long distance relationships

[Super Kal]

i have recently gotten into a long distance relationship with a young lady, however, i do admit, as a man, it is difficult simply because of the distance... I'm not saying, though, that there aren't advantages, because there are advantages to it, but having said that...

to those who have been in or are in a long distance relationship right now, what did you do or are you doing to persevere and endure through it?... advice, support, encouragement, or suggestions would be gladly appreciated

 

[thoughts]

I am right now in a very very long distance relationship. I'm in Canada and she's in Ireland. There are alot of difficulties, but I find one thing that makes it much easier is that you both completely trust each other. If you don't develop that trust, alot of really hard to deal with things can work their way in... jealousy is a really hard one.
Depending on where you're at in your relationship, you may have to recognize that eventually you're going to have to close the gap, and be together more regularly, and if that is something that is going to strengthen your relationship or strain it.

 

[mina]

We talk every day- EVERY DAY. It's so important to be in constant communication. And we try to get together for authentic face to face time as often as possible.
Trust is EXTREMELY important. And we've made a commitment to each other- we both see this relationship going somewhere so we each want to invest in each other. The relationship is not just one-sided or "let's just play around and see where it goes". We both see it going somewhere so we each take the iniative to be involved in the others life.

 

[Super Kal]

well, right now, it just started... we are very open with one another, communication is not a problem at all. the only thing that is a struggle for me personally is the lack of physical affection we get to share... which also could be a good thing, i guess.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

I was in a long distance relationship for four and a half years.

Honestly, I think you should meet sometime soon, if you haven't already. The only reason that I was able to do it is that we had three months together before we had to become long distance, and in that time we had already decided that we would be married. It was a total accident that we had to become long distance. I don't recommend it for a long period of time, although I believe that every relationship should go through a period of long distance of at least six months if at all possible. It's to test how true they are to you and how serious the relationship really is.

 

[Super Kal]

oh, i definitely intend to meet her, no doubt about that... I'm spending christmas and new years with her.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

I would say do as much talking as possible and try not to get too physically involved. My husband and I had gotten rather physical every time we did get to see each other (which was about two weeks a year on average, we lived coast to coast.) It's rather hard talking to someone you care about/love every day and not being able to see them and sometimes you just want to find some place, any place to be completely alone with them but you need to curb the temptation because it just makes it worse when you need to separate from them again.

 

[Super Kal]

we talk as much as we can every day, whether it be through text or the phone... and as much as we both want to be together, we both understand the boundaries that we set for one another. I know personally I dont want to take advantage of her in any way when I see her, just because of my own convictions of what a pure and holy relationship is.

as for me, I'm being very, very cautious when it comes to her and my heart. I'm not putting everything into it simply because, it's a loong distance relationship, and, if I do, and we break up, I'll be devastated, so I'm taking this extremely slow.

I'm not in any rush to do anything with her, and I'm certainly not in a rush to be physical with her. this space apart from one another is teaching us both the meaning of patience... and personally, me, self control and endurance.

 

[Alysonsdad]

I think the biggest thing to come to terms beyond a relationship based on God, is with is one of you being willing to move It does not have to be right now, but I was in a long distance relationship once (opposite coasts) and yet she could not move here, and I could not move there so the relationship hit an impasse that we could not surmount.

I am in a long term relationship now, but its 174 miles apart so I see her quite often in relative terms. This is much easier, but the best part is, she is willing to move here which makes a huge difference. (Being a sheep farmer, I just can't pull up stakes and move!) Because of that, I can see a future for us that I could not before, and makes the relationship really develop because there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope and that is the one thing God gives out like candy; hope!

Just be diligent too though; when you are first in love, your mind get clouded with possibilities, but after a few months, reality hits very hard. Try not to make too many life changing decisions too early when you are in this early love euphoria.

 

[Super Kal]

i can honestly say I dont have that "love euphoria"... maybe its because of the distance, but I'm nowhere in a "head-over-heels" thing with her. I was in the past with other people, but I've learned to really, really guard my heart from infatuation.

I dont know where it's going to go, so im taking everything step by step, and i refuse to rush head first into something like this. It wouldnt help me, and I know it wouldnt help her

 

[Rai1234]

In addition to talking (and texting), we write letters which is a nice change, we also have a private blog for both of us where we upload pictures, links, write little things, etc. it's nice because you have an archive you can look back on and its something to share. We also use Skype a lot and we will have dates where we watch a tv show or movie on the computer and watch it at the same time while skype is on, so it's like watching it together - we can comment on whats going on, etc.

hang in there! if you work out a routine, you can do it and enjoy it!

 

[Luther073082]

My wife and I where long distance up until the time we got married.

Call and talk every day, no matter how busy you are, you arn't too busy to say "Goodnight, I love you."

Also make it a point to visit as much as reasonably possible. My wife and I where over a thousand miles away but we made it a point that one of us would visit the other at least once every 2 months.

Visits are important. If possible while you are on one, have a second one planned, sometimes it may be best to plan 2 to 3 visits in advance. This is important because it gives you something to look forward to, AND makes it a bit easier to go home because you know when you'll see eachother next.

Our first visits together where really tough on us (in terms of leaving) because we didn't plan several visits in advance. After we started doing that it was a lot easier, still tough, but easier.

Although I will admit that the toughest one for me was the time when she was up to see me and I asked her to marry me. After she left, I was so depressed I was afraid I might have to go into therapy. I got past it obviously, but for some reason that particular visit was really difficult to let her go.

 

[middo1985]

I'm currently in a very long distance relationship (Perth, Australia and New York State). We've been together for 17 months now and we got engaged in June. Wedding is in 2012.

As many have said, communication is a very big part of making it. My fiancee and I video skype 3 times a week and chat skype most other days. We also make sure we know the 'next time' we'll see each other in person. My fiancee actually arrives in 3 hours time!

Communicate, communicate, communicate

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

My wife and I where long distance up until the time we got married.

Call and talk every day, no matter how busy you are, you arn't too busy to say "Goodnight, I love you."

Also make it a point to visit as much as reasonably possible. My wife and I where over a thousand miles away but we made it a point that one of us would visit the other at least once every 2 months.

Visits are important. If possible while you are on one, have a second one planned, sometimes it may be best to plan 2 to 3 visits in advance. This is important because it gives you something to look forward to, AND makes it a bit easier to go home because you know when you'll see eachother next.

Our first visits together where really tough on us (in terms of leaving) because we didn't plan several visits in advance. After we started doing that it was a lot easier, still tough, but easier.

Although I will admit that the toughest one for me was the time when she was up to see me and I asked her to marry me. After she left, I was so depressed I was afraid I might have to go into therapy. I got past it obviously, but for some reason that particular visit was really difficult to let her go.

What my husband said

 

[waves16]

I was in a long distance relationship for a year. It was tough, but there were a few things we did to make it easier. We agreed that no matter what, we would always text each other "good morning" and "goodnight" every day. Even if we were too busy to have a lengthy conversation, it was nice. Having webcam conversations were definitely great too. Writing letters was one of the best things, because we'd always look forward to getting one in the mail for days! Always know the date of your next visit, because even if it's months away, the anticipation will keep you going. Even just planning a phone date or a webcam date a few days in advance is exciting. It's definitely hard to go without seeing somebody, but the more communication you have, the better!

 

[The Nihilist]

My goodness, how do all of y'all wind up in these things? Long distance sounds awful, and I'm surprised anyone would do it. That said, a lot of people here in courting couples seem to, and I don't know why that is.

 

[Luther073082]

My goodness, how do all of y'all wind up in these things? Long distance sounds awful, and I'm surprised anyone would do it. That said, a lot of people here in courting couples seem to, and I don't know why that is.

Its increasing in frequency I think due to the internet.

Prior to the internet you couldn't really meet people who where far away from you. The only way LDR's developed then was because one person moved away or something like that.

Now because of the internet you can meet people who are compatable with you, go to visit them, start a relationship etc.

Like a lot of relationships start on here not because the people are really looking for one on CF. But because they are in a place where people of compatable religious, moral, and ethical views gather.

LDR's are tough but not impossible.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

In our case we met at college and had to go into long distance because he got severely ill. Since my family believes in arranged marriages he didn't pass, so we weren't able to be in the same area and had to become homeless in order to get married.

 

[The Nihilist]

Since my family believes in arranged marriages he didn't pass, so we weren't able to be in the same area and had to become homeless in order to get married.

Wait, what?

 

[Keturah Nikole]

I am in somewhat of a long distance relationship myself. I have to say that the way it has worked out so far is that we Facebook chat, message, post on each other's walls, Skype chat, and Skype video call, write letters, call each other, and text. (Oh the wonders of modern technology. 50-60 years ago, all we could have done was write letters or call each other. We're blessed.)

My goodness, how do all of y'all wind up in these things? Long distance sounds awful, and I'm surprised anyone would do it. That said, a lot of people here in courting couples seem to, and I don't know why that is.

How do you wind up in LDR? Easy, at least in my case. We met at college last year(we were both Freshmen). Half way through the academic year we started dating. Before we started dating, we had talked about his dream to join the Navy. In March of 2010 he signed up. In July of 2010, we felt that we weren't really ready for a true dating relationship, so we took a 'step back' and became just really close friends with the possibility of someday being more than just friends. He left for training September of 2010. (For the two months of training the only contact we were allowed to have was through handwritten letters. I treasure those.) He called me the night before graduation and I missed his call, but I still have the voicemail. (I listened to it many times that night, just to hear his voice.) Since graduation he has texted/skyped/facebooked/called me many times, and vice versa. We talk just about every day now.
No, we're technically not a couple at this point in time, but if you ask any of our friends they will tell you that we might as well be, cause we act just like we did before we broke up.
So, yeah, LDR are easy to get into. We met, he joined the Navy, LDR.