

I hope this helps.

God Bless

Pete

 

[Soulwinner79]

See thats the thing its unpredictable I mean we could be riding along in the car he is a good mood I say one little thing that he misunderstands or what so he changes moods. Sometimes I feel like I married Dr, Jekyell and Mr.Hyde.

 

[wheels4Christ]

See thats the thing its unpredictable I mean we could be riding along in the car he is a good mood I say one little thing that he misunderstands or what so he changes moods. Sometimes I feel like I married Dr, Jekyell and Mr.Hyde.

Maybe a friendly reminder. I know you must have done so many times... keep at it. Eventually, he will acknowledge his need to change for marriage sake. Patience and persistence, sister.

Remember when Jesus was asked, "how many times muct I forgive my brother's tresspassess?" Well... this is your husband so.... heh 100000000x and then some

God bless.

 

[sarah marie]

See thats the thing its unpredictable I mean we could be riding along in the car he is a good mood I say one little thing that he misunderstands or what so he changes moods. Sometimes I feel like I married Dr, Jekyell and Mr.Hyde.

I think you may have married my husband's twin brother! What you are describing was the first three years of our marriage. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde was my nickname for him during that time. If what you are experiencing is anything like what I went through, then you need to hear from a sister in Christ, who endured. You and I really need to talk.

Too tired tonight to go on.....fading fast...lol

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well, you thought about all this a little on the late side.

Mood swings need treatment. If it is a mood disorder it's not going to get better.
Not just for your sake but his too.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Well, reading your description of your husband, it sounds a bit like me! My wife and I are both Christians, but my issues have kept me from getting very close to God until recently. We separated 3 months ago, and from her perspective, we might as well be unequally yoked! I think if he is amenable to counseling, you should look into it. If he is not, you do have to protect yourself or may want to go to counselgin by yourself, to see if you are contributing to his moods (enabling.)

I've been diagnosed as a narcissist/obsessive-compulsive, and his mood swings (reactions that are way out of wahck, misinterpreting statements) sound a lot like what I go through.

 

[SuzQ]

I mean I have heard for the 5 millionth time he is leaving filing for divorce,etc and nothing is ever done but when he says these things I am at the point of like great he is leaving so i wouldn't have to hear it once or twice a week anymore and I don't have to put up with the mood swings and such. If anyone has any advice then I will be greatful

I agree with a lot of these other posts - try to hang on & do what you can by praying for him & praying for God to reveal WHY you should love this person, even if you're a bit unhappy in the marriage right now. No one is going to be the perfect husband, so don't let Satan get to your thought process on that. I know, I'm on my second husband & although he's more loving than my first, I've seen great changes & growth in my first husband over the years, as well! LOL! Even though we parted about ten years ago & I'm very happily married now, I've learned to appreciate my ex & see the good qualities I wasn't willing to see when we were so young - right around your age. (We have a son together, so I had to force myself to swallow my pride). Sometimes that isn't who a person is deep down, it's really the "immaturity" taking over.

I would try to have a heart-to-heart with him. (Somewhere in a park or quiet area away from "normal day" places). Before you even talk - make RULES. One person goes at a time and the other cannot say BOO until the other is finished, or make any facial gestures such rolling eyes, or deep, heavy breathing sighs. Hold his hand & start out by reminding him of why you married him in the first place - his good qualities and some things that he does that make you feel good! (That always softens them up & immediately takes the aggression out of the talk). Be honest in how his mood swings make you feel. Never use the words, "you always" or "you just can't do this, you can never do that, etc". Instead, offer suggestions that you think could help, "I was thinking that perhaps we could use some direction or counseling......yadda, yadda, yadda....What do you think?". Two scenarios could occur:

1. He could really, really do a big turnaround (but not overnight). The Lord may reveal a completely different side of him to you that you COULD easily love & want to stay committed. Most importantly, He will reward you with abundant blessings for following His directions and a being a godly wife!
2. If you try everything you can think of, like suggesting that you both get help, and he refuses and still wants to get a divorce - let him. The Lord will be proud of everything you did and tried. Most importantly, He will reward you with abundant blessings for following His directions and a being a godly wife!

It's when we DON'T seek and listen to the Holy Spirit that we get ourselves in trouble and further away from God's grace. "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger". Don't seek the easy way out...."easy" sometimes brings more hardship than you could ever imagine.

Good luck, God bless, and I will pray for you!