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Is anyone else in a long distance relationship? I am having trouble coping with mine.
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Long Distance
- Thread starter Bumble Bee
- Start date
CounselorForChrist
Senior Veteran
Whats going on thats your having trouble with if you don't mind me asking.
I am in one. My wife is 8,100 miles away so its hard for us while we wait for a visa for her. But its gotten much easier because we talk every day, find activities to do together online...etc. Most important we keep God at the center in those times where we feel so alone. There hasn't been any really bad times yet. Thank God.
I am in one. My wife is 8,100 miles away so its hard for us while we wait for a visa for her. But its gotten much easier because we talk every day, find activities to do together online...etc. Most important we keep God at the center in those times where we feel so alone. There hasn't been any really bad times yet. Thank God.
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I'm just struggling with the fact that we will likely be long distance for at least two more years. Talking everyday is fine, but it isn't the same as being together. And I thought there was a chance that the distance would be gone this fall, but it's not.
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CounselorForChrist
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Going by your status your not married yet. Trust me once you are the pain you feel now, it goes up 1000%. Bonding with someone then having to leave feels like leaving the planet with your spouse and children behind.
Well I know with my wife have been apart for 20 months now. Although to be fair we were together this year to get married. At first it was beyond painful. We spent 2 weeks in deep depression and sad. But it got better over time. One couple we know has been apart 2 years already and may spend another 5 apart due to immigration laws where they live. That amount of time would require super strength. POssibly at the cost of the relationship though.
Yeah being together is far different from being apart all the time and simply talking. My wife and I are bored every day because we miss each other. Nothing we do brings joy. We talk about when we were together but it makes us miss each other more. If theres one thing we learned to do. Its not to put a time stamp on when we might be back together because that only brings disappointment when the time comes and we aren't back together.
Its best to not set a date and just take it day by day, this way your not getting your hopes up to much. For example its estimated we will be together around November. It could be earlier, could be later. So we instead just say we will be together in Gods perfect time. Which does make it feel less stressful. Doesn't mean we don't think about the passing of time though.
Its why we also try to keep busy no matter how boring the task seems. It does help to pass time. Aside from that theres not much I can offer except for praying every day that God keeps you both strong, gives you patient and lets your love constantly grow. How far is he? I know if my wife somewhere in the USA I'd visit her as often as I had money too. But shes so far that its $1500 for a ticket so its near impossible to see her on my budget.
Well I know with my wife have been apart for 20 months now. Although to be fair we were together this year to get married. At first it was beyond painful. We spent 2 weeks in deep depression and sad. But it got better over time. One couple we know has been apart 2 years already and may spend another 5 apart due to immigration laws where they live. That amount of time would require super strength. POssibly at the cost of the relationship though.
Yeah being together is far different from being apart all the time and simply talking. My wife and I are bored every day because we miss each other. Nothing we do brings joy. We talk about when we were together but it makes us miss each other more. If theres one thing we learned to do. Its not to put a time stamp on when we might be back together because that only brings disappointment when the time comes and we aren't back together.
Its best to not set a date and just take it day by day, this way your not getting your hopes up to much. For example its estimated we will be together around November. It could be earlier, could be later. So we instead just say we will be together in Gods perfect time. Which does make it feel less stressful. Doesn't mean we don't think about the passing of time though.
Its why we also try to keep busy no matter how boring the task seems. It does help to pass time. Aside from that theres not much I can offer except for praying every day that God keeps you both strong, gives you patient and lets your love constantly grow. How far is he? I know if my wife somewhere in the USA I'd visit her as often as I had money too. But shes so far that its $1500 for a ticket so its near impossible to see her on my budget.
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No, we are not married. That's why I posted in the "Long term relationships" section instead of the marriage section.
He is only 8 hours away, but that is a long way for college students. I just recently graduated, but I have a job here and can't leave. We see each other every couple months, which is nice. It's just... how can we move forward in our relationship when we are so far apart? It isn't going to change until he graduates in two years. I can't get the time off work to spend more than three days at a time with him, and even that won't happen until Labor day at the earliest because I can't quit my second job until mid-August. I tried putting in notice yesterday, but they won't release me yet.
He is only 8 hours away, but that is a long way for college students. I just recently graduated, but I have a job here and can't leave. We see each other every couple months, which is nice. It's just... how can we move forward in our relationship when we are so far apart? It isn't going to change until he graduates in two years. I can't get the time off work to spend more than three days at a time with him, and even that won't happen until Labor day at the earliest because I can't quit my second job until mid-August. I tried putting in notice yesterday, but they won't release me yet.
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CounselorForChrist
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Ah I see. Yeah that is a long drive, even if on weekends when you have to study. Well you both need to decide if you want to wait however long it takes or maybe just be friends for now. If you really love each other then the wait will be worth it. Usually the scenario in a LDR is someone ends up sacrificing everything to be with the other person.
Obviously your both at points where sacrificing would be hard to do. So you can wait the 2 years then decide who wants to move where so things are easier. If you feel quitting your job is a route your for then that would work to so you can be with him and maybe find a job by him. Whatever the choice LDRs are very tough. Most don't end well simply because of the stress and strain from being apart so much.
It is not easy trying to move forward when that far apart. Do you think you could marry him one day? If so then use that as your moving forward thing. Get to know each other more. Call, talk...etc. Theres not much else to do really in a LDR. Its basically a waiting game of good timing.
I know once me and my wife started dating (more or less online obviously) we wanted to just talk more until we could determine if we would engage or not. So after awhile we felt things were good enough I asked her to marry me online. At that point we didn't set a wedding date. We instead said "Lets save money for a wedding and when we have enough we will get together and get married." So its what we did for over a year of saving. Once the wedding was over we decided on the next step on the honeymoon.
Although at this point obviously our case is a bit different because shes overseas. But we are still planning out her moving here, job opportunities, driving lessons....etc.
Obviously your both at points where sacrificing would be hard to do. So you can wait the 2 years then decide who wants to move where so things are easier. If you feel quitting your job is a route your for then that would work to so you can be with him and maybe find a job by him. Whatever the choice LDRs are very tough. Most don't end well simply because of the stress and strain from being apart so much.
It is not easy trying to move forward when that far apart. Do you think you could marry him one day? If so then use that as your moving forward thing. Get to know each other more. Call, talk...etc. Theres not much else to do really in a LDR. Its basically a waiting game of good timing.
I know once me and my wife started dating (more or less online obviously) we wanted to just talk more until we could determine if we would engage or not. So after awhile we felt things were good enough I asked her to marry me online. At that point we didn't set a wedding date. We instead said "Lets save money for a wedding and when we have enough we will get together and get married." So its what we did for over a year of saving. Once the wedding was over we decided on the next step on the honeymoon.
Although at this point obviously our case is a bit different because shes overseas. But we are still planning out her moving here, job opportunities, driving lessons....etc.
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CounselorForChrist
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I just realized your other post in the other section.
If your both seeking Gods will then thats really the best step to take. We made 100% sure God was for us before taking any big steps this way no one got hurt. I didn't engage to her until I prayed and fasted for an answer from God. Which might I add praying together (even if online or on a phone) bonds you closer. Sending each other daily devotions...etc. As you build up your christian life together you will know more about if you want to be with them.
Its great hes encouraging you in your faith. Its what I did to with my wife before we married, especially when we met for the first time. I would take her to the beach and we did devotions, prayed together...etc. It felt really good. He sounds like a good man from what you said so far. There doesn't seem to be any red flags really. Which is always something to look for.
I know you said he lives at home, which more and more college people are doing because they can't afford to live anywhere else. In my case I am disabled so I live at home not really by choice. But when my wife gets here and gets settled we will find our own place. It helps having supportive parents that have turned half of the house into a more private area for me and my wife.
If your both seeking Gods will then thats really the best step to take. We made 100% sure God was for us before taking any big steps this way no one got hurt. I didn't engage to her until I prayed and fasted for an answer from God. Which might I add praying together (even if online or on a phone) bonds you closer. Sending each other daily devotions...etc. As you build up your christian life together you will know more about if you want to be with them.
Its great hes encouraging you in your faith. Its what I did to with my wife before we married, especially when we met for the first time. I would take her to the beach and we did devotions, prayed together...etc. It felt really good. He sounds like a good man from what you said so far. There doesn't seem to be any red flags really. Which is always something to look for.
I know you said he lives at home, which more and more college people are doing because they can't afford to live anywhere else. In my case I am disabled so I live at home not really by choice. But when my wife gets here and gets settled we will find our own place. It helps having supportive parents that have turned half of the house into a more private area for me and my wife.
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Luther073082
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Drive there every other weekend.
My wife lived a thousand miles away from me and I saw her about as often as you see your boyfriend who's a short 8 hour drive from you.
Say you get off work at 5. Thursday night, pack your stuff up and put it in your car. Go to work on Friday and when you get off work leave straight away from work to where he's living. You get there at about 1 am, get some sleep, spend Saturday together and Sunday morning together. Leave Sunday about noon, get back at 8 and get some rest.
If the driving is tough check into how might flights and even trains cost and if that is feasible.
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TheyCallMeDavid
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I was in one. She was in Tucson,AZ and i was in northern Illinois. It lasted about 1 year and involved a couple trips down there and her coming up to see me once with her grandkids.
The dynamics in a long distance relationship are not conducive to really getting to know someone inside and out, for, it really requires constantly being around that person to see how they react in all sort of situations that crop up . You just cant substitute being physically together with emails, pics, phone calls, etc...most of the time.
In time, the relationship i was in became less appealing to me based on the extreme distance plus some other flies in the ointment such as her adult children not living on their own and taking money from her left and right for their drug and alchohol habits. I learned some valueable things from this relationship including to carefully examine the ENTIRE situation before jumping into a one on one commitment with a woman . As you become older, youll notice that the baggage usually increases in everyones life and you have to determine if the baggage is too much or not (same for your baggage too) .
In conclusion, i would never entertain a long distance relationship again... only as Friends with nothing more .
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I've been in them. In fact, the majority of my relationships have been in LDRs ranging from no so long (two hour drive) to very long (other side of the globe). It's rough. I'm moving for school, so I'm about to be in one again. The problem with LDRs is that you have be that much more intentional about putting aside time to talk to that person and going to see that person. You can't be spontaneous, as you can if you live twenty minutes away from someone.
As for advice? Well, the take it day by day suggestion was best. It may turn out that the relationship isn't strong enough to survive the distance, but that's OK, too. Part of being in a relationship is figuring out if your lives fit together. Finding out they don't isn't necessarily a bad thing even if it is a sad realization.
Ultimately, it'll be up to you and your boyfriend to look at the quality of your relationship and determine if you can put sufficient time and energy into it to make it successful and satisfying for your both. Good luck with whatever outcome you find.
As for advice? Well, the take it day by day suggestion was best. It may turn out that the relationship isn't strong enough to survive the distance, but that's OK, too. Part of being in a relationship is figuring out if your lives fit together. Finding out they don't isn't necessarily a bad thing even if it is a sad realization.
Ultimately, it'll be up to you and your boyfriend to look at the quality of your relationship and determine if you can put sufficient time and energy into it to make it successful and satisfying for your both. Good luck with whatever outcome you find.
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iambren
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Fast and pray,listen for the Lord's leading if this is a likely investment. If it is then someone must move. The last LDR I had was the woman I married....then divorced. MUST spend time to discern how the relationship will grow.
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dayhiker
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I'm in a long distance relationship now as well. 8hr drive. But she flies to see me. as she can get here before I get off work on Friday and leave Monday. While I'd travel Friday night and Sunday afternoon.
She is the one that wanted this relationship. I felt it was too far. So I told her not for me to expect that I'm going to meet all her needs from this far. Heck, I don't even feel I cam meet any ones needs when we are close by! She wasn't happy when I said that, but its being real and I didn't want her thinking I was accepting more than I could deliver!
She is the one that wanted this relationship. I felt it was too far. So I told her not for me to expect that I'm going to meet all her needs from this far. Heck, I don't even feel I cam meet any ones needs when we are close by! She wasn't happy when I said that, but its being real and I didn't want her thinking I was accepting more than I could deliver!
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