Looking for advice.........

[OrderMySteps]

Okay I've been with my girlfriend now for about 4 months and we've grown extremely close. She was everything I could have ever asked for in a mate, and more. She told me about her sexual history and told me that she had only had sex about 3 times in her life so that didn't bother me. Later the number went up to about 15, and still I brushed it off cause I really care about this girl. A couple of days later she finally told me the truth, she told me she was sexually active over 150+ times. I didn't know how to react cause I was kinda in shock and mad. Now she's always crying when we talk cause she know that I'm thinking about everytime I get quiet. I'm finding it very hard to get over all of this, and I don't want her to cry over how I feel about. Are there any suggestions on what I should cause I really don't know what to do now. I'm not mad at the fact that she has had sex so many times, I'm more along the lines of disappointed cause she didn't tell me from the start. What can I do to ease the situation?

 

[Stanfi]

Well Hopefully your girlfriend is a Christian and has asked God for forgiveness for her past. If she has, God has forgiven her, the sins are washed under the blood of Christ, and God does not remember them anymore. If she has done this, she needs to realize that she is a new creature in Christ, and not feel ashamed or guilty about her past, but stirve to live up to perfetion from now on. Rember what Jesus told the adulterous woman who the Pharisees wanted to stone.. "Neither do I codemn you... go and sin no more."


If you are haveing problems with this, then you need to pray and seek forgiveness toward the girl for her past. All of this happened before you even came into the picture I am taking it? So, God will love her and forgive her, and you should do the same. Forgiveness is often very hard, but very healing. Also, instead of making her feel guilty love her, lift her up, and show her God's love through your actions. We are supposed to love the ladies in our lives like Christ loved the church. Jesus said there is none of us perfect.. not one.

 

[JahRawks]

I agree, if you truly love her, and still want to be with her, then pray that God would help you to forgive her for her past, and just love her and take her for who she is no matter what she's done, my best friend and my current girlfriend has forgiven me for a lot of stuff that I've done that I've learned from, and plan to NEVER do again, and I'm so thankful for that, cause I've pushed the envelope on things, and I'm glad that she still loves me in spite of all of it, she's what I've always hoped for, someone who loves me and who is willing and able to forgive me for my past, even though I know God has forgiven me for my past, I still needed a girl that would know what's gone on, and would still be willing to forgive me. Just love her the best that you know how and pray that God would put love and forgiveness in your heart. Good luck and God bless -Nathan

 

[desi]

Lets see... She started off lying to you and the number increased up to 150. Run!

 

[Y’VA–REKH’KHA ADONAI]

Lord forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us..........

 

[E-beth]

I am wondering why she had so many sexual partners to begin with. I mean, could she be a sex addict? Or was there a serious self-esteem problem?

Either way, get her to talk to you about it. There might be some issues that you will want to know about. She has to realize that the truth is better than a lie, even when the truth is ugly.

Also, make sure she doesn't need checked out by a doctor. 150 people is a lot! And it is surprising she doesn't have kids...I would say she is very lucky.

Try to look past what she told you and dialogue about how you feel , why you feel that way, and see if she needs help. She has a good guy supporting her.

 

[OrderMySteps]

She hasn't had 150 partners, but it was more along the lines of about 20 something people. She had sex with those people over 150 times. She had a really bad self-esteem problem and she thought that having sex with these guys would help, but it only made it worse. We talked about and she began crying as we talked, but we said that we were going to really slow things down alot. Right now we taking it day by day. I appreciate all the advice that you all have giving me.

 

[elisablaze]

Lets see... She started off lying to you and the number increased up to 150. Run!

it's real easy to say run isn't it. i have a past like the girl mentioned, not as many people, but a past none the less. I am lucky that I found the person that I did and the he did not run. believe me it's not easy being upfront and honest about something like that. If the girl is anything like me everyone in her life has turned away from her and run.

I say give the girl a chance. Talk to her. Make her talk to you. It probably won't be an instant thing. It took a short while for my all layers to peel away. Through the power of God and the love and compassion from another human being, I no longer carry around the guilt and shame that I did for so long.

Ultimately only you can make the decision on what's best for both you and this girl. I will keep you and her in my prayers.
Good luck

~Melissa

 

[JillLars]

I agree with the advice given so far, talk to her about it, if she is a sex addict she should get some help for it, if you were to ever get married, that could potentially ruin things. Also, please be sure she gets tested for STD's, for both her's and your sake, you want to be as safe as possible.

 

[desi]

it's real easy to say run isn't it. i have a past like the girl mentioned, not as many people, but a past none the less. I am lucky that I found the person that I did and the he did not run. believe me it's not easy being upfront and honest about something like that. If the girl is anything like me everyone in her life has turned away from her and run.

I say give the girl a chance. Talk to her. Make her talk to you. It probably won't be an instant thing. It took a short while for my all layers to peel away. Through the power of God and the love and compassion from another human being, I no longer carry around the guilt and shame that I did for so long.

Ultimately only you can make the decision on what's best for both you and this girl. I will keep you and her in my prayers.
Good luck

~Melissa

Maybe I was a bit quick to say run! I was thinking of if my son came to me in a few years with the original problem. She definitely comes with lots of baggage but if you feel God wants things to work out go for it.