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danstar

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Hi everyone, hope your weeks are starting off ok, just creating this thread as i got some thoughts going around in my head and need some help to try work out what might be the best thing to do in this situation.

So to give some background and i think I have spoken about this a little to some of you, I have in the past being in a long term relationship that lasted about 4 years and ended early 2014. In the time between now and than i have gone through quite a few changes in my life and have gone from a sad lonely depressed kinda feeling penetrating throughout alot of things in my life, to a place where i feel abundantly happy in almost every area in my life. God has done a significant restoration in my life and has turned so much around in my life.

As part of the turn around in alot of areas in my life i feel my heart has healed and i have dealt with alot of the issues that arose through the breakup and I feel comfortable to be able to converse with my previous partner as we do share some common friends and activities due to us being in 2 different campuses of the same church. So in my heart, I have moved on and feel ready to take the next leap in life onto bigger and brighter things and a friendship is very slowly starting to bud, it isnt much yet but i do see some signs it might develop further down the track.

So i have a couple of questions, I still have some photos up on my facebook of my previous relationship one of them in particular is her kissing me on the cheek and theres several other photos of me and her looking happy together. So 1) In moving on in life would you take down these photos considering i still have some communication although not very often with her. And 2) Should i approach the subject with my previous partner informing her considering if i go on her profile i still see these photos up on her photos.

I just feel i guess that i should start to slowly lay a possible foundation for what could develop in the future or do i just bring up the photos when the time comes down the track if something does develop with my new friend


I hope this doesnt sound silly but I just want to do the right thing as i feel i did mess alot of things up in the past. Thanks for any advice that i do get, i feel safe that i can ask questions here and i am thankful for that and the friendships i have through this site
 
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timewerx

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If you broke up under "good" terms (no fighting, no infidelity, etc):

I wouldn't take her photos down. The only thing I would do is unfollow her news feed - this is the best way to keep communications open but not see her updates (unless you deliberately visit her profile page).
 
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blackribbon

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I'd take them down. Either you have a bunch of other pictures and you won't miss those or you only have a few and the ones with your ex have too much significance. Either way, why would you keep them up except to maintain a tie to that person.

The real life equivalent is would you keep these pictures displayed in your home or put them away in a box if you wanted to start a relationship with a new person. And how would she feel to see your ex's pictures still in your house. It is different if she was the mother of your children and your children were in the picture. It would be different if she was in a group photo and you really wanted to display the other people because they are significant to you.

If you start to date someone, she is going to spend time going through your pictures to look at you when you are not together. Do you really want her focused on the ones where an different woman is kissing you? Do you want to look at pictures of a different man kissing or cuddling her?

Having them up is a way of saying that you haven't really moved on and she is still significant to you. The fact that you know these pictures are there and having doubts about them means you can't say they don't mean anything to you. I wouldn't even make them private. If they are memories you want to keep, download them, print them and put the picture in a drawer or box with the pictures of your best friend from 3rd grade whom you haven't seen in over 10 years....then delete them off of facebook.

As for the pictures on her page, they are hers to worry about. Stop following her if you want to remain "friends" on facebook but you better have a real need for that connection like that is how you find out about events at church or something. Otherwise, it is best to let her out of your daily life if you were that connected to her and had that hard of a time letting her go. Otherwise, it looks like you are just hanging on "just in case".....and your potential new woman will feel like the "backup plan" or "sloppy seconds".
 
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