lunch lady

[thief.on.the.right]

Most of us hate being misquoted. But it happens. We say something, then someone misinterprets it and thinks we said something else.
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There’s no telling how many people throughout history were misquoted. How do we know that when Paul Revere took his famous midnight ride and said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!” that he wasn’t really yelling, “Who ordered the Dominos? Who ordered the Dominos?” And could it be that when Julius Caesar said, “Et tu, Brute?” after his close friend Marcus Brutus stabbed him, what he actually said was, “You really need to cut those fingernails, Marcus, before patting someone on the back like that.”
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When John Paul Jones replied to a demand to surrender his sinking ship by saying “I have not yet begun to fight!,” maybe what he really said was, “I have not yet found my life jacket.”
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And what about Bernard of Chartres who said in 1126, “we stand like dwarfs on the shoulders of giants.” Maybe he wasn’t really praising the efforts of those who had gone before him. Maybe all he was saying was, “These seats are lousy! How can I see the game unless I stand on the shoulders of the guy in front of me!”
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The first person who said “Never look a gift horse in the mouth” might not have said those exact words either. Maybe what they said was, “Your mouth smells like a horse,” but recipient of the critique changed it for history.
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And what about misquotes in literature? Perhaps Juliet never said, “O Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” Maybe she said, “O Romeo, O Romeo, you’re late again! You always keep me waiting! Why do I go out with you anyway?!”
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Maybe Mother Goose never said, “Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey.” Maybe she said, “Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet and never lifted a finger to help me clean all day! Lord, make a spider come sit down beside her, so she’ll get up and help me, I pray!”
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The only way we can protect ourselves from being misquoted is to clarify our quotes as often as possible. That’s why I am now providing a few of my original sayings. Should anyone misquote me, you’ll be able to provide them with the correct wordage.
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QUOTABLE QUOTES BY THE CAFETERIA LADY
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“I regret that I have only one life to give for my lasagna.”
“It’s always darkest before the smoke alarm goes off.”
“Hope for the best, but prepare for dinner.”
“When the meatloaf explodes, it’s done.”
“The eyes are bigger than the stomach. And so are my dumplings.”
“You can’t have my cake and hide it, too.”
“The only thing we have to fear is my liver casserole.”
“Dinner’s done. Call 911.”
“Rolaids--they’re not just for breakfast anymore.”
“If you can’t stand the smoke, get out of my kitchen.”
“If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, put it back in the oven and cook it a little longer.”
“If the pasta wiggles, don’t eat it.”
“Two heads are better than one. But you’ll need twice the aspirin.”
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So help me to keep the record straight. I can’t do it alone. Chasing down my quotes and having to correct them is turning into a full time job. Like the one that credited me with saying “One rotten apple spoils the barrel.” That’s not what I said. I said, “One rotten apple gives the pie an interesting flavor.” See the difference? See what I’m up against. See why I need your help? And one more thing just for the record.
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I don’t have a sign in my kitchen that says “What goes down must come up.” Where do rumors like that get started anyway?
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[Hugs of Love]

uh huh......I'm a little lost
(what's new)

 

[lladybugg]

ROFL.... I like the duck one....

 

[relientk]

ROFLOL, liked 911............ty for the laughs