lost dad

[djkibler2000]

i have not seen my dad since i was 3. in 98 we found him, he is now an
athiest, just married a new wife, 2 years ago. now cause of her he doesnt
call or write any more i am a twin and we are both hurt
what should we do just keep ignoring him

 

[dsdumpling]

If you can contact him, do it. Keep sending him letters or calling him. That way you'll know that you tried.

 

[deornie]

My folks divorced when I was 5

 

[phoenixdna]

Wow. Thats a tough one. I have no idea. But what dumpling here said sounds good. That might clear your conscience later in life. After he passes you might look back and wonder what if you'd tried harder. I can't imagine what it is like in your shoes. So I know this is easier to say than to do in your situation. BUT you might want to face the possibility that he doesn't want a relationship with you. That would be a problem on his end (of course) but if that is the case then attempting contact might be hard on you. You could end up being hurt by a man who just doesn't care.

If you are strong enough you can try to win him over and it might pay off. Maybe he'll see your love for him and it'll help him see things clearly. But at the same time be careful not to torture yourself. I can imagine this leading to more resentment and pain on your part depending on how he reacts to you.

I can't understand the new wife excuse. Doesn't make any sense. Seems like if he wanted to be a part of his sons life that he would make a way.

 

[lisajane]

As others have said just keep on trying send letters to keep him upto date with your lives (you and twin). Dont ever give up be like JESUS as he wont give up on your dad. i have just bought together my dad and sister after not talking for 13 years with the help of JESUS through lots of prayer. These were 2 very stubborn people hence the reason they hadnt spoken for so long. It is still a slow process but at least they are talking now theres even talk of spending Christmas together PRAISE GOD. So just keep trying and pray.

 

[mesue]

Keep praying for him. Nobody is beyond God's reach.

 

[traingosorry]

Keep praying for him. Nobody is beyond God's reach.

exactly!

He's an atheist eh?
Remember you can show him the love of Christ through your letters. Maybe that is the only exposure he will have.
Pray that God reveals to you what your next step should be.



Heather

 

[LynnMcG]

Something I read in my devotional this morning is striking a chord here...

The reading was on loving difficult people. What struck me in my reading was 1Cor 13:4-8 (TM) "Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self ...isn't always 'mefirst,' doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others ...puts up with anything ...always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps gong to the end."

My twin sisters are witches. I dabbled in Wicca a little before I was saved so I know where they are right now, sort of. We were raised Catholic and my family is convinced my sisters are fine since they were baptized as babies. I struggle with this all the time. I cannot believe how blind they can me. I can't explain fully how great the impact of witchcraft is on their lives, but suffice to say the enemy is completely destroying their health and truly on the verge of killing at least one of them.

My problem is that these women are adults and behave in a way that is completely unacceptable to most around them, so it's nearly impossible for me to be around them. I get dragged into fights with them (ours our verbal but they actually, physically fight -- btw - they're 36 years old). I get so angry that I say things I shouldn't and find I'm not speaking to them for weeks or months on end.

But I know I'm wrong. I'm working on fixing that and in doing so, I will continue to pray for them. I don't have to provide the answer to them. But I can lead a life of example and pray that the Lord will place workers in their lives who will also help lead them to the Lord. And I have to believe this. We have an unhealthy relationship that is damaging to my small children so I can't be in physical contact with them.

So I guess, in the end the most important thing you can do is to pray. And pray, and pray, and pray...

Keep the Faith!

Yours in Christ,
Lynn

 

[Wahwax]

Don't be pushy, but try to keep the channels of communication open.

 

[djkibler2000]

thanks to all of you who responded to me it means alot to know i can actually talk to someone else about this besides my twin
thanks dk

 

[bliz]

You are not ignoring your father. He is ignoring you. If he were calling you and asking to get together and you did not respond, then you would be ignoring him.

My answer is going to be very direct and blunt. If you don't like that, please don't read it.

I am concerned becsue, at age 41 ?, the questions seems to be assuming that this is somehow your fault. That you have done someting wrong, and if not, then your Dad would be in contact with you. And, it's isn't the fault of his current wife, either. he has proven with how he has lived his live that he will do what he wants to do. He does not wish to be in contact with you and your sister.

That is rotten and awful and wrong. But that is how it is. Somehow, in your 40s you are still trying to please and earn the love of a Daddy that you deserved to have had back when you were a kid and all of the years growing up. And he wasn't there to give it to you. And he is not going to be there to give it to you now. The love was not there becasue of who you were or becasue you were twins or for any reason at all. It wasn't there because he could not or would not give it.

Once a year or so send him a note so he has your address and phone numbers, but I honestly think you will be better off if you stop waiting for the phone to ring. You need have no guilt over not reaching out sufficently to him. You did not keep yoursel;ves away from him.

The next 40 years of your live should not be and need not be concerned with your father's failure to be the kind of father to you that you needed and wanted and had every right to expect. It's a fact. It's part of who you are. But that does not need to define you or limit you. His actions say a whole lot about him, and nothing about you.

 

[forgivenmuch]

if it was me.. i would not even bother him.. he cheated you out of knowing a father. if he does not see what he done then why would you even continue on.. its his lost now.. you already lost as a child. he must of never really cared.. he needs jesus but wont even beleive. hes a selfish person to do his children that way. you have really tried to make ammends when it should of been him to do it. i would continue on praying for him but i would not let his life interfer with yours. he does need jesus as we all do.. but he is the only one that can make that choice. i am so sorry that you have dealt with this. my niece has dealt with the same thing in her life. shes to the point of saying now that she wont be hurt from her real dad anymore either. theres nothing you could ever do to make up for the yrs that was lost.. and if he is still putting you on the back burner... i would suggest you do him the same ..but pray for him that he would one day turn to God.