Loving the unlovable

[memoriesbymichelle]

Can you love the unlovable?

For me, that involves loving some family members that are just down right mean for no reason!

Yesterday I messaged my older step daughter on FB regarding her Uncle that had Quadruple bypass surgery. She totally ignores my message, and then goes on to re-post a quote I posted from John Eldredge's Wild at Heart book as her own, with no credit given to the author! And she posted a picture that I posted too but not sharing it so it would show that I had posted it first. Grrrr it just got under my skin a little.

The backstory on her is a couple of years ago, her and her family were in CA and wanted to move to AZ. So I let her and her family move in with me and my boys for 4 months in a 1394 sq ft home. It was kind of crowded but I am always willing to help people out. My youngest son sacrificed the most because he had to share his room with my 2 grandkids. Anyway shortly after they moved out, she left her husband and the kids to be with a guy from work. She is no longer with that guy, and ended up marrying another guy (from her new work) and has a baby with him also. He (the new hubby) already has 3 girls from a previous relationship and she has 2. So whenever she left her husband, she never called me to tell me and basically never talked to me after that??? So NOW she tells her sister that she will NEVER talk to me again because she thinks I took her husband's side when she left on her adultress affair. I really didn't take sides, but it is a fact that she had an affair before leaving her husband and her husband had the kids (my grandkids) so of course I was in contact with him because of them. So now she basically acts like I don't exist. I have never met her new baby or her new husband and the baby is almost a year old!
I try to just hang back and not say too much, but some days it does get to me, and regardless I still love her!
Do you have anyone like this in your life?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

So God brought this song to my mind!

Tenth Avenue North - Losing (NEW RADIO version with LYRICS!) - YouTube

 

[Lone Wolfe]

I have a younger brother whom I disowned many years ago because of his evil ways that he refuses to change and I will not be a part in that? I have prayed about it several times and I have yet to be forgiving of him for his ways and the fact that he continues his flight in that manner. My older brother had to take him into court because of some $6K he owed to my older brother and now they don't talk anymore as well.

This person (because I refuse to call him a man, as a man would not do the things he does) has used & abused everyone he has ever had contact with and has stolen from every employer he has ever worked for? He has continually abused his wife for 20+ years and all four of his children will have nothing to do with him since they became of age and moved out of the house. He has not one friend that I am aware of and that's not by his choice, that's by theirs because they are tired of being used by him.

His wife has, and has always had a very strong faith and comes from a very strong Christian raising and she has refused to leave him over the years because of that faith. I have tried explaining to her over the years that there are reasons for divorce in the Bible and no one needs to go thru that kind of living Hell when it's not healthy for them or anyone around them? I know God says we are to forgive and move on but, sometimes to forgive is a very hard road to travel and it will have to come in time from the Lord, because I am not able to do so on my own!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree about it being hard, but Christ forgave us while we were yet sinners, so how can I not try to forgive. That does not mean you have to have them in your life or let them abuse you, but you do have to come to a place where you can forgive them and hope that God has mercy on them as well. Not because they deserve it, cuz they don't, but then again, neither do we, right? We can forgive and not forget too. The bible says that God "remembers our sins no more" it does not say that He forgets them like in "Oh yeah, I forgot you did that!" but more that He chooses not to remember.
I love my step daughter even though she is mostly fake and unlovable, but I am human and some days (like today) satan uses her very well. Would have just been nice if she would have said "oh wow" or something to the fact that her Uncle just had major major surgery, but of course the universe, or rather her universe only revolves around her and her problems.

 

[Lone Wolfe]

I agree about it being hard, but Christ forgave us while we were yet sinners, so how can I not try to forgive. That does not mean you have to have them in your life or let them abuse you, but you do have to come to a place where you can forgive them and hope that God has mercy on them as well. Not because they deserve it, cuz they don't, but then again, neither do we, right? We can forgive and not forget too. The bible says that God "remembers our sins no more" it does not say that He forgets them like in "Oh yeah, I forgot you did that!" but more that He chooses not to remember.
I love my step daughter even though she is mostly fake and unlovable, but I am human and some days (like today) satan uses her very well. Would have just been nice if she would have said "oh wow" or something to the fact that her Uncle just had major major surgery, but of course the universe, or rather her universe only revolves around her and her problems.

That's very sad to hear. I guess all we can do is pray for them and hope God will open their hearts & minds to His way so perhaps one day all things will be well between you both?

In my case with my brother? If he had changed his ways then I would have been able to forgive however, when he continues the flight that he has chosen, I have removed him from my life and as of yet have not been able to forgive him for all the pain he has caused so many people that I truly love & care about??? This is one of many reasons why I have chosen to re-dedicate my life to the Lord because, I need to move on with such things in my life and get past them so I can be a better person?

That's my story & I'm stickin' to it! LOL

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

well all I can tell you is that until you can come to the place where you forgive them, not because they deserve it, it's more for YOU than them, it will affect you and your life. When I was a teenager my parents divorced. I was kind of forced/persuaded to go live with my dad and his new wife. After a time there, which didn't really go that well, I wanted to go live with my mom. My dad disowned me! In other words, he told me he never wanted to see me again! Wow!? Really? Just cuz I wanted to go live with my mom? But see, he was an alcoholic and to HIM, he didn't want me bouncing back and forth, but disown?? really? Anyway I let it affect me for 15 years! Actually when I got married, I didn't want him to tell me years later that he would have paid for my wedding so I wrote to him and asked him IF he wanted to come and IF he wanted to contribute to my wedding. He wrote me back a "how dare you" letter which I still have today. BUT years later (when I FINALLY realized it was affecting me) I chose to forgive him. I wrote him another letter and told him that if he did not want to be my dad, that was his choice, but he could not change the fact that he was my father and that I choose to forgive him. He got drunk and called me lol. Anyway I released it! And today we have a cordial relationship. I don't think we can ever be close unless my step mom passes first, but I accept it and him for who he is. Was he right in what he did? NO! But it was only affecting ME! He was off living his life (as is your brother probably) without a care about it affecting me. And that is the thing about forgiveness and why God wants us to forgive so desparately. Is because it affects US! So keep praying and God will change your heart. Of THAT I am confident!

 

[Lone Wolfe]

I have forgiven a lot of folks for a lot of things but, for some reason I can't do that with my kid brother? Perhaps it's because I know we were not raised that way and he has no excuse for it? The entire family can't believe that he is what he is today and the things he has done over the years to the family???

The funny thing about the entire situation is, we hear folks telling us now & then that he goes around telling everyone how he has written us all off in his life, when the truth of the matter is the exact opposite and we have written him off?

 

[blackribbon]

Long story. My SIL. Part has to do with something her son did and lied about ... and they are still defending him. Stupid, because I don't care. Their son has done much worse but I'm not going to be the one to bring it up if they still refuse to believe me over the first little issue. (I could have him put in jail.) However, the last time we "talked", involved her screaming at me because I don't call enough. I guess I haven't been a big enough support system for them after my husband (her husband's brother) died. As weird as it sounds, that is exactly what the problem is. I didn't do enough for them...despite the fact, I was just trying not to die myself.

I think I have forgiven her but I don't believe I need to be around people who act so horribly to me. We did see them at a big family party when we were in Texas. Neither even acknowledged my existance even though I smiled and tried to start a friendly conversation.

I do think we need to look deep and not be deciding who is "lovable" based on our hurt feelings or our anger. My SIL is selfish and self-focused but not "evil". I hope she has good life but I don't have to be part of it.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yep I totally agree with you Blackribbon. Some people are just SO about themselves. I talked to my other step daughter today about her sister and right after that she just starts going on her rant about her life and her this and her that blah blah blah....she just wanted to talk about HERSELF! And she's whining cuz her soon to be ex won't give her her clothes and I told her to just go over there with someone and get them and she just starts ranting about he won't let me blah blah blah, and I'm like well if you want your dang clothes than take someone with you and go get them! and suddenly she had to get off the phone LOL UGH!
I agree about not deciding who is loveable or not because some days I am not loveable so I get that.

 

[Lone Wolfe]

I'm always loveable! I think?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm always loveable! I think?

So far anyway.....

 

[Lone Wolfe]

So far anyway.....

LOL. You're so cute! Thanks for making me smile today!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

LOL. You're so cute! Thanks for making me smile today!

That's my job and I think I am quite good at it! LOL