Longing for freedom from bipolar

[Christownsme]

I've suffered from bipolar for about 20 years. It seems like when I get all excited about God's word I get manic. When I'm depressed I feel like I've never had faith or salvation. If I'm riding on middle ground, oddly I manage to creep to mania or depression so I feel "something".

These patterns have driven me as insane as the illness itself did back in the hospital. Right now I feel down, ashamed, unable to trust and believe in God's promises very well, and unable to pray or read. Can anybody else identify with my situation? I just long to be freed from this disease, or to be taken away by Jesus into paradise.

 

[SeraphimsCherub]

Jesus loves you no matter how you feel,and you are saved with an everlasting salvation! You've asked Jesus to be your Saviour,and "He" is! If Jesus Christ has ever saved someone,and they are now in hell, then He is not God,and All powerful over sin,and the sinner's Saviour as He claimed to be! And we know that isn't true!! For greater is He that is in you,than he who is of the world! Read Rom.8th chapter,Psalm 91,and Eph.ch. 1 everyday,and pray that God will fill you with His Holy Spirit all throughout the day, everyday!!! In Christ Jesus i pray this unto you Amen!!!

 

[Jeshu]

I've suffered from bipolar for about 20 years. It seems like when I get all excited about God's word I get manic. When I'm depressed I feel like I've never had faith or salvation. If I'm riding on middle ground, oddly I manage to creep to mania or depression so I feel "something".

These patterns have driven me as insane as the illness itself did back in the hospital. Right now I feel down, ashamed, unable to trust and believe in God's promises very well, and unable to pray or read. Can anybody else identify with my situation? I just long to be freed from this disease, or to be taken away by Jesus into paradise.

Hi friend and fellow sufferer it is good to hear from you.

If been the same as you so much of my life.

But then The Truth sank in!

Love God, self and other is the law

But I didn't love God, self or other when down deep.

So I thank God!
Began to love myself with the love I found from Him.
and I learned to pray fro others when down deep.

My highs have basically levelled out to times of glorious Joy and praise!
In my down I hurt in Jesus arms praying for us all down here - the deeper I go the more I pray.

It took Jesus only 4 years to get me here.

I ate the Bible - BECOMING TRUE I call it - Word for Word I let God tell me what is wrong in me - I love The Bible as no other book!


Today Jesus talks to me from within my heart and all my evil voices have gone and in my addictions have become free to want as I like.

I lost my pride and my arrogance and don't need no good feelings to tell me about God no more - The Living Word teaches me everything.

it is awesome to be loved and to love when down deep. They are my closest times with Him.

Give all your doubts, guilt and fear to Him and love yourself free from them with Him. His grace is astounding about His might who can tell?

All praise to Jesus.

I like to share a poem about this.

Enjoy!

Life's Lesson.

The one thing I learned in my life
Reality has more than one way
For The Truth can torch my soul
or through love take me to paradise.

The Bible accuses me when I seek wrong,
but His love guides me when I seek right.
His Love is so very gentle when I'm His,
but kindles a fire when I walk with the wicked.

At first I saw pain as a terrible liability,
yet suffering has made me a better person.
When young I burned-up my joy for pleasures,
now my joyous heart in thankfulness runs over.

Life gives whatever side you serve
Loving truth or running out of time
All for self means nothing will be left over
While sharing breeds more good for all.

 

[SeraphimsCherub]

God Bless you my friend, and thanx for that message! I pray 1Cor. Ch. 13 all over you,and your family, right "Now" unto you it has already been done by the Holy Spirit through Christ Jesus,and The Father, "our" Father,in Jesus Amen!!!!!!!!!

 

[madison1101]

If you would get involved in a Bible Study, and get a discipleship relationship, someone who you can trust and will guide you in your walk with the Lord, you would find some peace.

Faith for me is based on the TRUTH of God's Word, not on my emotions. I may feel down, and that God is not there for me, but God's Word says that He is faithful, and that He is with me always. Whether I feel it or not, that is the Truth, and I choose to believe it.

Also, be sure your meds are stable. Talk to your psychiatrist and get them stable.

Trish

 

[SinkingShip]

Hi Christownsme,
I've been a Type II BiPolar for half my life now; Delusions of Persecution were the first elements of the psychosis to emerge, and they emerged as a voice in my head that replied as "god" every time I prayed for help in dealing with the depression (and they were NOT nice!). My Faith was obliterated and my perception of God was so seriously warped by the time I received medical help that even to this day I can't read the Bible or enter a Church without becoming angry because for all my faith, my mountain never moved.

After almost a decade of this, I finally had to sit down and assess the reality of my situation: Being BiPolar was not a choice, I was created with it. God knows how my mood swings operate, why I have them, and how they impact my perception of reality and of him. The key thing I found was that through it all, I still believe. My core beliefs in Jesus remain intact (though not from lack of challenge), and thats enough for me to start again. It may take me the rest of my life to come to terms with my anger and sort through what is real and what is psychotic hallucination when it comes to God, but thats ok because regardless of the soil I'm in, I'll keep growing as best as I can.

The key, I think, for you, me, and everyone else here is that we all made a conscious choice to pursue God, and we did it when facing an illness that is considered one of the most psychologically and emotionally destructive mood disorders there is. It won't be pretty, and our faith may experience some ups and downs that would be considered horrific, but maybe thats why Jesus said that having faith the size of a mustard seed was all we needed.

When I get hit with the doubt and the anger in my depressive cycles, I try to mentally "step back" and remind myself that its my emotional state thats talking. When I start to pull out of the depression, I say a quick prayer of thanks that I made it through, and I think that God is infinitely happier than I ever could be that I made it through another cycle without hurting or killing myself. As for you: I'm willing to bet that God is just as happy when you pull out of a depressive cycle. Regarding your feelings of shame about the ups and downs in your faith: God knows whats causing them and he'll forgive them, assuming he even finds fault with them - he seems like a patient guy ;-)

 

[Jeshu]

Hi Christownsme,
I've been a Type II BiPolar for half my life now; Delusions of Persecution were the first elements of the psychosis to emerge, and they emerged as a voice in my head that replied as "god" every time I prayed for help in dealing with the depression (and they were NOT nice!). My Faith was obliterated and my perception of God was so seriously warped by the time I received medical help that even to this day I can't read the Bible or enter a Church without becoming angry because for all my faith, my mountain never moved.

After almost a decade of this, I finally had to sit down and assess the reality of my situation: Being BiPolar was not a choice, I was created with it. God knows how my mood swings operate, why I have them, and how they impact my perception of reality and of him. The key thing I found was that through it all, I still believe. My core beliefs in Jesus remain intact (though not from lack of challenge), and thats enough for me to start again. It may take me the rest of my life to come to terms with my anger and sort through what is real and what is psychotic hallucination when it comes to God, but thats ok because regardless of the soil I'm in, I'll keep growing as best as I can.

The key, I think, for you, me, and everyone else here is that we all made a conscious choice to pursue God, and we did it when facing an illness that is considered one of the most psychologically and emotionally destructive mood disorders there is. It won't be pretty, and our faith may experience some ups and downs that would be considered horrific, but maybe thats why Jesus said that having faith the size of a mustard seed was all we needed.

When I get hit with the doubt and the anger in my depressive cycles, I try to mentally "step back" and remind myself that its my emotional state thats talking. When I start to pull out of the depression, I say a quick prayer of thanks that I made it through, and I think that God is infinitely happier than I ever could be that I made it through another cycle without hurting or killing myself. As for you: I'm willing to bet that God is just as happy when you pull out of a depressive cycle. Regarding your feelings of shame about the ups and downs in your faith: God knows whats causing them and he'll forgive them, assuming he even finds fault with them - he seems like a patient guy ;-)

You know dear friend it is so good to hear from you. I know so very well what you are saying, my life has been like that as well.

You know what I found - that we look outside of ourself or at ourself to see The Wicked - but truly they are in our hearts and rob our minds blind and ears deaf. So they can rule us with their Bad Life and steal our Good Life.

About 5 years ago while I was suicidally depressed - I suddenly met the Light.

Jesus showed me how I ate the crap hopelessness, despair, misery, guilt, shame and fear fired at me because of my illness.

He advised me not to heed my misery, but His Word in Spirit of love for God, myself and other in my heart, and Jesus got me away from my misery though I'm still cycle between high and low.

My place of despair and isolation has become the room to love and be loved - through my faith in God to pray for all who dwell where I must be or lower still. See the good thing of God is that you don't need to feel Him to know He is there with you - just faith in His love and hope for better.

Honest The Bible spoken/directing you within your heart in/through the Spirit of Love for God, yourself and others, will have you meet Jesus at His very best for you in your lowest place of present torture.

Give your pain to Him and ask for His ability to copew with misery and pain - He has The Very Best to share.

Peace


Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.

***