Longing for Romantic Love?

[Life2Christ]

What does one do when you long for romanic love? Seriously, what do you do?

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

What do I do? I am disappointed that romantic love has been a rare thing in my life. But I don't consider it the end all and be all and I am not expecting someone to "make me happy" or to make me complete, somehow. At any rate, I know I will be incomplete until Resurrection Day. Whatever one's situation, our lives are often broken and incomplete. I have a lot of goals and interests and I am not busy just to "fill time" until I "find someone" and "settle down." You see, I don't ever want to "settle down." So I am living life - I wish I had someone to share it with - there are parts of my life that are missing without that - but I am not letting that stop me.

 

[Life2Christ]

What do I do?

You didn't answer the question. You waxed philosophically. Don't you ever long? What does one do?

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I keep busy doing things. What else can I do? If you keep busy doing things you are interested in, you are more likely to meet someone you have something in common with. For example, if I go to a concert it is possible I might meet someone who likes the same type of music. But my goal in going to a concert is to enjoy the music and not to have some hope I will meet someone. If I take a class in something it is because it is something I am interested in - I don't expect to meet someone but I am open to the possibility but that does not govern what class I go to. What I don't do is hang around bars looking for a woman to have a "fling" with - that is not what I am looking for. It seems to me that having a busy, full life is a very practical matter and not something philosophical. "Finding someone" is a worthy goal but I don't make it an idol or obsession - not because I hope to be rewarded if I am "good" - I just don't think making an idol of love makes sense. But now I have gone far afield and I am probably not understanding the question.

 

[Life2Christ]

But now I have gone far afield and I am probably not understanding the question.

You answered the best you could. I assumed (wrongly) that I made myself clear. Even thought I know I'm meant to be single and I'm ok with it (this was not a choice but God-given) there are times when I'm crippled by feelings of wanting someone but these feelings come in spurts (usually when I'm PMSing). They are not long-term or constant. Those are the times I dont know what to do with this feeling. I guess I pray them away.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

You buy a cat and become a cat lady! No offense to any cat ladies here lol. I actually love cats!

Even thought I know I'm meant to be single and I'm ok with it (this was not a choice but God-given) there are times when I'm crippled by feelings of wanting someone but these feelings come in spurts (usually when I'm PMSing).

I mean this to help when I say this but if God really wanted you single then at no point would you even have ANY sort of feeling of wanting to be with someone. Usually we think we are supposed to be single from bad relationships in the past or the fact we have gotten older and haven't found anyone.

The very few people I've met who truly are called to be single have never showed any sign of even wanting to be with anyone at any time. Romance movies to them are boring. The idea of sex is silly. Romance to them makes no sense. They have never dated and find the opposite sex about as interesting as a rock.

Given this is the mature section I assume you are above 30 (35). Never give up on finding someone. My dads best friend long ago when they were about 19 wanted a christian woman. But by the time he hit 30 and sort of gave up because he assumed God didn't want anyone in his life. Well at age 43 he finally found someone and got married. He now has two daughters and is sooooo happy!

Sometimes we meet our spouse early, sometimes later. Sometimes not until we are so old that kids don't know what pencils were. LOL I'll pray for you that God fufills event he smallest urges of wanting to find someone!

Which reminds me I can't post here in about 6 days since I'll be married.
::

 

[Life2Christ]

I mean this to help when I say this but if God really wanted you single then at no point would you even have ANY sort of feeling of wanting to be with someone.
.

That's a myth. Even Jesus endured temptation. I know that I'm meant to be single. I'm rock solid in my singleness (except when I'm PMSing).

I really wish you luck in your new adventure as husband and ultimately, father. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and that God grants you and your wife eternal fulfillment through Him.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, I have the desire for romantic love much of the time. I do keep pretty busy and that helps. I find dancing to give me some intimacy with the ladies and enjoy the movement and conversation. I've also been involved with the local personal growth movement. Its been a great place for me to witness of my faith in Christ. But the thing that has helped me the most has been my learning about being intimate(not sexual) and how that has helped me to get the closeness I desire.
Much of these things pastors would feel uncomfortable with people doing. But I find them very meaningful.

What does one do when you long for romanic love? Seriously, what do you do?

 

[Life2Christ]

But the thing that has helped me the most has been my learning about being intimate(not sexual) and how that has helped me to get the closeness I desire.

Continue.......

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Don't get a cat, dogs are WAY better emotionally.

Freak you have to at least come back and post some pics of you and your bride!
See this is what I hate about segregation. It's sounds nice at the onset, oh yeah were all in the same boat.....until someone gets married? Then what? Are we supposed to cut all ties? Is that what those of us did when we married initially? I didn't and I can be friends with married's, singles, widows, DOGS, cats, aliens........

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I'm sorry - finally your question has gotten through my thick skull. I don't know if I was meant to be alone but I do have bouts of feeling lonely. When I was younger, I supressed those feelings - I told myself I was being weak and I had to be strong. But I was going through a number of bad things then and I probably would not have gotten through them if I had not suppressed my feelings to some extent. But you really can't suppress your feelings without it having side effects.

Now I am more mature and I acknowledge my feelings more and they have less power that way. But I try not to dwell on negative things, either. Sometimes when I feel lonely I might sternly tell myself, "Okay, it's likely I won't ever meet anyone, you know life is difficult no matter what." And I say that matter-of-factly instead of in a self-pitying way. And I have never prayed that God would take away my feelings of loneliness. I would rather wrestle with things, even though I may wrestle vainly. It has occurred to me that maybe I am only supposed to experience the dark side of some things. I don't know. Sometmes when I feel bad I take a brisk walk, go to a bookstore and browse around, that sort of thing. I try to avoid false happiness and self pity.

 

[Life2Christ]

And I have never prayed that God would take away my feelings of loneliness. I would rather wrestle with things, even though I may wrestle vainly.

Yeah, I'm all about that, too. I would rather walk through the bad feelings so I can figure them out. I try not to run away from the dark stuff. Plus, it helps to have something to struggle so it makes better communing with God.

 

[dayhiker]

I have been meeting with some groups that recognize that life without intimacy doesn't work for them. There are a number of things we might do. Often we sit close and talk about our life.
We might spend a few minutes looking into each others eyes.
We might touch each others faces very lightly/tenderly.
I like to give massage, so I might swap a massage with someone. Or even just give one.
Last Sunday I was at a person's house who had a hot tub and spent an hour in the hottub talking with people. Gave the lady across from me a foot massage.
There are cuddle parties that some have had, I've not been to one of those.

Continue.......

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yeah, I'm all about that, too. I would rather walk through the bad feelings so I can figure them out. I try not to run away from the dark stuff. Plus, it helps to have something to struggle so it makes better communing with God.

and our struggles no matter what the content of the struggle is, helps us to have compassion on others that might be dealing with the same issue. If we don't struggle we cannot understand someone else that is struggling even though we may want to. I have witnessed this in my life with people that could not understand my plights because their "worst" situations were nothing compared to mine. So even though they could have sympathy for my situation, they could not have empathy. And sometimes people we run across need more than sympathy they need empathy.

 

[Life2Christ]

There are cuddle parties that some have had, I've not been to one of those.

I saw something on the news about this. Cuddling with someone you are not in a relationship with just seems contrived.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, I can see that one could think it is contrived. But the intimate contact that I've had over the last year even with people that I have just meant has meet needs in a real way. I find that I've been very starved for touch and intimacy. Its kinda like the primates that spend time being close to each other to groom each other. Serves a functional purpose of removing parasites. But it also gives them hours of touch and intimacy that our culture says is not needed or even wrong for us. But I find that I have a hunger for that touch and intimacy and that there is a way to get it that honors others boundaries and is an expression of love.

 

[Life2Christ]

But I find that I have a hunger for that touch and intimacy and that there is a way to get it that honors others boundaries and is an expression of love.

Did you ever read the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? That's you!

 

[dayhiker]

I have read that book. I found it very informative. Has helped me understand other people and to know myself better as well.

He did mention on the touch chapter that touch could meet the need that men feel for sex. While that has some truth in it, I'm much prefer to have both. And I don't think touch meet all ones desire for sex.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Did you ever read the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? That's you!

Love that book. Me and my fiance took the free love language test online and found out what we are.

 

[exitstageright]

You answered the best you could. I assumed (wrongly) that I made myself clear. Even thought I know I'm meant to be single and I'm ok with it (this was not a choice but God-given) there are times when I'm crippled by feelings of wanting someone but these feelings come in spurts (usually when I'm PMSing). They are not long-term or constant. Those are the times I dont know what to do with this feeling. I guess I pray them away.

While being a teenager,when I first started to look for romantic partner,it was during the Hippie Era in San Francisco,California.Maybe Dr,Michelle,and Daykiker all remember this song also.


When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies
don't you want somebody to love
don't you need somebody to love
wouldn't you love somebody to love
you better find somebody to love

When the garden flowers baby are dead yes
and your mind [, your mind] is [so] full of RED

don't you want somebody to love
don't you need somebody to love
wouldn't you love somebody to love
you better find somebody to love

your eyes, I say your eyes may look like his [yeah]
but in your head baby I'm afraid you don't know where it is
don't you want somebody to love
don't you need somebody to love
wouldn't you love somebody to love
you better find somebody to love

tears are running [ahhh, they're all] running down your breast
and your friends baby they treat you like a guest.
don't you want somebody to love
don't you need somebody to love
wouldn't you love somebody to love
you better find somebody to love


After hearing that song being blasted everyday,it is no wonder that I looked desperate,when I was younger.