Loving advice required...

Hey,

I am 20 and am in a long term relationship. I'm sure many people won't agree with this but I am sleeping with my boyfriend. The issue is is that is is not a fling, or just sex, but this is a man that I am completely in love with and who I have been with for a year and a half. It doesn't feel wrong, it feels right and natural. Everyone's threads that I have read indicate that having sex was a mistake that they regret but the thing I struggle with is that because of the nature of my relationship, it's not like that.

I am a fairly new Christian and did not realise that it would be frowned upon until a recent Bible Study. Now I am scared. I know that people will frown on my behaviour, but I am not asking for Bible verses to be endlessly quoted at me, just some loving advice and prayer that I can deal with this in the right way.

I would like to stress that this is a loving and committed relationship.

Prayers appreciated.
x

So if something *feels* right, it is right? That's an easily abusable standard.

When in the relationship did you start sleeping together?

Have you talked about marriage as a real possibility in the near future (near being within the next year or two)?

I guess I don't know what to say unless I have a bit more info.

Have you studied scriptures to learn what God's Word says about fornication? 1 Corinthians 6 has a great message for you. I understand that you are in a loving, committed relationship. However, God's Word is clear.
1 Corinthians 6

" The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."[b] 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

My challenge to you is to really pray and seek the Lord for this situation. His Word is clear. Fornication is sex outside marriage. God designed sex to be between a husband and a wife.

I speak from having sinned in this way, so I am not judging you, but encouraging you to bring yourself to a place of obedience with your body.

Hugs,
Trish

thatgirl123 said:

I am a fairly new Christian and did not realise that it would be frowned upon until a recent Bible Study. Now I am scared. I know that people will frown on my behaviour, but I am not asking for Bible verses to be endlessly quoted at me, just some loving advice and prayer that I can deal with this in the right way.

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I wouldn't worry about whether others frown about your activity, or what they think. I'd search for what God says. Have you considered cooling things off until you are married, in God's eyes? God does want us to repent from our sins.

You're in my prayers.

Sometimes the hardest decision is to say "no".

The point here that people are trying to make is that what might have been acceptable actions in the past is no longer acceptable with your committment to Christ. When you give your life to God, you make a decision to follow someone other than yourself. With this decision comes responcibility to make the proper changes in your life. Without change, how can you truly call yourself saved? Giving your life to Christ is submitting and sacrificing yourself, your life, your actions, and everything else. In essence, it's becoming a slave to God.

With sex, it's a very hard thing to go back on. I like to use the example of Adam and Eve and how when they bit into the apple, a world of knowledge was opened up to them, almost like a barrier was suddenly ripped away. Sex is the same thing, the first time it happens, a whole new world opens up to you. The bad thing is it's so addictive that people have a hard time and really don't want to stop. But always keep in mind that sex is a gift from God to be given to two people who are married.

You need to make a decision in your life. Are you going to live for yourself, or are you going to live for God? It's not an easy decision to make, but you need to make the right one if you truly want a meaningful relationship with God. Even harder yet will be telling your boyfriend that you can no longer do what you've been doing. Two things can happen here, he can either respect the decision, or he won't, but if he doesn't, he can't truly and honestly say that he loves you unconditionally.

Just some things to think about.

Good luck.

CJ

but where does it actually state that sex before marriage is one of the sexual sins?adultery is talked about but not that? cant find it.i dont know im new to all this please help x

I believe in the bible that sex outside of marriage is called fornication. The dictionary defines it as sex between two unmarried people. It's easy to be deceived about this since it is almost always occuring when people fall in love in the movies/TV shows. A friend of mine years ago once said there comes a time in a relationship when sex is right. The bible has a different view. It says we should wait until we get married.

Jan

I like what this site has to say about it.

http://www.dtl.org/ethics/article/pre-marital/always-sin.htm

It's a long read, but in my opinion, worth it.

I see sex as a responsibility, for it has the potential to create children and also very strong emotional attachments. I believe God intended these things to occur in the covenant of marriage.
I'm not all awake yet so this hasn't been explained well.

In your case, since it is a loving and committed long-term relationship. Your sleeping or sexual intercourse with your boy-friend would not be considered as a sin. This is not going to come under the sin of fornication because a long-term relationship is a serious relationship almost as serious as a marital relationship. I can understand you and assure you to be cool. Even Adam and Eve did not have any formal marriage but were more like live-in couples till the end. In their hearts, they agreed to be as husband and wife and God appreciated that and was the Priest. When two hearts are joined then God's approval and blessings are there with them. The concept and practice of formal engagements and marriages in the presence of a Priest, the ring exchanges and exchange of marital-vows all came later on. These are all human made traditions and are not mandatory for all cases.

I have read the complete Bible and been an avid reader of Christian Books for a decade. Most religious-minded christians are bound to thump the cold words of the Bible on you in order to make you feel guilty and repent. Be thick-skinned towards them for either they do not know what a long-term relationship means or they themselves might be unmarried.

This is my honest personal opinion. Lord bless you.

With regards to your problem bout fornication, I too am having the same problem. I am now 26 years old, and I've been making love with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. When i started to go back to Church, I also realise that sex before marriage is a sin. Which I am now struggling because am also still considered young in Christ because i just started to attend Church last 2 months. I also feel right and natural (making love) with my boyfriend because we love each other.

But from my point of view, what is done has already done. I do not want to feel guilty. The more guilty you are, the more pressure you have. The more pressure you have, you'll get more stressed up, because of all the sins we have, not only sexual immoral. Because i feared to do everything, I even fear of even kissing my boyfriend at that time because I fear God dont like it.

God is holy. We are sinners. That is why Jesus died for our sins. It is really not right for us to have sex before marriage. But since we have already go to that point, we have to slowly let go, not totally, but slowly time will heal. Take me for an example, because I was so sad over everything from what i've done in the past (after reading bible), i get so anxious! and i got into situational depression because i fear everything i do, every step i do, am so concious because i fear i'll go to hell. But i know i just cant keep on becoming like that, because we are still young in Christ, we slowly climb up, and slowly learn to have the will power and faith. God wants to see us happy and God wants us to learn.

My dear, i dont want you to become like me, because am on medication now, and guess what?? Am taking anti-anxiety/stress pills.

Just pray and hope that day by day, we will grow with will power to handle all situations. (Which am doing now. Although i cant stop having sex with my boyfriend, but we are doing very less) But anyway i want to wait and hope my boyfriend will marry me. Its just a matter of time.

P/s: Next time, dont sleep with your bf, because we wont know who we are gonna married in the future.

Pray for me too. God bless you...

Regards..

thatgirl123 said:

Hey,

I am 20 and am in a long term relationship. I'm sure many people won't agree with this but I am sleeping with my boyfriend. The issue is is that is is not a fling, or just sex, but this is a man that I am completely in love with and who I have been with for a year and a half. It doesn't feel wrong, it feels right and natural. Everyone's threads that I have read indicate that having sex was a mistake that they regret but the thing I struggle with is that because of the nature of my relationship, it's not like that.

I am a fairly new Christian and did not realise that it would be frowned upon until a recent Bible Study. Now I am scared. I know that people will frown on my behaviour, but I am not asking for Bible verses to be endlessly quoted at me, just some loving advice and prayer that I can deal with this in the right way.

I would like to stress that this is a loving and committed relationship.

Prayers appreciated.
x

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I would suggest maybe going to confession. Have you guys talked about marriage? Does the relationship have a future? I am involved as well and living with a guy and we've discussed marriage and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. He's been looking for the right engagement ring. I gave him my grand mother's ring that I've been wearing so I wont know when he actually goes to get it. I want to be suprised.
(I went to confession)You will feel better after it, though it's difficult to admit to some things