Lust..

[shep83]

In my introduction, I said that sometimes I feel my actions better serve the devil than the Lord, I would like to explain a little further if I may..
I'm a married man but I'm constantly lusting after other women..I understand its only human nature to want what you can't have.. and whilst I've never cheated I have been tempted on a number of occasions.. I prey to the Lord Dailey for the stretch to fight these temptations.. but its not easy for me.

 

[dhh712]

In my introduction, I said that sometimes I feel my actions better serve the devil than the Lord, I would like to explain a little further if I may..
I'm a married man but I'm constantly lusting after other women..I understand its only human nature to want what you can't have.. and whilst I've never cheated I have been tempted on a number of occasions.. I prey to the Lord Dailey for the stretch to fight these temptations.. but its not easy for me.

I'm sorry. I hope you will continue praying and know that it is not from your efforts but by His strength that you persevere--He knows how to deliver the righteous from temptation. Trust in Him, focus on the cross; I found that in times of struggle, it has helped me to focus on Christ's sacrifice for us.

I hope that you will continue to be strengthened by the Lord in your difficult times. He has said that "My strength is made perfect in weakness, my grace is sufficient for thee". I've always found those words to be a source of comfort. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we could just understand the purpose of these trials for us, but of course we can not--we must trust in Him and His promise to us. He is ever faithful even while we are not.

 

[shep83]

Thank you dhh, I will certainly try..

 

[cerette]

When you see someone you find attracted, look the other way. Avoid situations where you will find yourself tempted.

 

[Harry3142]

shep83-

Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there is also no such thing as a sexual relationship without complications. As long as you confine yourself to having such a relationship with your wife you have automatically accepted these complications. But to have such a relationship with anyone else while you are married, even if it is only a 'one night stand', would be as dangerous to you as walking through a minefield without knowing where they're located. I've witnessed far too many who thought that they could negotiate this, only to have both their marriages and their friendships with those they respected be destroyed.

 

[ALEA40]

Considering I just read this yesterday from A Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren, yesterday: Day 26, Page 205, "many people don't know the difference between physical attraction or sexual arousal, and lust. They are not the same. God made every one of us a sexual being, and that is good. Attraction and arousal are the natural, spontaneous, God-given responses to physical beauty, while lust is a deliberate act of the will. Lust is a choice to commit in your mind what you'd like to do with your body. You can be attracted or even aroused without choosing to sin by lusting. Many people, especially Christian men, feel guilty that their God-given hormones are working. While the automatically notice an attractive woman, they assume it is lust and feel ashamed and condemned. But attraction is not lust until you begin to dwell on it."

I'm really enjoying this book and I hope this passage may be of assistance to you. I highly encourage checking this book out if you are a newer Christian. Blessings!!!

 

[turned around]

Hi Shep,
Sexual temptation is a biggie. The atonement of Christ at the cross is where the Father wants us to draw strengh from. Through Jesus sacrifice sin was condemned. Letting the Holy Spirit teach you about the atonement will change your life. Understanding the cross, and the resurrection of Christ will enable you to enjoy your walk in faith. You will see change where sin is not having dominion over you. I suggest taking time reading over Romans 3-8. One thought about sexual temptation is to FLEE. I say that in kindness.

Grace to you.

 

[Peripatetic]

We all have God-given predispositions that challenge the boundaries.

For some, it's eating:
Desire for food (ie. hunger) is not sinful.
Acting on the desire (ie. eating) is essential for a normal life.
However, eating in unhealthy ways can be a stumbling block to sin.

For some, it is spending:
Desire for products and services is not sinful.
Acting on the interest (ie. purchasing) is essential for a normal life.
However, spending in unhealthy ways can be a stumbling block to sin.

One person may easily regulate his/her eating, but spending is a life-long struggle. The opposite may be true for another person. There are lots of other examples, including what you described. Attraction and desire are a normal and essential part of humanity. Attraction is still there for married people, but some can diffuse it more easily than others - by just looking away or thinking about other things.

Whatever they may be, we aren't accountable for the predispositions or initial desires. We also shouldn't judge others who have different areas of struggle than we do. However, we are responsible for regulating the behaviours. Not in some self-loathing haze of condemnation though! A matter-of-fact, determined mindset is much more effective. Maybe it means giving up a happy hour after work that would be tempting. Or keeping track of how we treat attractive people vs. unattractive. Or removing ourselves from a tempting pattern that has emerged.

I think the "I deserve it" mentality is also a problem in our culture today. I deserve a better relationship than my spouse is giving me. I deserve to get drunk after the week I had. I deserve this car that I can't afford because I work hard. I deserve the promotion, so I'll badmouth my co-worker. Regulating my own weaknesses often starts by considering what others deserve or don't deserve, rather than myself - which is not easy!

 

[asiyreh]

I think Paul gives the best advice on this situation. He said that in a marriage our bodies do not belong to ourselves, but each other. He advises a man a woman should give each other, to one and other willingly, so that we don't find temptation in another. Good advice.

 

[shep83]

Thanks everybody sorry I've been away for a while.. but these are are great comments and I feel I'm marking head way.. I haven't lusted over another woman in s while now.. althogh I do occasionally look still.. I've also cut out watching porn and touching yourself.. as this was becoming something of a daily ritual.. the only problem now is I feel there's is an empty space in my life where touching yourself once filled.. the act had comfort ed me since I wad 11years old and now that I have stopped I feel empty almost like loosing an old friend.. don't know if this makes sense to anyone else.

 

[pfcreed]

Ive been there, right where you are. am still there on some days but im better, way better then I was. try your hardest not to watch porn. if you feel like you just dont have the time to really make love with your wife. maybe make a small movie with her. just for you two. Its a habit and it has sneakey after effects. you might notice after a few weeks you will get more excited physically. more spontanious sexually. Tell your wife if youre comfortable with it. and maybe she can help you by trying to be with you physically when ever you feel you need it. it can be helped and pray and thank god for your wife and send blessings for your wife after you make love. i started reading anything i could find instead of masturbating. and my wife helped me alot. lets just say currently i go though alot of books. but the temptation fades. bless you and good luck and pray.

 

[Emmy]

Dear shep83. Nice to know that you are making headway. Jesus Himself give us good advice. In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself."
Then Jesus tells us: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." Very important, God wants our Love, freely given and No tags attached. What do now? Start treating all you know and all you meet, start treating them as you would love to be treated: always kindly and with friendly words. Love is very catching, and before we realise it, we will be kinder and more loving. We might stumble and forget at times, but then we ask God to forgive us, and carry on Loving and Caring. We will find that people around us will treat us the same as we treat people. We keep asking for Love and Joy, then thank God and share all with our neighbour. ( Matthew 7: 7-10) Life will be more joyful and you will find that you have no time hanging on your hands to do things you don't really want to do.
God is Love, and God wants us to become more loving and caring, plus the occasional helping hand. We will become living sign-posts to God our Heavenly Father. Jesus our Saviour will help and guide us: JESUS IS THE WAY. The Bible tells us to " Repent," and also to " Be Born Again," which will become our second nature. Instead of always wanting our own ways, selfish
and non-caring, we will become as God wants us to be: " Loving God with all our beings, and loving and caring for all around us, AS WE LOVE TO BE TREATED. Life will become joyful and never boring. I say this with love, shep.
Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.