Marriage choice in the sight of the Lord

[JohnMarsten]

Ispired by a thread (by Contented)

I was thinking about the choice a marriage partner.

As a matter of fact I am still being single and sometimes I wonder how this thing really works or should work and wanted to ask you about your experiences.

I mean unhappy marriages happen, divorces (with the SDA or other denoms) happen as well, I know a few couple that got divorced, when I asked them if they had asked the Lord whether they should get married, it turned out: no one did, it just seemed right.

Personally I am rather inclined to wait on the Lord to provide somebody for me, but as the years go by, I sometimes wonder if the whole job isnt up for me, with the Lord blessing my finding of a wife... and I am actually wasting my time.

What are your experiences? Married or single, how do you cope with these matters??

 

[E.T.Elijah]

John, waiting on the Lord is always the best. Most couples today confuse lust with love. Passion outweighs clear thought. Marriage takes alot of work. If people would actually give thought to the vows that they say ahead of time, maybe there would be less divorce nowadays. They don't just say for better and health and riches. They also include worse and sickness and poor. It means not just sharing in the good times but also sharing in the bad times also.
My first wife and I were together for 14 years. We had plenty of ups and downs. But in the end we knew we would get through anything with God's help. And we did. After she passed away, I never wanted to be with anyone else. But, God had a different plan for me. After a few years I started to feel the need for companionship. Not romantically per say, but someone to talk to and go out and do things with. At this same time, God was helping a young lady through a rough divorce. He brought us together in His infinite wisdom. My longing to share my life experience and faith with another and her longing for a healthy relationship and searching for a God that seemed so distant to her made it seem as though we were made to be together. It was a whirlwind to be sure as neither of us were looking for love. But that is exactly what God had in mind. We are now happily married with a mixed family of kids (my 14yo, her 5yo, and our 9 month old twins) and both are stronger in our faith in Jesus.

 

[Princessdi]

Well, JM, I am in the same boat with you. While being single has it's advantages, I would like to get married some day........at least experience it....before the second coming.......LOL!!!

Now as woman and a rather modern women, Baby Boomer, I was impressed quite a while ago the I should adhere to the biblical standards for marriage that is Proverbs 18:22(meaning no chasing men down, not that I ever did) and Ephesians 5:22, that I should only accept a man to whom I can submit myself. Notice I used the word submit, and not control. They are two different concepts in that submit is voluntary. I happen to believe if biblical principles are followed that you actually do end up with a partnership.

Proverbs 31 woman was a very progressive woman, not at all a stay at home Mom, had her own business interests, etc. It is a picture of what we would consider a modern woman. She was pride and joy of her family. I don't know where we got the Beaver Cleaver Mom concept. But it is not biblical.

You know several years ago,I heard a sermon abiout "Waiting on the Lord". The preacher said it was not "wating" as in twittling ones thumbs and waiting, but waiting, as in "serving" the Lord. That really resonating with me and I hope that is how I have been trying to "wait" ever since.

 

[JohnMarsten]

thank you for your replies!



I will pursue the way of the Lord, I guess however, I had to realize that God has not worked with lightning speed on that one as of yet, anyway, all God's men had to face some trials and tribulation, and I guess this one is for me

 

[Princessdi]

....not just for you, JM. I guess my eyes have been opened a bit today, and I thank you. I always wanted to believe that it was a man's choice not to be married...........

thank you for your replies!



I will pursue the way of the Lord, I guess however, I had to realize that God has not worked with lightning speed on that one as of yet, anyway, all God's men had to face some trials and tribulation, and I guess this one is for me

 

[Contented]

John I agree with the other posters, waiting of God is the right thing. As the Psalmist said, wait on the Lord, be of good courage and he will direct your path.

God's timing is the best. He knows how and when. Keep trusting God will be faithful.

 

[Contented]

Proverbs 31 woman was a very progressive woman, not at all a stay at home Mom, had her own business interests, etc. It is a picture of what we would consider a modern woman. She was pride and joy of her family. I don't know where we got the Beaver Cleaver Mom concept. But it is not biblical.

Princessdi I have to say you have written words of wisdom. Many confuse the role of the Christian woman, many think that unless a woman is a stay at home Mom she is not a REAL Christian mom. I have always seen the Proverbs 31 woman as a business woman and one who made decisions. Thanks for enlightening us all.

 

[JohnMarsten]

Proverbs 31 woman was a very progressive woman, not at all a stay at home Mom, had her own business interests, etc. It is a picture of what we would consider a modern woman. She was pride and joy of her family. I don't know where we got the Beaver Cleaver Mom concept. But it is not biblical.

Princessdi I have to say you have written words of wisdom. Many confuse the role of the Christian woman, many think that unless a woman is a stay at home Mom she is not a REAL Christian mom. I have always seen the Proverbs 31 woman as a business woman and one who made decisions. Thanks for enlightening us all.

Even though I kinda like the idea of having some sort of business woman around who makes alot of money and stuff, I have some restriction towards this idea:

if both parents do go to work, children will face different kind of upbringing... you never know what kind of an effect it will have on them...

business oriented women will naturally put their work in the first place, I think so because once you go to work you will have arrange your life in accordance with your work and not the other way round, naturally other things may or will suffer, besides who is gonna do the housework? (properly), children may not get a proper, HEALHTY meal at all times or even at a regular basis....

of course these things may seem minor, but well...

 

[Princessdi]

You know JM, in the past, this might have been a problem. However, with the emergence of more small home based busineAs it stands to day you can work pretty much from anywhere even with the right smartphone. These days there are options.

However, since we mentioned the Proverbs 31 woman let's just look at what it says. She had none of the modern conveniences we have today, but look at what she accomplished. Take special notice to what it says about her husband and children.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

 

[EastCoastRemnant]

To me, when I read that passage, it doesn't speak of the modern woman as much as it does of the women of the pioneering era.

The 'modern' women, for the most part, are being deceived into thinking their worth and purpose is outside the home, to be sexually aggressive and to feel independent of a 'partner'. Not what God had intended, imo.

 

[Princessdi]

Really? I guess some are, if you know some.................but the ones I know are wives and mothers(some single) doing exactly what is outlined in that passage....inside and outside the home....multitasking until she lays her head down at night.............I have to say that the sexually aggressive portion sounds like a personal problem and I will refrain from commenting on it..........

I am not exactly sure what you mean by women are being meant to feel "independent of a 'partner', though. I know I do believe that in these days two people should come together as two "whole" people. Not expecting the other to "complete" them, at least not for anything except fulfilling the space God meant for a life pardner. Far too many "needy" people embarking on marital life with disastrous results.

To me, when I read that passage, it doesn't speak of the modern woman as much as it does of the women of the pioneering era.

The 'modern' women, for the most part, are being deceived into thinking their worth and purpose is outside the home, to be sexually aggressive and to feel independent of a 'partner'. Not what God had intended, imo.

 

[EastCoastRemnant]

Really? I guess some are, if you know some.................but the ones I know are wives and mothers(some single) doing exactly what is outlined in that passage....inside and outside the home....multitasking until she lays her head down at night.............I have to say that the sexually aggressive portion sounds like a personal problem and I will refrain from commenting on it..........

I am not exactly sure what you mean by women are being meant to feel "independent of a 'partner', though. I know I do believe that in these days two people should come together as two "whole" people. Not expecting the other to "complete" them, at least not for anything except fulfilling the space God meant for a life pardner. Far too many "needy" people embarking on marital life with disastrous results.

I'm more refering to 'worldlings' if that is even a proper word. Young people today that have no moral compass are being manipulated and indoctrinated into an empty, worthless existance. I read a statistic that addiction to pornography is no longer a male dominated condition. Too many girls are growing up not being properly reared by Godly fathers to give them their sense of self worth, thereby causing the young women to seek it where they can. The media is inundating our young people so that boys, never grow up and take on the responsibility of manhood and woman, partly because of the lack of strong male influences are being forced to take on the roles that God meant for men. Yes, I know that women can and do the things that men do or are supposed to do but it doesn't mean they were meant to.

 

[JohnMarsten]

To me, when I read that passage, it doesn't speak of the modern woman as much as it does of the women of the pioneering era.

The 'modern' women, for the most part, are being deceived into thinking their worth and purpose is outside the home, to be sexually aggressive and to feel independent of a 'partner'. Not what God had intended, imo.

I have to agree with you!

IMHO the whole thing about feminism and emacipation brought a few good things, when you think about how women were treated in the TV show 'mad men' you will know what I mean. When one takes a closer look however, you will realize that man in the worldly sense was treating women badly, this gave rise to the whole, a woman can decide about herself campain, like you said she has been tricked into thinking: It is my body and I can do whatever I like. If men can have several sexual partners, I can too... becoming a harlot has never been that lawful same goes with abortions... just think about how many children are murdered every year, it really grieves my heart. Society will even promote that by saying a woman has every right to decide about her future, and bringing up a child at that stage of life will naturally spoil the career, yeah, you got it, one cannot serve both money and God...

 

[JohnMarsten]

You know JM, in the past, this might have been a problem. However, with the emergence of more small home based busineAs it stands to day you can work pretty much from anywhere even with the right smartphone. These days there are options.

However, since we mentioned the Proverbs 31 woman let's just look at what it says. She had none of the modern conveniences we have today, but look at what she accomplished. Take special notice to what it says about her husband and children.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

what exactly do you think she has accomplished?

I understand that the writer talk about a virtuous woman who in her situation does what is necessary and refrains from being lazy.

Have a look at again, the passage writes about a woman who buys a field, has maiden and stuff, who gave her the money to buy the field, who hired the maiden,(she wasnt alone in doing all those things)

For me the passage speaks about a resourceful woman, not stupid and stuff, BUT not every woman can become a business woman, imagine somebody who has lost her husband, lets say car crash or whatever, and has to make ends meet now, bringing up her children, doing a lot of extra work, mostly these women just barely make, without too much help from the outside world... yeah, think about the woman who gave little yet everything and what Jesus said about her...

 

[JohnMarsten]

Really? I guess some are, if you know some.................but the ones I know are wives and mothers(some single) doing exactly what is outlined in that passage....inside and outside the home....multitasking until she lays her head down at night.............I have to say that the sexually aggressive portion sounds like a personal problem and I will refrain from commenting on it..........

I am not exactly sure what you mean by women are being meant to feel "independent of a 'partner', though. I know I do believe that in these days two people should come together as two "whole" people. Not expecting the other to "complete" them, at least not for anything except fulfilling the space God meant for a life pardner. Far too many "needy" people embarking on marital life with disastrous results.

I believe ECR is referring to women, who are in no need of a partner in regard to their financial situation. In fact many women, especially career oriented ones, will mostly want somebody who they can show off with at the next party, and of course be sexually satisfied and stuff...

THe idea of a partner as such is foolishness IMHO... a partner can be anybody, IMO it is about a holy union with wife and husband, two people loving each other, who pledged to share their lifes with each other completely disregarding outer circumstances, not too many people think that way, (of course this is my faulty observation, only GOd knows what people are up too),

 

[JohnMarsten]

I'm more refering to 'worldlings' if that is even a proper word. Young people today that have no moral compass are being manipulated and indoctrinated into an empty, worthless existance. I read a statistic that addiction to pornography is no longer a male dominated condition. Too many girls are growing up not being properly reared by Godly fathers to give them their sense of self worth, thereby causing the young women to seek it where they can. The media is inundating our young people so that boys, never grow up and take on the responsibility of manhood and woman, partly because of the lack of strong male influences are being forced to take on the roles that God meant for men. Yes, I know that women can and do the things that men do or are supposed to do but it doesn't mean they were meant to.

right again ECR

besides there is another policy destroying manhood: Metrosexualism.

Man have changed over the years (not me I have never been made fit for society )

nowadays women (hopefully not all) prefer a different kind of man, one who cares a lot about himself and stuff (I dont know too much about metrosexualism, though, but from what I observed is that many men follow trends and many women will reinforce that behavior) its a weird world we are living in...

 

[EastCoastRemnant]

...its a weird world we are living in...

Ain't that the truth....

Come quickly Lord Jesus!

 

[Princessdi]

Like most situations in the Bible, JM, I believe this one also to be given as an example. I believe you got the gist of it in that she was extremely intelligent, resourceful, baiscally not idle, and definitely not locked into "household chores" under her husbands control. However, the the docile, "beaver Cleaver" woman was the model was subsequently put forth as the "desire, even godly, ideal. We can see biblically that is not the case. So, I dont' believe that it means that every woman should start he own business, but the type of woman described that is the point.

what exactly do you think she has accomplished?

I understand that the writer talk about a virtuous woman who in her situation does what is necessary and refrains from being lazy.

Have a look at again, the passage writes about a woman who buys a field, has maiden and stuff, who gave her the money to buy the field, who hired the maiden,(she wasnt alone in doing all those things)

For me the passage speaks about a resourceful woman, not stupid and stuff, BUT not every woman can become a business woman, imagine somebody who has lost her husband, lets say car crash or whatever, and has to make ends meet now, bringing up her children, doing a lot of extra work, mostly these women just barely make, without too much help from the outside world... yeah, think about the woman who gave little yet everything and what Jesus said about her...

 

[Princessdi]

I believe ECR is referring to women, who are in no need of a partner in regard to their financial situation. In fact many women, especially career oriented ones, will mostly want somebody who they can show off with at the next party, and of course be sexually satisfied and stuff...

So, JM, the roles, as you see it have switched. This used to be what the many was looking for, and little more than "eye candy".

THe idea of a partner as such is foolishness IMHO... a partner can be anybody, IMO it is about a holy union with wife and husband, two people loving each other, who pledged to share their lifes with each other completely disregarding outer circumstances, not too many people think that way, (of course this is my faulty observation, only GOd knows what people are up too),

Your obsrvation is not faulty rather the "partnership" to which I was referring. Both have to be in it...not 50/50, but 100%........is that not a partnership? I believe that is what glorifies god as a marriage untion, two whole people bringing their lives together as one. I just used different phrasing, probably one the brings up other connotations not intended for the man/woman situation, but believe me, I mean it for a man/woman relationship.

ECR, what is a "worldling"? I like Scfi-fi and have never even heard of this term.

 

[EastCoastRemnant]

ECR, what is a "worldling"? I like Scfi-fi and have never even heard of this term.

Just a term I made up... essentially, someone that is of the world...formerly known as 'heathen', 'infidel', 'lover of pleasure more than of God' etc.