Lost my desires

[Teresa W.]

Ever since I was eight and learned to crochet, I've always had a desire to learn most anything related to arts and crafts. I've spent most of my life trying to hone my creativity. Trying to figure out which art or craft was for me.

I've taken so many classes, bought so many tools and supplies and never seemed to get very far with anything. I'd get really 'into' something for a while, even yrs. at times, then lose interest and start to learn something new. Finally, I decided to go back to college to take art classes and get some advice from my teachers. I got my Bachelors degree in 2022 at age 55. It felt good to finally graduate, but I also didn't feel any closer to figuring things out.

Finally about 3-4 months ago, something switched inside me and I lost all my desire for art. It wasn't instantaneous, more like over 4-6 weeks. I became less and less interested in working on any of my projects. Now, my art is dead to me. My desire turned to apathy, then disgust.

My feelings toward art now are anger and betrayal. Our house is so filled with arts and crafts supplies/equipment that we can't have people over. I want to declutter, but I don't know what to do with all this stuff. It's become so over whelming.

My therapist isn't convince I'm completely through with art. He thinks maybe my desire will come back. But if it doesn't, and because art has been part of my identity for most of my life, then I'll have to go through a grieving process to let it go.

Feeling pretty lost right now, though I know God's got me. It just feels like if art wasn't ultimately for me, then I've wasted decades of my life on it. I'm looking for a job, but I've got no skills other than art.

Thanks for reading all of this. Let me know if you've been through something similar.

 

[oikonomia]

Ever since I was eight and learned to crochet, I've always had a desire to learn most anything related to arts and crafts. I've spent most of my life trying to hone my creativity. Trying to figure out which art or craft was for me.

I've taken so many classes, bought so many tools and supplies and never seemed to get very far with anything. I'd get really 'into' something for a while, even yrs. at times, then lose interest and start to learn something new. Finally, I decided to go back to college to take art classes and get some advice from my teachers. I got my Bachelors degree in 2022 at age 55. It felt good to finally graduate, but I also didn't feel any closer to figuring things out.

Finally about 3-4 months ago, something switched inside me and I lost all my desire for art. It wasn't instantaneous, more like over 4-6 weeks. I became less and less interested in working on any of my projects. Now, my art is dead to me. My desire turned to apathy, then disgust.

My feelings toward art now are anger and betrayal. Our house is so filled with arts and crafts supplies/equipment that we can't have people over. I want to declutter, but I don't know what to do with all this stuff. It's become so over whelming.

My therapist isn't convince I'm completely through with art. He thinks maybe my desire will come back. But if it doesn't, and because art has been part of my identity for most of my life, then I'll have to go through a grieving process to let it go.

Feeling pretty lost right now, though I know God's got me. It just feels like if art wasn't ultimately for me, then I've wasted decades of my life on it. I'm looking for a job, but I've got no skills other than art.

Thanks for reading all of this. Let me know if you've been through something similar.

I have been through periods of apathy as a creative person.

The greatest art in all the universe is the art of skillfully opening up your life and heart, bit by bit, turning
all of your being to Jesus Christ. No poetry, no sculpture, no music writing or performance, nothing compare to this
fine art.

There is the finest art of allowing Jesus Christ to come in and settle down in every chamber of your personality.
Then you and God together allow Him to produce His masterpiece, His poema, a person conformed to the image of Christ.

For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand in order that we would walk in them. (Eph. 2:10)

But when one is empty and has no real reason to live, though he attain as much as Solomon the inward feeling
inevitably is the same "Vanity of vanities. All is vanity."

For a start you can begin to thank Him that all things you have been through God is
able to engineer for the good of those who love God and respond to the calling of them for His purpose.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Because those whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the Firstborn among many brothers; (Rom. 8:28,29)

Then you should lay hold of His promise that if we seek first His kingdom and His righeousness, He will add all other
necessary things that we need . . . (maybe not all we want. But all we require)

For all these things the Gentiles are anxiously seeking. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matt. 6:32,33)

Do you have children or grand children ?
Do you have neices or nephews who could receive a friendly little helping hand for their similar creative aspirations?

 

[Teresa W.]

I have been through periods of apathy as a creative person.

The greatest art in all the universe is the art of skillfully opening up your life and heart, bit by bit, turning
all of your being to Jesus Christ. No poetry, no sculpture, no music writing or performance, nothing compare to this
fine art.

There is the finest art of allowing Jesus Christ to come in and settle down in every chamber of your personality.
Then you and God together allow Him to produce His masterpiece, His poema, a person conformed to the image of Christ.

For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand in order that we would walk in them. (Eph. 2:10)

But when one is empty and has no real reason to live, though he attain as much as Solomon the inward feeling
inevitably is the same "Vanity of vanities. All is vanity."

For a start you can begin to thank Him that all things you have been through God is
able to engineer for the good of those who love God and respond to the calling of them for His purpose.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Because those whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the Firstborn among many brothers; (Rom. 8:28,29)

Then you should lay hold of His promise that if we seek first His kingdom and His righeousness, He will add all other
necessary things that we need . . . (maybe not all we want. But all we require)

For all these things the Gentiles are anxiously seeking. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matt. 6:32,33)

Do you have children or grand children ?
Do you have neices or nephews who could receive a friendly little helping hand for their similar creative aspirations?

We don't have children. Nieces and nephews are all grown up and moved away.

I'm trying my best to keep in mind the verses you quotes, thanks, much appreciated.

Meanwhile, I'm looking into get my medical coding certification so I can get a job. Maybe once I'm settled into that, my desire for art will come back.

 

[oikonomia]

We don't have children. Nieces and nephews are all grown up and moved away.

I'm trying my best to keep in mind the verses you quotes, thanks, much appreciated.

Meanwhile, I'm looking into get my medical coding certification so I can get a job. Maybe once I'm settled into that, my desire for art will come back.

I studied music composition for two years. I never finished my music degree. (over 70 here)
For practical reasons I had to switch to something more practical - computer science.
But I have always retained my music making as a life long hobby.

But seasons and ups and downs have occured in this love of mine over many years.
I expect coming seasons as well, like winter, spring, summer, and fall.

But two things I was blessed to realize.
Firstly that God fashioned my heart in this way. And He is the ultimate Creator.

From the site of His habitation He gazes / At all the inhabitants of the earth,
He who fashions the hearts of them all, / He who discerns all their works. (Psa. 33:14,15)

So I should really get to know Him. And consecrate all my life to live unto Him.

And I learn Christ is the first love of my life. Nothing can compare with Him.
Nothing can compete with Him. Nothing is as precious as Him in worth, value.
Why He is eternal life. What can exceed the gift of eternal life? Nothing.

And I learned to have no regrets but trust God is able to engineer all things
for the best outcome of His work in me to conform me to Christ's image.

I envy no great musicians and no one.
Everything's the best that it could be for the gaining of Christ.

As Paul exemplied.

But moreover I also count all things to be loss on account of the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, on account of whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as refuse that I may gain Christ (Phil. 3:8)

I like to put Scripture to singable songs for enjoyment of the word of God and memorization.
Visit here for and example of my lattest albums - https://soundcloud.com/jacques-wilmore

 

[Joseph G]

Wow, excellent advice and insight! I'd just like to add a quickie, just from my own experience, which may or may not be applicable to you, Teresa W.

My guitar and keyboard have sat in my living room for years, gathering dust and cobwebs. Kinda mocking me for my loss of passion. Kinda sad, huh? Well, not really! God used the years of bewildering disinterest to bring my primary focus back to knowing Him more fully, and learning to embrace what He says about my identity and why I'm so valuable to Him. Learning how to seriously worship Him in spirit and in truth. That's why I suggest that oikonomia's advice is so spot on.

After two years of devoting my time primarily on fellowshiping with Him, I'm finding that His joy and revelation is what's inspiring me to create again. Ca-ching!

Now here is where our experiences may deviate from each other. It's strictly between you and the Holy Spirit as to how you will express your praise of Him creatively. I'm just relaying the surprising direction that my path took.

One day I had just meandered onto this forum. I mostly read other people's posts for a month or two and only contributing infrequently. Cut to the chase, I now post like a madman here and on several other forms of social media - from sun up to sun down. Why? Because I rediscovered that I absolutely LOVE to write! There's nothing more thrilling to me than facing a blank page and creating something out of nothing. Something that maybe, just maybe, might edify and encourage somebody else. And especially now that God has grown my confidence that if I just pray before formulating every contribution, He is the One who actually provides the words and the editing before I hit that post button.

NOT suggesting that my posts are infallible by any means. He directs me to fix errors when I make them, own up to rebukes when deserved, and even delete posts when upon review I recognize as being carnal in nature, lacking in His grace.

What is really delightful is the realization that I'm surrounded by believers who love to write too. I learn so much from their posts and often find inspiration from their insight and experiences.

Ya know what? Social anxiety can be a blessing in disguise. Your zeal for witnessing just HAS to be channeled somewhere, and you find that social media is a ripe mission field just there for the picking. It's not a passing fad as witnessed by the longevity of this very forum.

I sincerely hope that I'm not appearing to be bragging. This is the first and last time I want to discuss my gifts. I just want to share that I am so blessed to be found useful at all to my Lord and Savior, after so many years of scratching my head trying to understand my purpose in this life, ya know? He keeps His word to us - He DOES direct our paths.

Oh yeah, what about the old passion for music? Well, a couple of realities to face. I'm really not that talented of a performer. My son is the one who has all the musical talent that I longed for. I'm kinda like Solierri to his Mozart in the movie Amadeus. I have been given the extrordinary musical gift to merely recognize the genius in another composer! Most of all he has the gift of a performer. He can play anytime, anywhere in front of any number of people with full confidence. Not his 'ole Dad. Ha! But that's alright. I really just enjoy being a DJ, posting a potent Christian song now and then. I still love music!

So... this novel (wasn't this supposed to be a quickie?) to pass along to you is my confidence that God absolutely will awaken your passion and prayerfully sooner than you expect - I dare say that is His plan all along. After all, He is the one Who chose which gift He wanted you to have, all the way back to when He dreamed you up in His mind! He has done that for all of us - we only have to recognize our gifts in His time. His plan for each of us is brilliant!

God bless!

1 Peter 4:10 NIV

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."

 

[Teresa W.]

Thank you both. We've been doing a Bible study on battling negative thoughts. It's been really good, but I'm still battling.

I feel more confused than ever and sometimes feel like giving up. I want to hear from God so badly. I want to make the right choices. I just don't have much confidence in myself. I feel like I've made such a mess of my life. There go those negative thoughts!

I try so hard, then sometimes I stop, lie down in the quietness and listen for a word from Him. I don't know what else to do right now. I'm really struggling.

 

[Joseph G]

Thank you both. We've been doing a Bible study on battling negative thoughts. It's been really good, but I'm still battling.

Bible study and prayer are the wisest things you can do. I know it gets frustrating when the negative thoughts keep trying to dominate, but be assured that because you are in fellowship with Him that for every step backwards you are taking two steps forward, even though it may not seem like it. Taking thoughts captive is like building up muscles, it takes time and effort to reach success.

It's a battle between the lies we tell ourselves, planted by the Adversary, and God's Truth. If you will dedicate yourself to ingesting his Word in combination with prayer on a daily basis (complimenting your corporate study) you will find that His Word in you will repel more and more of those negative thoughts (or fiery darts) and that they WILL diminish eventually - which will increase your joy as you begin to recognize just how much power His Spirit has in protecting your mind and spirit!

Hard to believe that you will ever experience joy in your journey. Try Him out. Because it is actually His goal for your life.

In addition to finding joy through victory over your thought life, He also reveals how He makes your joy complete, which comes through obeying His commands, which He details for you quite clearly and in detail:

John 15:9-17 NIV

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other."

I feel more confused than ever and sometimes feel like giving up. I want to hear from God so badly.

You may FEEL like giving up, but then you've just demonstrated that you ARE in God's will despite the weariness, through your enduring faith and desire for Him:

Psalm 42:1-3 NIV

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

I want to make the right choices.

Matthew 5:6 NIV

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

See how your desires are lining up with God's desires? Sure-fire evidence that He IS working in you.

I just don't have much confidence in myself.

Jude 1:24-25 NIV

"To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."

His ability to deliver you is not dependent on your confidence in yourself, but in your willingness to trust in His promises for YOU. If you are weak in your faith, do not pass go but go directly to Him and ask Him to increase your faith. Big secret, NONE of us conjure up faith on our own, it is always and forever His gift to us:

Matthew 7:7-8 NKJV

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."

I feel like I've made such a mess of my life. There go those negative thoughts!

Hey, it's actually a great place to be when we come to the end of ourselves, it's where His best work begins. Jesus take the wheel

I try so hard, then sometimes I stop, lie down in the quietness and listen for a word from Him. I don't know what else to do right now. I'm really struggling.

Once again, you are making excellent choices:

Psalm 46:10-11 NIV

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress."

I prayed earnestly for you to arrive victoriously through your valley. We all have been through them, and still go through them, but grow stronger after emerging from each one.

There is no doubt that He wants to bless you like He has us, because He loves you no less than He loves any one of us. He's already told us HIS plans, and how we can best cooperate with Him in seeing their fruition:

Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

We are praying earnestly for you and available for sharing your journey any time you feel the need. Iron sharpens iron! Just continue to be patient with God and with yourself. A new day is just on the horizon!

God bless!

Believe it and you'll receive it:

 

[Teresa W.]

Joseph,

I've read your response like 5 times now. Thank you soooo much! I greatly appreciate your prayers as well.

I had a rough day yesterday, but I'm already feeling better this morning. I realized just now that a better phrase for 'wanting to give up' is 'I need a break'.

During our study on negative thoughts (Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer), I've realized the importance of not only banishing those negativities, but replacing them with truths/Biblical Words/positive thoughts.

​

Matthew 12:43-45​

43 “Now when the unclean spirit comes out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came’; and when it comes, it finds it unoccupied, swept, and put in order. 45 Then it goes and brings along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they come in and live there; and the last condition of that person becomes worse than the first. That is the way it will also be with this evil generation.” NASB​

​

I don't want to just sweep my mind clean, but also re-fill it with all things worthy.

Philippians 4:8​

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.​

Have a blessed day.

 

[armchairscholar]

Ever since I was eight and learned to crochet, I've always had a desire to learn most anything related to arts and crafts. I've spent most of my life trying to hone my creativity. Trying to figure out which art or craft was for me.

I've taken so many classes, bought so many tools and supplies and never seemed to get very far with anything. I'd get really 'into' something for a while, even yrs. at times, then lose interest and start to learn something new. Finally, I decided to go back to college to take art classes and get some advice from my teachers. I got my Bachelors degree in 2022 at age 55. It felt good to finally graduate, but I also didn't feel any closer to figuring things out.

Finally about 3-4 months ago, something switched inside me and I lost all my desire for art. It wasn't instantaneous, more like over 4-6 weeks. I became less and less interested in working on any of my projects. Now, my art is dead to me. My desire turned to apathy, then disgust.

My feelings toward art now are anger and betrayal. Our house is so filled with arts and crafts supplies/equipment that we can't have people over. I want to declutter, but I don't know what to do with all this stuff. It's become so over whelming.

My therapist isn't convince I'm completely through with art. He thinks maybe my desire will come back. But if it doesn't, and because art has been part of my identity for most of my life, then I'll have to go through a grieving process to let it go.

Feeling pretty lost right now, though I know God's got me. It just feels like if art wasn't ultimately for me, then I've wasted decades of my life on it. I'm looking for a job, but I've got no skills other than art.

Thanks for reading all of this. Let me know if you've been through something similar.

Maybe you just need a break from it to learn to appreciate it again? Something you've done your whole life, you tend to take for granted.

 

[Joseph G]

Joseph,

I've read your response like 5 times now. Thank you soooo much! I greatly appreciate your prayers as well.

I had a rough day yesterday, but I'm already feeling better this morning. I realized just now that a better phrase for 'wanting to give up' is 'I need a break'.

Amen to that!

During our study on negative thoughts (Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer), I've realized the importance of not only banishing those negativities, but replacing them with truths/Biblical Words/positive thoughts.

​

Matthew 12:43-45​

43 “Now when the unclean spirit comes out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came’; and when it comes, it finds it unoccupied, swept, and put in order. 45 Then it goes and brings along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they come in and live there; and the last condition of that person becomes worse than the first. That is the way it will also be with this evil generation.” NASB​

​

I don't want to just sweep my mind clean, but also re-fill it with all things worthy.

Philippians 4:8​

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.​

Have a blessed day.

I just knew that you were in a place of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, as evidenced by your wonderful reply. The Scripture you quoted is potent against the enemy, isn't it? You got it, girl.

God bless!