Long distance or...

[Loukuss]

So Ive been with my gf now for just over 2 years. We've have a few break ups in the middle and some problems throughout, but we are very much in love with each other. She is an amazing women! Her love and compassion absolutely floors me. She has some growing up to do but so do I.
anyways, we have been doing long distance now for just under a year. Been able to have a few visits in the period but she lives 3000 miles away right now. It sucks.
I'm trying to get her to to move out this way but that would mean that we would have to live together, as she knows no one out this way. We have talked about marriage a bunch and really feel that its meant to be but we dont want to ruin anything.
Is the long distance a good idea? Should we continue that or have her move out here and live together?

Im pretty confused about our next move and really want some christian advice.

Thanks.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Moving in together is a bad idea. Why can't she move to your town and find roommates or something? Why can't you move to her town?

 

[JadeTigress]

I know I'm not a Christian, but I don't see a problem with moving in, provided you both have a nice long discussion about it and decide that that's what you both want. You can't stay long distance forever. Well, I guess you could, but that would make your marriage a little difficult.
If you two don't spend time together, and thus get to know each other's little quirks and whatnot, before you're married, it's going to be difficult. Moving in together, while still not married, could be very beneficial to you, as long as you've discussed it like I said before.

I do know what you're going through, though. My boyfriend and I are doing the long distance thing, and we rarely ever get to see each other. We've been together for a year and 4 months. I plan on moving in with him in the summer, so by then we'll have been together a little over 2 years.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

The not moving in together is not just a Christian thing. Its been proven that couples who move in together, before marriage, have something like a 75% chance of NOT making it.

 

[JadeTigress]

I know it's not, I was just referring to where the OP said he wanted Christian advice.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I know it's not, I was just referring to where the OP said he wanted Christian advice.

Ah ok, sorry. I must have missed that part. My bad

 

[JadeTigress]

That's alright. I know I don't always catch everything when I'm reading these things, either, so no biggie.

 

[Loukuss]

The not moving in together is not just a Christian thing. Its been proven that couples who move in together, before marriage, have something like a 75% chance of NOT making it.

WHAT?! Is that really true? 75%? I dont mean to souns argumentative, but are you sure? That sounds pretty darn high. Any studies? If thats the case I'd rather do long distance. Wonder what the studies on long distance are...hmmm.

 

[Loukuss]

Moving in together is a bad idea. Why can't she move to your town and find roommates or something? Why can't you move to her town?

Her town is in ontario and I live in british columbia now. I just moved her 9 months ago because of school.
I cant really just move back.
Itd be really hard for her to move out here and get established because she really doesnt have the money for that. Financially, I can take care of us both when she moves her.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

WHAT?! Is that really true? 75%? I dont mean to souns argumentative, but are you sure? That sounds pretty darn high. Any studies? If thats the case I'd rather do long distance. Wonder what the studies on long distance are...hmmm.

Yeah, that is true. Couples that live together have a very high chance of not making it. You are going to have to do the google search for it because I forgot where I got that from.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Her town is in ontario and I live in british columbia now. I just moved her 9 months ago because of school.
I cant really just move back.
Itd be really hard for her to move out here and get established because she really doesnt have the money for that. Financially, I can take care of us both when she moves her.

I think the only option then is for her to get a job and possibly you help her out with moving out there. If she got roommates the costs would be much lower. Why can't she save up for awhile to move out there?

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I think ChildofGod has really good ideas. I also think, if you're sure you want to marry her (and after 2 years it is something you should probably at least be thinking about), then why don't you get married? If you have the money to support the both of you, I think it's a better I idea. As far as the divorce rate thing goes, I have heard 50% divorce rate in some of my classes for those people who live together before marriage.

 

[Loukuss]

I think ChildofGod has really good ideas. I also think, if you're sure you want to marry her (and after 2 years it is something you should probably at least be thinking about), then why don't you get married? If you have the money to support the both of you, I think it's a better I idea. As far as the divorce rate thing goes, I have heard 50% divorce rate in some of my classes for those people who live together before marriage.

marriage is a big step. Im still trying to make certain that God wants us together. somtimes I wonder. Having her move out here and us having some time to be together would really begin to answer some questions I have. Probably for both of us. I really love this woman but want God's blessing on it. Its hard to figure out if we are meant together when we never see each other...

 

[r1nn]

As far as the divorce rate thing goes, I have heard 50% divorce rate in some of my classes for those people who live together before marriage.

Actually, out of all the marriages out there, only 50% last a lifetime according to statistics. Divorce is very, very common.

Living together or going through marriage are both big steps to take. If you're having doubts on any of those decisions, the best thing would probably be to either wait it out, or see if you guys can possibly move closer to each other. From what I've seen, relationships tend to go smoothly when things are taken one step at a time, nothing rushed.

 

[Blank123]

why not look and ask around for her? Check with your church, someone may have an extra bedroom they'd be willing to rent out and as for your gf i'd just say she would have to earn some money and then make the move out to be closer to you, if you've lasted this long in a LDR you can probably last a few more months. and as someone who has been in an LDR for over a year i can assure you it is possible (even if it seems hard and impossible) to wait in order to do things right

 

[cakes&buttercream]

I would move her in since you can't do a LDR forever. Not to mention you two have been together for two years already. As for marriage, since you have doubts I would recommend not going down that road since yes, 50 % of marriages end up in divorce.

 

[ANurseInChrist]

marriage is a big step. Im still trying to make certain that God wants us together. somtimes I wonder. Having her move out here and us having some time to be together would really begin to answer some questions I have. Probably for both of us. I really love this woman but want God's blessing on it. Its hard to figure out if we are meant together when we never see each other...

Long distance is fine at the beginning, but marrying someone you don't see on a consistent basis before the marriage is asking for problems in some ways. I hate to be the devil's advocate but I am here for a moment.

How well do you know each other in your daily living? Habits, rituals, church attendance, speech (use of foul language), friends, etc?

It's very difficult to work on a relationship far away if you are thinking of marriage. I am in a LDR but moving to be close to him. Yes, it will be a tough transition, but we will make it work. There isn't anything God can't do, however, God knows we need to know each other on a regular basis before we jump into marriage. I want to know his likes/dislikes, what he is like in the morning, what makes him grouchy, what ticks him off, why he feels the way he does, etc. I want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly before jumping into marriage. The only way I can see that is being close to him. I want to see him on a regular basis to know what I am getting into. I've seen the wonderful side of things, now what is it that I may not be seeing living 750 miles away.

I think that her moving out to be with you and even if you live in separate rooms, you will still get a feel for what that person is like on a regular basis to know if you want to move further.

 

[JoshuaM]

i believe that if both trust God and love God and each other, anything can work out. i love a girl on the other side of the world and i believe in proper time we will marry and it will work out because of our relationship with God and each other. i think it is possible for Lucas too, but i strongly discourage living together firstly. it is better to marry first, not test each other by living together. living together just leaves windows open to temptation and from what i have seen relationships work better if living together is after marriage in most cases.

 

[courtneyhedum]

hmm, you both live in canada, eh? i'd say, find a hockey team that you both like, sneak into the arena, and just live there.
you could each sleep in a separate locker room.
o.o

 

[DaughterOFgrace]

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