Manic/Depressive preference and Suicidal ideaologies

[ShadowsChild]

Have be diagnosed Bipolar since my early teens (30 now) and was curious.. I seem to have more depressive episodes than manic. Is there anyone else out there that experience one type over the other. And for those who know they experience both.. if you had to stay in one type of episode over the other for a while, which would you prefer? Or think you would prefer.

The depression.... its killing me. My shrink says because the depression is so extensive, my mind has pretty much slid into a constant suicidal state. It's so hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. But I manage. I keep telling myself that when my daughter is old enough - then I can leave. But thats still 8 years away. It doesn't help that its the Holiday Season. For whatever reason, New Year's always make things worse. I think its because I can't hope for something better in the coming new year. I'm just tired.

 

[Meowzltov]

And for those who know they experience both.. if you had to stay in one type of episode over the other for a while, which would you prefer? Or think you would prefer.

I don't know that I could choose. Depression robs me of my ability to do a darn thing to help myself and makes me want to die. Mania makes me a basket case and I end up screwing up my life royally, doing things that I can't undo later and deeply regret. If I HAD to choose, I'd choose depression, simply because I don't ruin my job and relationships. But honestly, it's knock down drag out life killing. I'm bipolar 2 btw.

 

[redblue22]

I'm pretty stupid manic. I try to find some normalcy in the depression/mania and a fistful of pills. I can't leap buildings and mountains, but I can be there with my loved ones who celebrate the holy days. It is not perfect, but I am there with the memories.