Is omission lying?if you are keeping a secret for the better good,would this be a sin?
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Lying in a marriage.
- Thread starter rhema glory
- Start date
I totally agree w/ everything you just said,but have recently been put into a situation,where it is more for his safety!I'd post about it here but I don't want it to be moved(has once already) b/c I really need some "marriage" advice on the matter.
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rhema glory... If you can post the link to where it was moved, we can see what you have written and come back here to make comment...Michaelrhema glory said:
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Omission, when it is something that is a legitimate concern of your spouse, is a sin.
If a girlfriend had told you something about her life, that is not a secret that you must share with your husband. But something that involves you and would be of interest and/or concern for him, is very much his business.
God instructs us to tell the truth. When we think that we can figure out when telling the truth will be wise and when it would be a mistake, we are thinking that we are smarter than God. When we think we are smarter than God, disaster almost always follows.
Humanly speaking, people (adults) are never better off to be kept ignorant.
If a girlfriend had told you something about her life, that is not a secret that you must share with your husband. But something that involves you and would be of interest and/or concern for him, is very much his business.
God instructs us to tell the truth. When we think that we can figure out when telling the truth will be wise and when it would be a mistake, we are thinking that we are smarter than God. When we think we are smarter than God, disaster almost always follows.
Humanly speaking, people (adults) are never better off to be kept ignorant.
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It depends. Most usually, honesty is the best policy. If your spouse's well being might be adversely harmed by lack of knowledge, you should tell.
On the other hand, there was an incident in our family nearly a decade ago when my younger daughter became quite emotionally distraught. To calm her down and to keep a family feud from erupting, I took her for a drive. (She was in her early teens, so that should give you some idea of what it was like.)
As I tried talking to her, I missed a turn off and took a wrong turn. Before we knew it we had become lost on a very rugged and rocky terrain -- and I was driving my wife's car!
Suffice it to say it was impossible to turn around or back up; the only way out was ahead but the terrain kept getting worse and worse and worse. My daughter forgot all about what was bugging her and became frightened by the dips and drops we were going through (and this was a sedan, not an SUV).
We finally found out way back to the main road, by which point we were so relieved that we both broke out laughing. We both realized, however, that we could never tell my wife what we put her car through or else she'd blow a gasket and never let us hear the last of it and that would only accerbate the now calmed down situation.
So, we didn't tell her. The next day my wife noticed the car was covered in dust and wondered where it came from.
"Dust storms," I said. "They sometimes sweep through in the middle of the night..."
On the other hand, there was an incident in our family nearly a decade ago when my younger daughter became quite emotionally distraught. To calm her down and to keep a family feud from erupting, I took her for a drive. (She was in her early teens, so that should give you some idea of what it was like.)
As I tried talking to her, I missed a turn off and took a wrong turn. Before we knew it we had become lost on a very rugged and rocky terrain -- and I was driving my wife's car!
Suffice it to say it was impossible to turn around or back up; the only way out was ahead but the terrain kept getting worse and worse and worse. My daughter forgot all about what was bugging her and became frightened by the dips and drops we were going through (and this was a sedan, not an SUV).
We finally found out way back to the main road, by which point we were so relieved that we both broke out laughing. We both realized, however, that we could never tell my wife what we put her car through or else she'd blow a gasket and never let us hear the last of it and that would only accerbate the now calmed down situation.
So, we didn't tell her. The next day my wife noticed the car was covered in dust and wondered where it came from.
"Dust storms," I said. "They sometimes sweep through in the middle of the night..."
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I don't think he would hurt me.He is a good husband,but he's not saved and wouldn't show the same self control a christian man would. He has been in his share of fights(mainly in high school,but it was almost daily) I remember about 3yrs into our marriage we were watching a movie. There was a r*pe scence and he said if anyone ever did that to me he'd kill them,I said come on no you wouldn't-he then said something like,ok I might not kill them but I would beat them w/ in an inch of their life. He grew up watching his mom do all sorts of crazy stuff.
With me not going to the authorities(being realistic,as a week has gone by etc etc,it's not worth the circus)I know he will want to take things into his own hands.Fortunatley they don't "hang out" on a reg basis. He ususally only see's him when he has a computer related question(which is why he came to my house,to pick up a cd my hubby burned)or in passing at work. I know I can't hold it in I am giving it to God,asking for guidance,protection and clarity. Yes the possibility of it happening again scares me,but I won't make the same dumb mistake twice. We are moving in about 9mo anyway. I have decided that I will get tested,just for peace of mind.UGH amazing how one person can change your whole life!!!!!!!
If anyone has been in a similar situation please private message me.This is not exactly something I am ready to talk about in person w/ anyone from church.Thank you.
With me not going to the authorities(being realistic,as a week has gone by etc etc,it's not worth the circus)I know he will want to take things into his own hands.Fortunatley they don't "hang out" on a reg basis. He ususally only see's him when he has a computer related question(which is why he came to my house,to pick up a cd my hubby burned)or in passing at work. I know I can't hold it in I am giving it to God,asking for guidance,protection and clarity. Yes the possibility of it happening again scares me,but I won't make the same dumb mistake twice. We are moving in about 9mo anyway. I have decided that I will get tested,just for peace of mind.UGH amazing how one person can change your whole life!!!!!!!
If anyone has been in a similar situation please private message me.This is not exactly something I am ready to talk about in person w/ anyone from church.Thank you.
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charligirl
Senior Veteran
I think you must tell your husband and you must tell the authorities, the man deserves to be punished.. and stopped from doing this ever again and putting another women through this.
There will be huge emotional ramifications from this and your marriage will most likely suffer if you keep this from him. you need his support and protection and understanding as you come to terms with what has happened and go to God for your healing.
I haven't been in your position but i know people who have and you can't keep this a secret. I pray that God gives you wisdom and peace in this matter. You might want to post this in the women's forum under 'women who struggle' you may find some there who have been through this.
There will be huge emotional ramifications from this and your marriage will most likely suffer if you keep this from him. you need his support and protection and understanding as you come to terms with what has happened and go to God for your healing.
I haven't been in your position but i know people who have and you can't keep this a secret. I pray that God gives you wisdom and peace in this matter. You might want to post this in the women's forum under 'women who struggle' you may find some there who have been through this.
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Lori-lee
Regular Member
I posted in the other thread, Rhema Glory. My fiance isnt at all Christian. But he was able to show restraint, as was my mother (also unsaved) for me. Of course, they both refuse to see these ppl ever again, but at least theyre not seeking trouble.
I'm not sure where it fits in with being a sin. I mean, where do we get the guidelines for just what we should/must tell people. If ur trying to lead somebody to a conclusion thru an ommission, then sure, thatd be a sin akin to lying, like, ur way of 'telling' them something is actually, technically just to not tell them certain things. ie "i read that Coke poisons you" whilst ommiting to mention the fact that you read it as part of a joke. But as to what u should and shouldnt share from ur life.......im not sure how u tell whats a sin and what isnt. And im not sure thats ur biggest problem.
I'm not sure where it fits in with being a sin. I mean, where do we get the guidelines for just what we should/must tell people. If ur trying to lead somebody to a conclusion thru an ommission, then sure, thatd be a sin akin to lying, like, ur way of 'telling' them something is actually, technically just to not tell them certain things. ie "i read that Coke poisons you" whilst ommiting to mention the fact that you read it as part of a joke. But as to what u should and shouldnt share from ur life.......im not sure how u tell whats a sin and what isnt. And im not sure thats ur biggest problem.
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Lori-lee
Regular Member
I'm sorry, but i think thats the last thing u should say. Thats emotional blackmail.Blue Impulse said:
For starters, we all know nothing will come of it. The physical evidence (any sperm/pre-cum, lacerations, abrasions) will be gone and they're only proof of intercourse, not rape. It takes a huge amount of strength to go thru courts, the kind of emotional strength that isnt alwasy there when ur world has been turned upside down. RG will be dragged thru a nasty, nasty court case, where it cannot be PROVED that 'Scum' raped her. Being that RG is a christian person who is also quite upset,the judge may have a strong suspicion that she was indeed raped, but nobody goes to jail on suspision or hunch.
So do you know who wins? "Scum" wins out, having hurt RG more, raping her emotionally. Feeling invincible. Knowing he cant be touched. Even less afraid next time.
if i sound bitter, its coz i am.
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D
Desert Fox
Guest
Ask Laci Peterson or Lori Hacking if their husbands' webs of lies were good for their marriage -- wait, both those women were brutally murdered.
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
You are in a tough situation. I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. I haven't been raped before, but here is what I would do if I were in your shoes. First of all, you should contact the rape crisis hotline and talk with someone about your experience. Then, you should contact the police and find out what charges you can press against that guy. Then, if you decide to file a report and press charges, you should bring your husband along and tell him about it at the police station in front of the police officer while you're filling out the report. The police officer will be able to lend support and comfort to you and your husband while you're both there. It will help your husband to hear what the police officer will say.
Some small lies are not a big deal, but this rape incident is not to be "swept under the carpet." Like others have already mentioned on this thread, you need to get counseling and be honest with your husband about this. Pray about this and ask friends to pray for you. Please do not underestimate the power of God. God is able to bring understanding and calmness to any situation. So be honest, FEARLESS, and do the right thing. If anyone can change your husband's heart, GOD CAN. Please trust in God and give Him a chance to work things out for you and your husband. This is a good opportunity for both you and your husband to experience God's grace, healing and love. God is AWESOME and he will amaze you if you would give him the chance. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep the faith.
Some small lies are not a big deal, but this rape incident is not to be "swept under the carpet." Like others have already mentioned on this thread, you need to get counseling and be honest with your husband about this. Pray about this and ask friends to pray for you. Please do not underestimate the power of God. God is able to bring understanding and calmness to any situation. So be honest, FEARLESS, and do the right thing. If anyone can change your husband's heart, GOD CAN. Please trust in God and give Him a chance to work things out for you and your husband. This is a good opportunity for both you and your husband to experience God's grace, healing and love. God is AWESOME and he will amaze you if you would give him the chance. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep the faith.
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I don't see the correlation there!Desert Fox said:
If/when i tell him,it will be after the holidays.No reason for us BOTH to be miserable. I forgot your name(the one that left the link) I will take a look at that! Oh and thanks for not making me feel selfish
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Honestly if my friend did that, and my wife didn't tell me, I would wonder why. The longer it takes, the worse it would get. As for not going to the authorities, I wonder why you feel the need to protect this friend.
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LegacyOfLove
Senior Veteran
RhemaGlory,
If you will e-mail me, I will tell you about my own situation (it's just too personal for me to share here). My e-mail address is available by PM. Ironically, I have just recently dealt with something similar to what you are going through now.
But, please let me say this: There IS hope! And I would be glad to share more with you if you want to write to me!
If you will e-mail me, I will tell you about my own situation (it's just too personal for me to share here). My e-mail address is available by PM. Ironically, I have just recently dealt with something similar to what you are going through now.
But, please let me say this: There IS hope! And I would be glad to share more with you if you want to write to me!
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LegacyOfLove
Senior Veteran
Lori-Lee - I agree with you about not going to the authorities. Any woman who has gone through this KNOWS that you MUST have some evidence for it to actually have any chance of that person being convicted of the crime they committed. People like to believe that the police will just take a woman's word on it, but that often is not the case. In fact, the police often turn it around and blame her for it happening....or worse yet, accuse her of lying because there isn't sufficient "evidence" to prove it happened as she said that it did.
No two situations are the same for sure, but without "proof" AND a willingness to go through the emotional/mental trauma necessary to go through such a court process....sometimes (often times it seems) a woman is better of to seek counselling, join a support group and to take it to God in prayer...in order to get through the ordeal.
You have your reasons for not telling your husband about it right now and I don't fault you for hesitating. As I said, I am willing to offer more insight into my own situation, via e-mail...because it may be something that you can find useful in helping you through your dilema.
No two situations are the same for sure, but without "proof" AND a willingness to go through the emotional/mental trauma necessary to go through such a court process....sometimes (often times it seems) a woman is better of to seek counselling, join a support group and to take it to God in prayer...in order to get through the ordeal.
You have your reasons for not telling your husband about it right now and I don't fault you for hesitating. As I said, I am willing to offer more insight into my own situation, via e-mail...because it may be something that you can find useful in helping you through your dilema.
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I will most likely only be replying to the link the previous poster left(assault thread) but did want to adress this question. I don't feel that I am protecting his friend, but feel in a way I am protecting myself from being put thru the ringer. I've always heard stories how ppl get raped all over thruogh the legal system. I don't want ppl wondering if I somehow brought it on. I don't want hubby to have to go to work and have everyone know what happened to me(as I'm sure "he" will try to make up some story to defend himself,and turn it around one me) As to why I haven't told him yet,again I'm afraid of what he may do, and I don't want him hounding me to go to the authorities either. It's not that simple. I wish it NEVER happened,and yes I do feel guilty for not telling,but maybe it is better that way.Thank you for your care and concern.Svt4Him said:
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A number of us, in discussing this issue, have used a phrase like "it happened". "I'm sorry that this happened to you." "This should not have happened to you."
Rape does not just "happen". A man commits the act of rape. A man decides to rape a woman, and then does it. We see it in news reports: "A woman was raped while walking in the park." Such passive language! "A woman was raped by a man while walking in the park is far more accurate."
But I think that this passive language is part of why we sometimes end up blameing women and making it their fault, or trying to make it at least patrially their fault.
I am fairly confident that sooner or later, your husband will learn that this guy raped you and then it is going to be so much worse than it is right now. I think he is going to go to work with a lot of other people knowing you were raped, but he won't know.
Of all that you fear, this is a far worse scenario.
Rape does not just "happen". A man commits the act of rape. A man decides to rape a woman, and then does it. We see it in news reports: "A woman was raped while walking in the park." Such passive language! "A woman was raped by a man while walking in the park is far more accurate."
But I think that this passive language is part of why we sometimes end up blameing women and making it their fault, or trying to make it at least patrially their fault.
I am fairly confident that sooner or later, your husband will learn that this guy raped you and then it is going to be so much worse than it is right now. I think he is going to go to work with a lot of other people knowing you were raped, but he won't know.
Of all that you fear, this is a far worse scenario.
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