Marriage Care

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I've noticed in most churches I've been to that there are pre-marriage courses, and then they jump straight to divorce care.

Don't our churches think we need mentoring in marriage or something? It's something that's always driven me crazy. I'm not married yet, but possibly heading towards that (praise Jesus), and am hoping our church starts something up soon specifically for supporting the newly marrieds in our church (there have been 9 marriages this year). I find it surprising that they are all for classes in preparation for marriage, but don't think to have some support in place for new marriages! They just wait until you have problems and separate, and then come alongside you in that.

Does anyone's churches have marriage support courses? Or at least put an older married couple in place to minister to a newly married couple.

Even if our church didn't have something official in place, I'd certainly be praying for a good married couple to come into our paths to come alongside us at that point.

Sasch

 

[Cordy]

I think marriage support is super important. We live in a society that generally doesn’t support strong marriages, and even in the church we can be surrounded by friends and family who make building a strong marital foundation difficult rather than offering encouragement.

The last church we went to recognized this need. They would often have different speakers and seminars and strengthening marriage. It was not just for newly weds, but for all married couples. I think this was a great idea.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I have not seen any information on marriage support in the churches around where I live though I do believe that there is a Christian group that offers marriage support in our area. I agree that it is important and something we need more groups/courses for.

 

[bkg]

I've noticed in most churches I've been to that there are pre-marriage courses, and then they jump straight to divorce care.

<snip>

Even if our church didn't have something official in place, I'd certainly be praying for a good married couple to come into our paths to come alongside us at that point.

Sasch

You just touched on two things that drive me up a wall. When I started attending my church, I sat down with the ADult Ministries Pastor and told him my story - how I married the girl of my dreams and lost her because, frankly, I had no clue how to be married. I asked him the same exact question you ask now "why do we go from pre-marriage counseling directly to divorce care, with nothing in between?". IIRC, the response was a perplexed look.

I also blieve that "Marriage Mentoring" is extremely important. And it's not something that many churches do or provide. This should actually, in my opinion, start when the couple is engaged. There should be some sort of formal "plan" to connect the young couple with a Godly "elder" couple in the church for mentoring throughout the engagement (set expectations) and through the first year or so of marriage (help with the adjustment)...

Frankly, I think it's sad, and the #1 reason divorce rates are rising so fast in the church, that we will do everything we can to help a couple say "I do"... and then respond with only "Good luck... and hopefully we won't see you in DivorceCare"...

 

[katelyn]

I've attended churches that seem to want to provide help and mentorship for young couples. The problem these programs seem to have is getting more experienced couples to commit to being mentors. Whether it's because they don't feel qualified or are afraid of having to be honest about the struggles they've had in their marriages, I don't know. But the issue does take some bravery on both sides, because for these programs to be at all beneficial, it takes some humble honesty to admit to your church that your marriage isn't perfect after all. (Even though if we think about it logically, we know that no marriage is perfect.)

 

[Jenna]

Our church started taking a more vested interest in marriage, this past year. Now we have courses using "Homebuilders", along with being active in participating in many marriage seminars that come to our area.

 

[Cright]

I'm so happy to see this topic come up!

I am engaged and will be married with in the next year (God willing, we haven't set the date, it will be Aug 05 or May 06 )

At church we have already had people approach us with some information on pre-marital counciling. We get a "mentor couple" and the work with us for 13 weeks. We still don't have details on the information that we'll be learning but it's nice that they have a plan set for us.

Looking forward though.. EVERYONE says that the 1st year(s) of marriage are the hardest, for several different reasons. John and I are prepared to work for our marriage, but I'm not closed minded.. I know that things will come up that we can't prepare for, and we need to be ready to work together even on the unexpected.

So.. if EVERYONE seems to know that the first year(s) are so hard, how come they don't have a marriage ministry set up? I'm sure if the chruches did, then the couples would form lasting bonds with other couples and after a couple years then they could turn around and minister to the newer couples.

Right now John and I are using a couples devotional book to try to cover subjects we may have neglected and to try to keep each other accountable too.. but all of the stuff I can find is geared to us now (pre-marriage) I want to start looking now for something for married couples.. if anyone knows of anything.. please post it here!

Thanks.. great thread!

Hugs,
Carina

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

There are a few good things you can get off of www.family.com (focus on the family) and www.familylife.com - the latter has a daily devotional you can do (it's from Quiet Moments for Couples, which you can find on the devotional part of this site too)!

If you want intimacy topics, then www.themarriagebed.com is fantastic for discussing sexual issues and behaviours, and what God says about it - got nothing but high praise for those guys!

Congratulations by the way!

Oh yeah - what is the devotional book you're using at the moment, cos I'd be interested in that for me and my bf.

Sasch

 

[Cright]

Sasch,

Thanks for the links. The book we are using right now is Devotions for dating couples.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0785267492/103-5489236-6913428?v=glance That's the amazon link to the book. We're only just starting it really, but so far so good.

We recently purchased this bible http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/031090868X/ref=sib_dp_pt/103-5489236-6913428#reader-link for anytime we do devotions or reading together. We've only had a chance to flip through it really, but I really like it. It covers TONS of topics in the "study" boxes. This is the only thing that we have that is geared to be transitional from engaged to married.

Thanks for the congrats! We're both excited and really enjoying the pre-planning/planning stage right now!

God Bless,
Carina

 

[mamaneenie]

I've been married for 3 1/2 years, and I have found that the first year was the hardest too. It's just a bit of a shock really. A nice shock sometimes, but a shock nonetheless.

OUr church has marriage counsellors, and occasionally I have seen a marriage enrichment course advertised in the newsletter, but that's about it. The pastors in our church won't marry you, unless you have done the pre-marriage counselling.

 

[Cright]

marriage enrichment courses sound like they'd be very benificial... I'll have to really check.. I haven't asked TOO much yet.. but I haven't seen anything advertised in any bulletin or anything either.
God Bless,
Carina

 

[Lena75]

Our church has marriage retreats about twice a year. Go on a little trip without the young'uns and have fun as couples. We also have some sessions on marriage and how to keep it strong in the Lord.

 

[lovinjesus44]

Sascha,

Great Point! Our church has a great marriage ministry and I would encourage you to approach an elder/leader with your suggestion. Or maybe get together with the newlyweds that you know and/or some older couples and see if they're interested. I think everyone wants to improve their marriage in some way! Nobody's perfect. If the church will not set up an official class at church, maybe you could have a home group with the interested parties to share experiences and grow together! God bless your efforts!