ok to get a better understanding of this situatin. you can read my old posts titled tension in relationship. WEll she is upset about the way i handled the car accident i was in 3 weeks ago. and also how i handled the insurance ordeal. she also says i lied to her. let me explain.
1) when i told her how my car accdient happened. i just described how it happened. (i had 3 friends in the car and one of them grabbed the wheel causing me to crash). she says i lied cause i didnt tell her that i didnt tell the first cop what happened. basically, i witheld info from her and handled it the wrong way.
2)i was having an issue with my insurance due dates. whether it was due on july 17th or 26th (grace period)she asked when did it expire. i told her the 7th, but i was under the grace period. she says i lied cause i wasnt gonna tell her that. she said that my insurance should have been paid
3) I just got a new car. and she didnt want me to rush to get something i would regret. anyways, she says i lied to her cause i didnt mention to her that i needed a co signer. I feel that was none of her business.
so let me sum this up in a few sentences.
1. she says that if im not gonna tell her the full story, dont mention it to her at all.
2. she says that these are life situations that she cant ignore and that these life situations show my true character.
3. she says that the man for her listens to what she has to say and takes her advice when u know its right. she says that she cant give advice if im giving her half ***** info. but sometimes when i talk to you, im not asking for advice. i just want her to listen.
4. she says that if u ever wanna think about marrying me, she is gonna look at how i handle my affairs.
5. also the man for her is upfront and honest with her with EVERYTHING
6. that she could have fallen in love with me. but she held back because she wanted to see how i act when certain situations arise (isnt falling in love supposed to be natural, not based on tests)
anyways, here are some details of the last letter she wrote me.
Anyway, I hear what youre saying about certain matters being private like the cosigner thing. But remember when we went to church and pastor was talking about how you should know about a persons habits and financial history before you consider marrying them? You gave me a window into seeing some of that about you. As Ive said many times, if theres something you dont want me to know dont talk about it around me. I guess I feel that if you felt I was really the woman for you, you wouldve wanted to be open and honest w/ me from the start. I have a right to be choosy about who I want to spend my time with. Definitely should be choosy about who I may consider as a marriage partner. You know Im not dating just to be dating. So yes, I am looking at how you handle your business, at least as much as youll let me see. And also your character. What Im about to say has nothing to do w/ you but I am an asset. Not being conceited but I bring A LOT to the table. Its my right to be w/ someone who matches up w/ the things I bring, if not provide better. No, Im not talking about money. Im talking about character, responsibility, the way a person treats me, etc. Furthermore, I am ALWAYS going to look out for myself and protect myself. Not saying that youre a specific threat but like Im feeling now, you could be telling me ANYTHING you want to. Doesnt necessarily mean that its true. Until I feel that I can implicitly trust someone, I will continue to protect myself and the things I have. And theres absolutely nothing wrong w/ that. It comes w/ time. Moving on, Im not acting like youre not a good person and I never said that. I think that I am just questioning if youre the right person for me. Which is why Ive decided to take a step back from our relationship. As I said, we will see each other when we can and go from there. Now if you have a problem w/ that and you want to walk away I understand. You should know Im not after anything. If it was all about money and material things, I know guys who could provide those things for me. I kicked it w/ you b/c we had fun and I felt I could trust you. Im sure we could still have fun but I explained to you that the trust factor will take some time. In the meantime, if I meet someone I like, I will hang out w/ them. I just want to be clear about that so there are no false expectations or pretenses.
Youre saying that maybe you wont want to open up until we have a commitment. Im not cool w/ that. Part of how Im going to feel if I want to commit to anyone is from the type of relationship we have up until that point. Feeling that we can truly trust each other and open up to each other is highly important to me. So maybe we are not compatible in that way.
Now I know what your credit situation is like. I know what its like to be in that position and it takes some years to clear that up. I already explained that I refuse to marry someone w/ bad credit b/c Ive worked too hard to clean up mine. When you marry someone, you inherit their credit, their debts. Its not to say that you cant change your situation, Im sure you could. But I dont know if I want to wait 4 or 5 more years to find out. I feel like this: God has a way of making things happen. And if God wants us to be together He will make that happen. I have never said that Im opposed to that. I am only open to what God wants for me. Frankly Dustin, Ive looked past a lot of things about you in order for us to keep getting to know each other. Sometimes there just comes a breaking point when youre not willing to go any further. Im not saying Im unwilling to go further but I want to slow things down between us. I know its not what you want to hear but at least Im being honest and telling you how I really feel.
If youre open to changing certain things then prove it. Time will tell the story. I thank you for taking time to write me and I appreciate your words. As for the crab feast, Im still open to go if you want to take me. If not, I understand. Just let me know.
now let me say this
1. how does 3 weeks out of 4 months show my true character??
2. im angry because 2 weeks ago things were perfect ,now she has done this 180 on me.
3. the reason my credit isnt that great was because last year was the first time i had a copy of a credit report. all my cars were paid for. and with living situations, either i had moved in with a roomate who was already there and i just rented out a place from a friend, was in school, . or just lived with family. this was all since turning 21. never had a credit card either. so mainly its student loans. but im working on that as we speak.
4. it hurts me because i was able to look past her flaws. she has an std. (not aids or hiv). but i was willing to look past that. i mean if you wanna talk about my character, how about you having unprotected sex and catching an std. but see, im not gonna go there.
5. it also hurts cause you would think that with her situation, she would be a little bit more humble. she said she still has some insecurities about herself. i mean she also had bad credit in the past. its kind of like a person that used to be overweight. but now she lost the weight and makes fun of all the fat people. that is the best example i can give.
now this has all happened since last week. how can things change in one week? things were great between us. now its like she is finding out that im human. and that i dont have all the husband qualities. but let me ask u this. would u rather have a husband or a soulmate? i really do care about this girl and want to work things out. but its like she wants me to have all these husband qualities now. i dont even know what else to say. just give your opinions here everyone!
1) when i told her how my car accdient happened. i just described how it happened. (i had 3 friends in the car and one of them grabbed the wheel causing me to crash). she says i lied cause i didnt tell her that i didnt tell the first cop what happened. basically, i witheld info from her and handled it the wrong way.
2)i was having an issue with my insurance due dates. whether it was due on july 17th or 26th (grace period)she asked when did it expire. i told her the 7th, but i was under the grace period. she says i lied cause i wasnt gonna tell her that. she said that my insurance should have been paid
3) I just got a new car. and she didnt want me to rush to get something i would regret. anyways, she says i lied to her cause i didnt mention to her that i needed a co signer. I feel that was none of her business.
so let me sum this up in a few sentences.
1. she says that if im not gonna tell her the full story, dont mention it to her at all.
2. she says that these are life situations that she cant ignore and that these life situations show my true character.
3. she says that the man for her listens to what she has to say and takes her advice when u know its right. she says that she cant give advice if im giving her half ***** info. but sometimes when i talk to you, im not asking for advice. i just want her to listen.
4. she says that if u ever wanna think about marrying me, she is gonna look at how i handle my affairs.
5. also the man for her is upfront and honest with her with EVERYTHING
6. that she could have fallen in love with me. but she held back because she wanted to see how i act when certain situations arise (isnt falling in love supposed to be natural, not based on tests)
anyways, here are some details of the last letter she wrote me.
Anyway, I hear what youre saying about certain matters being private like the cosigner thing. But remember when we went to church and pastor was talking about how you should know about a persons habits and financial history before you consider marrying them? You gave me a window into seeing some of that about you. As Ive said many times, if theres something you dont want me to know dont talk about it around me. I guess I feel that if you felt I was really the woman for you, you wouldve wanted to be open and honest w/ me from the start. I have a right to be choosy about who I want to spend my time with. Definitely should be choosy about who I may consider as a marriage partner. You know Im not dating just to be dating. So yes, I am looking at how you handle your business, at least as much as youll let me see. And also your character. What Im about to say has nothing to do w/ you but I am an asset. Not being conceited but I bring A LOT to the table. Its my right to be w/ someone who matches up w/ the things I bring, if not provide better. No, Im not talking about money. Im talking about character, responsibility, the way a person treats me, etc. Furthermore, I am ALWAYS going to look out for myself and protect myself. Not saying that youre a specific threat but like Im feeling now, you could be telling me ANYTHING you want to. Doesnt necessarily mean that its true. Until I feel that I can implicitly trust someone, I will continue to protect myself and the things I have. And theres absolutely nothing wrong w/ that. It comes w/ time. Moving on, Im not acting like youre not a good person and I never said that. I think that I am just questioning if youre the right person for me. Which is why Ive decided to take a step back from our relationship. As I said, we will see each other when we can and go from there. Now if you have a problem w/ that and you want to walk away I understand. You should know Im not after anything. If it was all about money and material things, I know guys who could provide those things for me. I kicked it w/ you b/c we had fun and I felt I could trust you. Im sure we could still have fun but I explained to you that the trust factor will take some time. In the meantime, if I meet someone I like, I will hang out w/ them. I just want to be clear about that so there are no false expectations or pretenses.
Youre saying that maybe you wont want to open up until we have a commitment. Im not cool w/ that. Part of how Im going to feel if I want to commit to anyone is from the type of relationship we have up until that point. Feeling that we can truly trust each other and open up to each other is highly important to me. So maybe we are not compatible in that way.
Now I know what your credit situation is like. I know what its like to be in that position and it takes some years to clear that up. I already explained that I refuse to marry someone w/ bad credit b/c Ive worked too hard to clean up mine. When you marry someone, you inherit their credit, their debts. Its not to say that you cant change your situation, Im sure you could. But I dont know if I want to wait 4 or 5 more years to find out. I feel like this: God has a way of making things happen. And if God wants us to be together He will make that happen. I have never said that Im opposed to that. I am only open to what God wants for me. Frankly Dustin, Ive looked past a lot of things about you in order for us to keep getting to know each other. Sometimes there just comes a breaking point when youre not willing to go any further. Im not saying Im unwilling to go further but I want to slow things down between us. I know its not what you want to hear but at least Im being honest and telling you how I really feel.
If youre open to changing certain things then prove it. Time will tell the story. I thank you for taking time to write me and I appreciate your words. As for the crab feast, Im still open to go if you want to take me. If not, I understand. Just let me know.
now let me say this
1. how does 3 weeks out of 4 months show my true character??
2. im angry because 2 weeks ago things were perfect ,now she has done this 180 on me.
3. the reason my credit isnt that great was because last year was the first time i had a copy of a credit report. all my cars were paid for. and with living situations, either i had moved in with a roomate who was already there and i just rented out a place from a friend, was in school, . or just lived with family. this was all since turning 21. never had a credit card either. so mainly its student loans. but im working on that as we speak.
4. it hurts me because i was able to look past her flaws. she has an std. (not aids or hiv). but i was willing to look past that. i mean if you wanna talk about my character, how about you having unprotected sex and catching an std. but see, im not gonna go there.
5. it also hurts cause you would think that with her situation, she would be a little bit more humble. she said she still has some insecurities about herself. i mean she also had bad credit in the past. its kind of like a person that used to be overweight. but now she lost the weight and makes fun of all the fat people. that is the best example i can give.
now this has all happened since last week. how can things change in one week? things were great between us. now its like she is finding out that im human. and that i dont have all the husband qualities. but let me ask u this. would u rather have a husband or a soulmate? i really do care about this girl and want to work things out. but its like she wants me to have all these husband qualities now. i dont even know what else to say. just give your opinions here everyone!
