Long-Distance Advice

[eaglerider4031]

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now. We're in love, and are both pretty certain that We're meant to be together forever. She is leaving on a mission opportunity called NET (National Evangelical Team) that will have her travelling all over the US for 8 months, working with youth and setting up retreats. Due to the nature of the trip, her phone and internet access will be very limited; she was told to expect 10 minutes of phone time a week and almost no internet access. I'm very excited for her as this has been a dream of hers for a while now. I'm not worried at all about the strength of our relationship, but we're both concerned about what to expect. Does anyone have any advice about maintaining a growing, healthy, long-distance relationship such as this? Thanks in advance for your advice and prayers!

 

[Inperfected]

This may slightly hurt what I have to say, but please do listen... I have some important advice...

I went on a 3 month mission to tanzania and mangaged 2 phone calls of 20 mins each the entire time. I cried nearly every night. He is my fiance, and we'd been engaged 6 months at that point..

1) don't get jealous. make sure you don't, and make sure she doesn't. it's easy to do, and you both need to stay out of temptations way as well...
2) miss her. and tell her. it's easier to deal with as a female if you don't think you are 'crazy; for missing someone when he seems to not miss you. the first time he cried? I realised, ooh he does love me and we will survive this. it wasn't easy tho.
3) try to contact her if possible, and if need be, put money in her bank account so she can ring you, you can get cheapish phonecall cards.
4) Pray like crazy. only god can hold you up through this
5) don't doubt the relationship. If you do, you'll probably not last. doubt clouds normal thinking, and you question whether what you had was true..

6) LOVE IT

The time apart is great and will give you clearer thinking when she returns. it's going to be hard and you WILL cry. but just continue carrying on and you can make it

 

[...butterfly...]

1. call/email her as often as possible.
2. miss her and tell her so
3. remind her constantly that you love her, and that you believe God has put this relationship together for the good of His Glory.
4. pray with her weather over the phone, in letters or emails

I will be praying for you and your girlfriend, I was in that situation with my fiancee 2 1/2 years ago...and I understand how you feel.

God Bless

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Make sure you're not just IN love.
IN LOVE is feelings entirely. Feelings alone won't get you through. You must love the person. Loving means a commitment. In Hebrew the word for love meant "I choose to serve."
Think about that.

 

[Alenci]

Make sure you're not just IN love.
IN LOVE is feelings entirely. Feelings alone won't get you through. You must love the person. Loving means a commitment. In Hebrew the word for love meant "I choose to serve."
Think about that.

This is rather irrelevant to the thread, so I probably should have repped you or sent a PM, but... where did you hear that about the Hebrew word for love? That's really cool!

Edit: Is this the word of which you speak?
In this context it is highly instructive to note that in the course of the book two different Hebrew words are used to indicate “love”. First there is the word dodim, a plural form suggesting a love that is still insecure, indeterminate and searching. This comes to be replaced by the word ahabà, which the Greek version of the Old Testament translates with the similar-sounding agape, which, as we have seen, becomes the typical expression for the biblical notion of love. By contrast with an indeterminate, “searching” love, this word expresses the experience of a love which involves a real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character that prevailed earlier. Love now becomes concern and care for the other. No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice.
Source: http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/b...ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est_en.html

 

[Alenci]

Wow, I killed this thread with my irrelevant and stupid question.

My apologies to the OP.

 

[f U z ! o N]

Wow, I killed this thread with my irrelevant and stupid question.

My apologies to the OP.

It's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Alenci]

It's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, rub it in.

*levels a glare at f U z ! o N*

 

[Devchenka]

If you can't talk to her on the phone as much and write e-mails as often, write letters. I loved to recieve letters from my husband when he was in Coast Guard boot camp, we werent married then.
Pray a lot ask God to give you and her more strength...if you'll concentrate more on what you are doing, church, youth, and if she will concentrate on her job, it would be easyer for you guys not to get in tempations.

 

[Hediru]

Aww, the fact that you're going to be apart is hard enough, but now you're communication will be limited, too? That's really going to be rough. I went through 3 years of an LDR, though it wasn't for the same situation, but I think some of these things still apply.

1. TRUST - don't get jealous. this can make or break a LDR. seriously.

2. COMMUNICATE - take advantage of every means possible. can't call her or email her? write her! even if what you have to say is mundane and boring to you, she'll love it because she'll still feel like she's part of your life.

3. PRAY - everyday! this goes without explanation

Good luck! I will pray for you both!

 

[robalan]

I'm still pretty new at this whole long-distance thing, myself. I am courting an awesome girl who lives half-way across the country from me. We met on another Christian forum. We started by talking for exactly one year, then we just met in person for the first time this last week. It was everything we expected, wanted, and more.

A couple can always argue and have hard times, but when you're in a long-distance relationship, it multiplies the hard times by like a factor of 10. Everything is worse.

I don't know what I've learned. I also don't know what advice to give. I think that we can only do so much. Obviously we need to communicate a lot and pray about things, but I think that at least 90% of it is whether or not God wants it to happen. We can only do so much.

Ever since I met my girlfriend in person, we've gone from talking less than once per week to talking every single day at least once. But more than anything as far as communication, I think we just stick together because we have so much in common and our beliefs and personality traits are very close.

 

[plum]

I have a sneaky feeling that wherever she goes, she will be able to be near a post office. she could send you post cards, small notes, letters, whatever. it's amazing what the written word can mean to you now and definitely down the road as you look back in memory

here's an article that might give you an idea... it's for married couples, but i think it could work in a modified way for you now:
"Penning a Marriage"
http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2006/001/7.22.html

 

[marandalvsmatt]

My boyfriend and I have been together over three years, and we have been long distance the entire time. I see him once every month or two if I'm lucky. All I can say is that you must have trust in one another. You can't have a relationship without trust. You will miss eachother, and I'm sure you'll have times where you cry. Just remember that the other person is more than likely missing you just as much. You are in this together, and it makes your relationship stronger. Just enjoy the little time that you do have to communicate. Sure...it would be nice to have more, but remember that we are all blessed to be able to have even those few little minutes. It could be so bad that you didn't get to communicate at all while you're apart. So, remember to always be thankful for what you DO have. Also just think how sweet it will be when you are finally back together. Don't worry...this is just teaching you to be patient and to wait. "They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength..." God will get you both through it. Just be still and know that God is your comforter, and you are never alone when you may be feeling lonely for the other person's company. God bless you both, and be of no fear. I pray God will do beautiful works in your relationship. Love is a beautiful thing.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

my husband and I were in a LD relationship for 4 years, prior to our wedding, in fact he was only home for 2 months before we wed. We wrote letters to eachother at least once a month, it is really hard to get mail sent on a ship in the middle of the ocean. And then once he learned how to use the internet, we sent e-mails to each other all the time, and he called when he wasn't on a bender, not his best days, but he has come back to a right relationship with Christ, and hasn't had a drink since then. We have been married now for 31 months, and have a beautiful little girl, 15 months. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Counsil]

I suggest traditional correspondance, you know snail mail. That comes with the benefit of giving you guys something physical form one another, something to reread when you are feeling lonly. Other than that, be happy for her.

 

[tayshodd]

Yes, definatly letters....emails get kind of, i dunno, fake after a while. That and phone calls. Stuff that actaully takes effort...email doesnt really take effort, or show it as much as snail mail

 

[Abruer17]

What if they are really busy, with work and such? I think thats what strains on me and my girlfriend.

 

[Tim114]

I'm not that fan of long distance. Although we do get to have contact atlest one weekend a month I still find it hard on myself. Call me love sick but just having to say bye and then hi to missing her within the momment I can't hug... I become depressive... yeah I'm a sad sad man

 

[princessellie]

i like the letter idea, my bf is thinking he may be on a 3mth mission at the end of the year with his church which i doubt ill be on, letters are a great way to keep in contact, they can be written at night when you dont have work to do, can be sent as often as you like and it is always nice to recieve them in the post and know that someone has been thinking of you enought to sit down and write a letter

thanks for the great idea

 

[Inperfected]

If he can , have him get a cell phone... And if you are "very" close, beware, it can take a big toll on the relationship if you let it... If you need any advice about dealing with 3 month missions away (for him or you) then pm me as I returned from one to tanzania in march.