Living with parents

[bluestealth]

I'd like to get some input from fellow Christians about an older guy like myself who just turned 29 and is living with his parents. This is not due to financial reasons as I've always worked and have plenty of money. I do work around the house and did experience living on my own for about 3 months a few years back. We get along very well and I enjoy living here but I'm afraid it may be holding me back and that it might be an issue when I start to date. For reasons unknown, I've been led to be single up until this point so I have no dating experience.

Even though I'm a responsible, successful person I feel like living with my parents will have a negative impact on dating. There's a house very close by that I can rent and I feel like this would be very beneficial to my dating experience. My dad disagrees and thinks I would be wasting my money and not be happy. Our family has generally believed it's best to live at home until marriage. I have agreed with this as well but only to a certain age. I'm wondering if most Christian girls would view my current living situation negatively?

 

[trentlogain2]

how did it go when you were by yourself for the three months?

 

[bluestealth]

It was OK but it was a little lonely. I wasn't dating at the time and most of my friends from school had moved away from this rural area. I had purchased some property and it already had a mobile home on it. I had moved into this mobile home and after 3 months I decided that I wanted to sell it and build a house on the property. Later on I decided it would be best to wait for a wife's input before making such a big decision.

Some of my family think if a girl has an issue with my current arrangement then she isn't the right one for me. This maybe so, but it still might create a more difficult time dating.

 

[trentlogain2]

Do you have a girlfriend now? Personally, I would wait until she comes along. I have a job too, but I live in an apartment behind my mother's house. I enjoy my arrangement.

 

[trentlogain2]

By the way, why do you think living at home will have a negative impact on your dating experience? Why do you think having your own place will benefit your dating situation?

 

[bluestealth]

I don't have a girlfriend now but I am communicating with someone I'm very interested in. It seems like society in general (not sure about Christian girls) would view this negatively and some girls may wonder why I'm still at home, especially if they don't get to know me first and let me explain the situation. They may get the impression that I'm dependent on my parents, even though this isn't the case. In my situation, I'm financially stable, have a strong work ethic, have saved enough money to buy a house, and have just been waiting to get married before moving out.

 

[trentlogain2]

Is the woman you're interested in a Christian? How does she feel about your living situation? Honestly, it sounds like you're worrying about what the lady might think. I'm sure the right woman will understand, and when it comes time to marry you will be better prepared. Look at it this way, living at home helps maintain accountability. You get a girl and want to spend time with her. You have your own place, and it's easier to fall into temptation. Bottom line: I think you're dad is right. I would stay in place and continue to help out around their house until you actually are ready to get married. Women who are single and even dating do this in Christian families all the time. There's nothing to say men cannot do the same thing. Best wishes!

 

[bluestealth]

I just started communicating with her so we haven't gotten into a conversation about the living situation. I do think most Christian girls would be fine with my situation once I explain things. Thanks for all the advice!

 

[iluvatar5150]

I don't have a girlfriend now but I am communicating with someone I'm very interested in. It seems like society in general (not sure about Christian girls) would view this negatively and some girls may wonder why I'm still at home, especially if they don't get to know me first and let me explain the situation. They may get the impression that I'm dependent on my parents, even though this isn't the case. In my situation, I'm financially stable, have a strong work ethic, have saved enough money to buy a house, and have just been waiting to get married before moving out.

But then you said: "My dad disagrees and thinks I would be wasting my money and not be happy."

Being dependent isn't solely about money. Personal and emotional dependence are at least as important as financial dependence and a LOT harder to fix. I would have SERIOUS reservations about dating someone who was 29 and still lived at home, particularly when they could afford not to.

 

[New Legacy]

The reason you live alone is so that she can come over and do stuff with you.

If you plan on finding a good chaste Christian wife, then I cannot imagine why she would want you to have your own place. She might view your relationship with your parents as a positive thing.

 

[bluestealth]

But then you said: "My dad disagrees and thinks I would be wasting my money and not be happy."

Being dependent isn't solely about money. Personal and emotional dependence are at least as important as financial dependence and a LOT harder to fix. I would have SERIOUS reservations about dating someone who was 29 and still lived at home, particularly when they could afford not to.

When my dad is saying this he means that I wouldn't be happy living alone rather than apart from them. I tend to agree because it's not ideal living alone since you have much less interaction with others. I'd be moving out in a second if I was getting married so I don't feel emotionally dependent.

On another note, I'm starting to see a huge difference between secular dating and Christian dating. This is obvious when I read about dating on other forums. It helps to have the Christian perspective since that's how I'm approaching this.

 

[HauntedByYou]

I'd like to get some input from fellow Christians about an older guy like myself who just turned 29 and is living with his parents. This is not due to financial reasons as I've always worked and have plenty of money. I do work around the house and did experience living on my own for about 3 months a few years back. We get along very well and I enjoy living here but I'm afraid it may be holding me back and that it might be an issue when I start to date. For reasons unknown, I've been led to be single up until this point so I have no dating experience.

Even though I'm a responsible, successful person I feel like living with my parents will have a negative impact on dating. There's a house very close by that I can rent and I feel like this would be very beneficial to my dating experience. My dad disagrees and thinks I would be wasting my money and not be happy. Our family has generally believed it's best to live at home until marriage. I have agreed with this as well but only to a certain age. I'm wondering if most Christian girls would view my current living situation negatively?

I suggest taking a less worldly view of dating and women. How about this idea. Be Yourself. And if a woman doesn't like you for who you are and the choices you make, then she can hit the road. If you're content to live where you are and do so then if she has a problem with it, maybe she isn't the right person for you.
I so tire of 'what do guys/girls think of....' threads. Its all so fake sounding. If you have to attune yourself to what you think most of the opposite gender wants, then you are not being honest with yourself, or with the women in question, because you are acting in a manner to attract them, changing who you are to make yourself more broadly appealing. No thanks. I'll continue being myself and if a woman can't handle that, good or bad, then shes not attracted to me. And if i have to put up a front or be something i'm not to get her, then she doesn't really care about me, she cares about this false figure i've created. And in the end that will never work out.
Rather than viewing it as something to be in your way, why not look at it as a chance to weed out those women not worth your time?

 

[Nickybobby]

Rather than viewing it as something to be in your way, why not look at it as a chance to weed out those women not worth your time?

Totally agreed.

 

[Owlette]

I'm wondering if most Christian girls would view my current living situation negatively?

It's actually a relief to know that there are Christian guys out there who are in this situation. I'm pretty much in the same boat, except a couple years younger. My parents believe you don't move out until you get married. They think it's a waste of money for me to move out when I could stay at home and save my money. I feel that same struggle you feel… It's like it's holding me back, and yet if I moved out, I know I would be pretty lonely. It's not that I couldn't handle it. I am also financially stable and responsible like you. I'm also ready to meet someone get married, it's just been hard to find a good Christian guy around here.

Anyway, as a Christian girl, I wouldn't care. I'd be happy you were that close with your family. As long as you are completely ready to start a new life with someone, that's what matters. Sounds like you're ready. Try not to worry about your situation. If a Christian girl loves you for who you are, it doesn't matter where you're living.

 

[bluestealth]

This is the best advice I've gotten anywhere online. It helps a lot to listen to the right people. Thanks everyone!

 

[Owlette]

Awesome profile picture, by the way! I got a kick out of it

 

[bluestealth]

I'm glad you liked it. I think it's pretty hilarious too!

 

[PetLuv]

If you are happy why would you do something different?

Do what you feel is the right thing for you and the people you care about. Don't worry about what other people think - or what people you haven't even met yet think.

 

[jess9450]

I'll be honest with you; this is kind of a red flag for me. It would be different if you couldn't afford to move out, or if you had to take care of your elderly parents or something, but to me it just seems like you aren't mature enough to live on your own, and wouldn't be mature enough for a relationship.

 

[Messy]

It's only a red flag for me if someone can't cook or clean up, because his parents do it. My ex lived with his mother, who picked up everything after him and did his laundry and cooked his food and he expected me to do the same, except he didn't tell me beforehand. Very annoying.