Reeann, at some point in time, those of us that are saved, "feel" a tugging at our heartstrings. We know this tugging is The Holy Spirit at work, perhaps confirming something we have just heard, or warning us about something, or alerting us to what is about to be said or something we will see. Either way it is The Holy Spirit speaking to us.
It is at that point that we reject this calling and put it off for another day, or we accept that call and we make a conscious decision to accept Jeus Christ, as our personal Saviour.
I do not know what has happened in your life. I don't know if you have made this deciscion or not. But it is obvious God is dealing with you in some way now. Only you know for sure. Is He "drawing" you and/or confirming something to you?
But you speak of "going through the motions again" indicating something has happened at some time in the past. Did you accept Jesus as your personal Saviour? Do you know for sure you were saved?
Listen it is very possible for a born again Christian to grow cold and move away from the Peace and lose the Joy of their Salvation. David was a good example of how "other" things call us from our position. If that is the case with you then I urge you to do what David did in the 51st Psalm. Please read that. It is an awesome prayer of repentence and asking God to "restore" the joy of His salvation. In fact, I will post the first 17 verses here for you.
1 ¶ <<To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.>> Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. {conceive
: Heb. warm me}
6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 ¶ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. {right: or, constant}
11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14 ¶ Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. {bloodguiltiness: Heb. bloods}
15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. {else
: or, that I should}
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
If, on the other hand, you have never made that decision, but did as you say simply "go through the motions" without being called, then I urge you to accept Him now, where you are. It is no big complicated difficult thing to do. You can say to God what flows from your heart. There is no "magic prayer". Just tell Jesus you are sorry for your sins and ask Him to forgive all your sins and to save you and come into your heart and be Lord of your life, and then thank Him for doing it. If you do that from your heart in all sincerity, He will keep His promise and do just that.
It isn't based on feelings. It is based on the factual Word of God. If you need help in anyway or do not understand one thing or another PM me in private and I will do anything I can to explain it to you.
God bless you little one and grant you Salvation, Peace and Joy! My humble, sincere prayers are with you.
