Lunatic

[4Everloved]

I am acting like a lunatic today. My daughter's counselor called again from Selah House where she is being treated for eating disorder. She is not going to live with me when she gets out. She is 18 and wants to live with a friend from church, a grown woman about my age. Already, my Hannah was taken from me unfairly from the youth director at church and now this.

Through this whole thing, my angry, Vietnam Vet husband has come through smelling like a rose. Everyone thinks he is so nice.

And I'm looking like the idiot.

I have never done this before in my life until this afternoon..I screamed and yelled and cursed at God, in my bedroom. Then in the bathroom I started again and I saw myself in the mirror shaking my fists (at the Lord) and I looked like a crazy idiot.

I can't lose another child!!! I just can't! My oldest was taken illegally across 3 statelines by his father, and because he put him with his folks (grandparents), he got away with it even though we weren't divorced yet.

I just cannot take this anymore. I love Michelle. I loved her friend, Hannah, too, whom has been with us for over a year. I had power of attorney with Hannah because of an unsafe home. She lied about me and made up stories and some people believe them! The Juvenile Judge, however, on Feb. 16, did not believe this and was supportive and kind to me. He knew Hannah was lying. The youth director is the one who took me to court over it. She now tells all the youth "what I said" in court and how mean I am, etc. etc and my husband and young son and I have had to move churches.

I follow God, and what do I get for it? Pain, misunderstanding, slander, and agony. My husband, who barely knows the Lord, never cracks open his bible except on Sundays, and never offers to pray here at home...he has come through smelling like a rose even though he is loud, offensive, rude and sometimes abusive in this home and defintely he has been a negative influence upon Michelle.

I know that bp makes me react worse to stress, but this is just too much stress...for anyone. I do not know what to do. I hope God will forgive me for the things I said to Him. I have never talked to Him like that before.

 

[Solomon's Portico]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Remember 1st John 1:9 God will forgive you all you have to do is confess. That youth pastor should not be gossiping about you. Let her know this and if she continues bring a friend and tell her then the church elders. You shouldn't have to change church's because of her sin. As far as things being unfair, I don't know how to address that but to pray. This just my opinion I hope it helps

 

[4Everloved]

She may lose her job over it. It's a precarious situation. She believed everything Hannah said, and Hannah is not telling the truth.

Well, at least I'm learning about how to respond to attacks. There's always something to learn in all trials.

Thank you so much for your compassion. It means a lot to me. Just to have someone understand.

 

[4Everloved]

Tonight...at church...a woman I do not know from the praise team (we are new at this church, came to me near the end of the service and began speaking over me and telling me about my purpose and how God is doing what He said, the ministry He promised me is coming to be and that someone was coming alongside me very soon

(the shelter here in Milan on Liberty Street that God promised me over 4 years ago

So today was the devil, and I've been in a test, and I am so filled with joy and the Holy Spirit that everyone is smiling at me.

And I'm NOT A LUNATIC! I'm crazy for JESUS and serving Him. We have an enemy folks, but HE THAT IS IN YOU IS GREATER THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD.

And, no, I'm not manic..I'm filled with His Spirit.

 

[Jesusisgood]

Praying for you, im here for you too. Your right, that there is something to learn through every trial and the Lord will guide you through with His mighty hand if you trust Him. Im so sorry to hear about that, but I know God really loves you and wont leave you in this mess alone. He will pull you out soon, just keep praying and believing, ((hugs))

 

[Alive again]

Hugs and prayers dear Jan. You are in deed a beloved precious dtr of the King!!!

 

[jsrdrnr]

I am praying for you. It is okay that you expressed your feelings to God. He already knows what you are feeling and wants you to tell him. he will forgive you did sin in your anger. I hope things work out for you. Keep us updated.