I posted in here a few months ago regarding my non-feelings for my husband. I am still in the same place i was then and have been for 22 years now. i hate sex with him i feel like i am being raped wen wo do have sex. i never look at his face and only talk to him about things that need to be dicussed. I dont know what to do any more. I live my life filling it with my kids and work and school to keep myself from thinking about how unhappy i am. at times i can handle it and others i just want to die. I have asked God to take me out of this life to make this emptyness stop. I just dont know what to do.
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losing my soul
- Thread starter Lorie
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searle29678
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I didn't see your last thread. Has your husband done anything to hurt you? Do you remember what happened to make you feel this way? I guess I can't understand or help without some of the background on why you might feel this way.
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He is a good man and father. he knows how i feel and stays anyway. he has never done anything to hurt me. we dont fight at all. i was 19 when we got married and i regret not having any life before. i feel that is just took the first offer i got without looking for what i wanted or needed from a man. when you are 19 u look for the coolest car. about 2 years into the marriage i started looking for something else and have not stopped looking.
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ruby_redeemed
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Have you tried marriage counseling? I don't believe a divorce is an answer, I don't know how you feel about this. It doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your husband, you talk very nicely of him, so why is it you are so unhappy?
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MERCY@GRACE
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Hi Lorie, I was also wondering if he did anything to make you feel this way. Glad to hear he is a good dad and hubby. Is he saved? How is your relationship w/ Christ? It sounds like you are at a place where your look for others to make your life happy. I really don't have much insight to offer, but I would try to stop focusing on the negatives( which doesn't sound like too many) and concentrate/focus on the good that's in your life. Are you healthy? How about praising God- b/c thousands of ppl have just been told they have a terminal illness today. Do you have a roof over your head, good family and friends? It doesn't take long to find something to be thankful for. Have you and dh tried marital counseling?
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searle29678
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Everyone on here thinks "Gosh, she knows someone who has been through everything." To a certain extent that's true but I like to use examples.
My mom met my dad when she was 20, he was 18. They both wanted desperately to move away from their parents and they got along so well that after four months of dating they got married. My whole life my mother has complained about my dad. She doesn't want to sleep with him, go out with him, kiss him, be near him. She will admit, like you, that he is an excellent father and husband. Maybe I'm a bit biased, but I don't think they make em like my dad anymore.
My mom's problem is herself. SHE isn't happy with her life before she got married. SHE isn't happy with who she married. SHE's not happy. With her it isn't what can I do to make others happy--it's what are you gonna do to make me happy and make me feel better about my past? If she would take one second to look at herself she would know that she doesn't need better life choices to make her feel better, she just needs to love herself.
It's not my dad's fault (or your husband's fault) that you feel you made the wrong choice.
It's not fair to your husband, your kids, or you to spend the rest of your life in guilt, despair, and unhappiness. You make a conscious decision to be unhappy. Pray that God will heal you of this. Let God show you what you need to do to feel better about you and your marriage. If you did leave your husband, would you feel any better about what happened or didn't happen 20 years ago? My mom is always looking for that one thing that is gonna make her smile again. What she doesn't realize is it's the one thing she has been blaming her failures on--my dad.
I don't know how you really feel deep down inside, but I know that God doesn't want you to suffer and the answer to your happiness may not be outside, but inside, your marriage.
My mom met my dad when she was 20, he was 18. They both wanted desperately to move away from their parents and they got along so well that after four months of dating they got married. My whole life my mother has complained about my dad. She doesn't want to sleep with him, go out with him, kiss him, be near him. She will admit, like you, that he is an excellent father and husband. Maybe I'm a bit biased, but I don't think they make em like my dad anymore.
My mom's problem is herself. SHE isn't happy with her life before she got married. SHE isn't happy with who she married. SHE's not happy. With her it isn't what can I do to make others happy--it's what are you gonna do to make me happy and make me feel better about my past? If she would take one second to look at herself she would know that she doesn't need better life choices to make her feel better, she just needs to love herself.
It's not my dad's fault (or your husband's fault) that you feel you made the wrong choice.
It's not fair to your husband, your kids, or you to spend the rest of your life in guilt, despair, and unhappiness. You make a conscious decision to be unhappy. Pray that God will heal you of this. Let God show you what you need to do to feel better about you and your marriage. If you did leave your husband, would you feel any better about what happened or didn't happen 20 years ago? My mom is always looking for that one thing that is gonna make her smile again. What she doesn't realize is it's the one thing she has been blaming her failures on--my dad.
I don't know how you really feel deep down inside, but I know that God doesn't want you to suffer and the answer to your happiness may not be outside, but inside, your marriage.
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searle29678
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Do you want to love him? It almost sounds like you are so set on leaving that you haven't even tried to change things.
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Nikoel
Warrior for Christ
Please do not think I am trying to offend you.
It sounds as though you are done trying to make this work, although I don't know that you have tried. Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you tried to make your marriage be filled with love? Or have you just given up?
I think this is a decision you need to make with God, with your husband, with your pastor, with those who care about you.
It sounds as though you are done trying to make this work, although I don't know that you have tried. Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you tried to make your marriage be filled with love? Or have you just given up?
I think this is a decision you need to make with God, with your husband, with your pastor, with those who care about you.
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ruby_redeemed
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Nice may not be enough for you, but that is what you, you really need to work on this with your hubby. God has you two together for some reason, and I think you need to figure out what is wrong and start working on it.
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searle,
I have asked God to change the way i feel. I have everything but feel love for my husband. everything else in my life is good. Your mom does sound like me. but i need someone to tell me how to change the way if feel. i have prayed and that gets me no where. i need hard cold instructions no one seems to have. I have looked up books and internet sites i have been to counseling 3 different times. i am at the end of my rope! every one says i need to change the way i feel but no one can tell me how to do that.
I have asked God to change the way i feel. I have everything but feel love for my husband. everything else in my life is good. Your mom does sound like me. but i need someone to tell me how to change the way if feel. i have prayed and that gets me no where. i need hard cold instructions no one seems to have. I have looked up books and internet sites i have been to counseling 3 different times. i am at the end of my rope! every one says i need to change the way i feel but no one can tell me how to do that.
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ruby_redeemed
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It doesn't sound like you have just excepted that you are in a marriage. You said your started looking for something better just after you got married.
Except your husband for being a nice guy and thank him for not being an abuser.
Except your husband for being a nice guy and thank him for not being an abuser.
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ruby_redeemed
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I don't he is missing something, I think it is you. I really hope not to offend you, but if you can't pin point what he is doing wrong, then it must be coming from within you.Lorie said:
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MERCY@GRACE
Well-Known Member
Lorie said:
That's pretty scary! If there is nothing missing and he is not a bad person, what would happen if you found someone worse than him. Have you contemplated an affair? Have you thought about how this makes him feel -that his wife is not in love w/ him? If he is still treating you good, and your actions aren't being reciprocated-he sounds like a keeper
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MERCY@GRACE said:That's pretty scary! If there is nothing missing and he is not a bad person, what would happen if you found someone worse than him. Have you contemplated an affair? Have you thought about how this makes him feel -that his wife is not in love w/ him? If he is still treating you good, and your actions aren't being reciprocated-he sounds like a keeper
then what is MY problem and HOW do i fix it...... Please dont tell me to pray.
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ruby_redeemed
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