living in temptation and poor--help!!!

DarkCloud · Feb 8, 2006

Hello all, I am new and this is my first post. I come to you today, on the 8th of
February because I have a problem that I think god can only help me with. I also
ask that you guys do not judge me harshly, for you know not my situation fully.
Basically, I live with this roomate, a young woman. She is not my girlfriend but we
have been intamate. She is also an exotic dancer and I work at a resturant and
don't make much money. Consequently, she pays for most of the rent and I try to make her
life easier around the apartment and do favors for her. I have tried to get her to stop
dancing but she always yells at me and aks how she expects us to get by. Now, it is true
that we aren't wealthy. Sometimes we actually have to take showers together to conserve
water. The problem is
that many times she uses the situation to seduce me and I can't resist.
She walks around the apartment half naked. Other times she winks with a slight grin as i
pass her by.
I need to get out of this sinful lifestyle but I really cannot afford
any place to go. I don't have much money, no education, no real friends and my parents
disowned me a long time ago. I use to be into the Bible and church, but kinda grew out of it.
Plus I am almsot too ashamed of how big of a screw up my entire life is. I just want to live
normally and out of temptation. Also I do have some feelings for her, but she has made it
clear that I am only there to temporarily satisfy her. What should I do and how can I get
god to help me? I feel like god has abandoned me.

Heavens_Light100 · Feb 8, 2006

Hello fello brother. I understand your situation very well because I used to be poor as
well. I've learned to accept life as it is. When your barely scraping by I'm sure God
will see that you are doing all you can and will give you a break when it comes to the
gates of heaven. In my situation i was living in my car. Guess what happened, i was
begging for money on the street and an old lady allowed me to live with her. I helped her out by giving her sponge bathes and changing her diapers. I also did small tasks for her like visit the grocery store. When she died she left me her inheritance. God still loved me despite doing drugs when I
lived in my car. You should use your next paycheck on lottery tickets. That will prove
God still loves you because you will win.

goldenviolet · Feb 8, 2006

sometimes to get out, we just have to do it, no matter what the cost. i have met some of these young men in the homless shelters. i participate in community outreach projects. one man i spoke to before service and dinner at the union gospel mision, broke my heart with love. he said, he had gave up everything to get away from drugs. he had found a job while staying at the shelter. he said, "i just thank God that there is places like this to help me get out of trouble... i just pray God keeps me from going back".

your situation is hard to give opions and advice to... but if you see an opportunity to get out, take it. God will restore your life.

we also have a forum for survivors and those whom it effects: about the sex industry. http://www1.christianforums.com/f550-survivors-of-sex-industry.html

you may beable to help her when you get help.

you will be in our prayers. go back to God's word for food.

Angel_of_the_Lord · Feb 8, 2006

God bless your soul!

Let me tell you, God will help you! Believe it with all of your heart, and praise him with your mouth! Mark 11:23 roughly says that if you say unto a mountain "be thou removed and cast into the sea" and you don't doubt, it will happen!

The mountain is your situation. You must know that God will never put more temptation on you than you can bare, and you can take refuge in him!

God loves you, and so do I. I feel for you. I basically am poor right now. Struggling to get by. But I'm rich in spirit, and that's what matters! Care not for material wealth or sins of the flesh! They are useless! They won't be in Heaven because you'll have a whole new body and a mansion up there, better than anything you can have down here! God forgives you; you just have to ask him to!

God bless you!

Er... however... I wouldn't spend all of my money on lottery tickets if I were you. ^.^;;

HonorB · Feb 9, 2006

Just go.

God will provide. He does, always. Though, in my experience, the longer one tries to be on both sides of the fence the harder and longer and less recognizable redemption is.

Also, don't consider not being able to resist. Cut back somewhere else (bars, smokes, cable, name brand lotion) and shower separately. I'm sorry but no matter how attractive your roomie, you can can and should resist. You're being passive and that'll never change your life.

So far as whether she'll give up dancing. Perhaps. It sounds as though she has the seduction as a lifestyle down pat. I used to do that too. Landed me in all sorts of messes.
If you have feelings for her don't be a pet. Don't be one of the guys who, in a few years, she will almost certainly not respect.

Sorry to be so harsh but, sometimes you just gotta' go.
It's not all about money. It's about change and that's gonna' happen whether you bathe or not.
Good luck. Be strong. Don't flirt back. Be a pal and let her know her power exists above and beyond the "skills"

Im-revived · Feb 9, 2006

For a start love no Christian should judge anything you've said. Your in a very tricky situation and need some strong guidance, also you don't grow out of church, praying or the bible. Its by your will power wether you want to make a new start, once youve done that, obviously things won't change overnight, but God will begin to work in your situation. Personally I believe its this girl who is putting the temptation on you, but God can also work in her without you knowing. Try and start church again, pray about your situation and answers will begin to come.

Im-revived

DarkCloud said:
Hello all, I am new and this is my first post. I come to you today, on the 8th of
February because I have a problem that I think god can only help me with. I also
ask that you guys do not judge me harshly, for you know not my situation fully.
Basically, I live with this roomate, a young woman. She is not my girlfriend but we
have been intamate. She is also an exotic dancer and I work at a resturant and
don't make much money. Consequently, she pays for most of the rent and I try to make her
life easier around the apartment and do favors for her. I have tried to get her to stop
dancing but she always yells at me and aks how she expects us to get by. Now, it is true
that we aren't wealthy. Sometimes we actually have to take showers together to conserve
water. The problem is
that many times she uses the situation to seduce me and I can't resist.
She walks around the apartment half naked. Other times she winks with a slight grin as i
pass her by.
I need to get out of this sinful lifestyle but I really cannot afford
any place to go. I don't have much money, no education, no real friends and my parents
disowned me a long time ago. I use to be into the Bible and church, but kinda grew out of it.
Plus I am almsot too ashamed of how big of a screw up my entire life is. I just want to live
normally and out of temptation. Also I do have some feelings for her, but she has made it
clear that I am only there to temporarily satisfy her. What should I do and how can I get
god to help me? I feel like god has abandoned me.

wayoutsidethebox · Feb 9, 2006

You gotta get out of there. I wouldnt dare judge you. Especially after having done pretty much the same thing. I lost my job and got evicted from my apartment and a friend took me in and we ended up doing the same thing.

This seperation and isolation you are in is what you need to develop and use self control. God has allowed this temptation inorder for you to realize where you are in your life. Now that yo know you have problems resisting this woman and that you need more money and resources than you are bale to provide yourself, you have taken the first critical step - you have reached out to Gods people.

Now, you gotta reach out to God, Himself. Literally, tell Him you need him and you know you can not do anything in life without Him. You are totally dependent on Him for everything. You are sorry and apologize for living in a way that isnt the way He wants you to.

After you do that start to thank Jesus for paying your sinful debt. Thank Him forgrace and mercy. Thank Him for not getting her pregnant and not having contracted or passed an STD. Thank Him for making a way in this situation that you cant see you way out of. Thank Him for His existance. Thank Him for being God. Thank Him for being holy... perfect... patient... loving... all knowing...

In order for you to hear what He's gonna tell to do to fix this you have to study the Bible. Get the Everyday Bible (its bright orange) and read the OT from the beginning. Doing this will teach you to recognize when He speaks to you. Whenever, He says do something, do it. Immediately. Just like He said do it.

BTW - the lottery thing... you know better than that. Enough said.

As for having feelings for her, that will pass once you stop doing that thing you do. Trust me. I loved the woman I was with until we stopped.

If you can, find a room for rent somewher with some single, straight men. An ideal situation would be to unite with a Bible believing, teaching and preaching church and work to find a guy or two to room with.

I'll be praying for you. God bless you.

DarkCloud · Feb 11, 2006

Dear all,

I want to thank you all for your replies. You were all very polite and nonjudgemental which I was not expecting.

God still loved me despite doing drugs when I
lived in my car. You should use your next paycheck on lottery tickets. That will prove
God still loves you because you will win.

I bought a couple (not all of my paycheck--that is too risky) and I hope to win to prove god loves me. But I am somewhat scared that if I lose it will only solidify the idea that I am too big of a screw up for god to fix.

sometimes to get out, we just have to do it, no matter what the cost. i have met some of these young men in the homless shelters. i participate in community outreach projects. one man i spoke to before service and dinner at the union gospel mision, broke my heart with love. he said, he had gave up everything to get away from drugs. he had found a job while staying at the shelter. he said, "i just thank God that there is places like this to help me get out of trouble... i just pray God keeps me from going back".

I would love to just get out. But get out and go where? I take the bus to work, or my roommate takes me sometimes if I'm worthy on that particular day. So I don't even have a car. What do I do? Just walk outside and then sit on the sidewalk all day? I'm not sure where you are from, but I don't know of any homeless shelters like you see in the movies.

God loves you, and so do I. I feel for you. I basically am poor right now. Struggling to get by. But I'm rich in spirit, and that's what matters! Care not for material wealth or sins of the flesh! They are useless! They won't be in Heaven because you'll have a whole new body and a mansion up there, better than anything you can have down here! God forgives you; you just have to ask him to!

Okay, so if I stay in this situation and just ask god for forgiveness, all will be okay? That actually makes me feel a lot better now--not as guilty. Thanks!

Just go.

God will provide. He does, always. Though, in my experience, the longer one tries to be on both sides of the fence the harder and longer and less recognizable redemption is.

Thanks for your reply, but it is easier than it sounds. See above. Just go where? Go live in a gutter? I don't really belive that god will always provide. There are a lot of poor people--many living less sinful than me and he isn't providing for them. Millions of children starve to death for example, like in Africa. I've seen this on TV. Though I am thankful god does not hate me as badly--at least I'm not a starving child.

Also, don't consider not being able to resist. Cut back somewhere else (bars, smokes, cable, name brand lotion) and shower separately. I'm sorry but no matter how attractive your roomie, you can can and should resist. You're being passive and that'll never change your life.

Have you lived with an attractive roommate who always wants to cuddle, and resist? I'm looking for real world solutions guys, you underestimate my situation. Again, easy to talk about, harder to walk.

So far as whether she'll give up dancing. Perhaps. It sounds as though she has the seduction as a lifestyle down pat. I used to do that too. Landed me in all sorts of messes.
If you have feelings for her don't be a pet. Don't be one of the guys who, in a few years, she will almost certainly not respect.

True-true.

Try and start church again, pray about your situation and answers will begin to come.

Do some churches offer a pick up. I would need a ride...

You gotta get out of there. I wouldnt dare judge you. Especially after having done pretty much the same thing. I lost my job and got evicted from my apartment and a friend took me in and we ended up doing the same thing.

Your reply sounds the most promising, as you have been there. Please tell me how you got out. I need details about the trials and how you overcame them. Did you do it alone, or did someone help you out with money, etc.?

goldenviolet · Feb 11, 2006

!! God bless you!

you are considering what i talking about the young man did? you can pm me and i will help you research your area.

gospel missions are bible based shelters, counselling, medical health, clothing outlets, and skill training organizations. they are in the USA. i know there are world wide oranizations who do simular things.

i hear so much frustation in your post.
God will provide.

http://www.iugm.org/
http://www.iugm.org/

HonorB · Feb 11, 2006

I think it's fair to say that all and each ofus is feeling for you... I beleive we all know the same sort of situation.
I'm homeless(ish) right now because my living situation was untenable and wrong. Differently wrong, but Wrong. So, what happened? God took care of me and continues to while I do my part. Which leads us to the next thing- Let's say it's not all about asking for forgiveness and you're straight and not hellbound or doin' anything wrong (That's not what I beleive but... I'm kinda funny.)
What are you going to do? You're willing to take thirty minutes to shag... Well, how long does it take on a bus to get to your job?
Sorry to be blunt but all of our prayers and your own... It's unfair to expect magic from God. He does windows.
Good luck but I really think you need to step back a little bit and LOOK at yourself and go from there. (Anyway, is she still as attractive as she used to be before you found her to be manipulative and arrogant?)

wayoutsidethebox · Feb 14, 2006

Forgive me for taking so long. Work...

I'll just have to spell the situation out.

First, I prayed for God to forgive me and help me. (We both did this.) I saved all the money I could by cutting back on everything from phone calls to how much food I ate. After a couple weeks of that and quietly looking for a place, I found a studio that was just over my half of the rent (a little more but it was worth the struggle to live in peace, freedom and not in sin).
Since I didnt have the lump sum of money my mother and sister helped me by putting up the security deposit, application fee and first months rent. Thank God. Once I got in there I lived on noodles, bologna and leftovers and handouts from the folks at church. That starving bachelor thing goes a long way some times.

While in the apartment, I got myself together. I decide what man I wanted to be and where I wanted to go in life. I increased my study time and the quality of my study. I also learned to type well enough to get an entry level job for a decent company.

As for our hearts being attached to each other, we set up strict parameters of how we would interact with each other. This proved to be a bigger struggle than anything else. Since we were already comfortable with each other, after a couple minutes clothes would hit the floor. It took some frustrating weeks, months actually, for us to get control of ourselves. We did... sorta.

We tried to date with the notion of getting married down the road. But that proved to be very misleading since we ended up spending a lot of time behind closed doors. Guess what happened after a while...

Now, we have completely parted. We are still friends but we are not as close as we used to be.

Things have worked out far better than I ever thought the could. Praise God, exclusively.
If you have specific questions about something I didnt mention feel free to ask.

wayoutsidethebox · Feb 14, 2006

I need to add this: what I went through and had to do most likely (99.9%) will not be what you will go through have to do. Thats why I mentioned prayer and study earlier.

Once you develop the ear to hear Gods voice He will guide you through the customized steps that will take you to where He has for you to be.

Angel_of_the_Lord · Feb 14, 2006

I'm sorry that this whole ordeal had to happen...

jacquidube · Feb 15, 2006

What if you dont win the lottery?........Are you then never going to trust the Lord again. I am sorry you were given wrong advice about spending money on lottery tickets.

Gambling is a sin. Do not worry about this though as wrong advice was given. I will pray that the Lord will show you the right way.
I never gamble as God sees this as an easy way of making money and by the way of greed.

love jacqui.

Johnnz · Feb 15, 2006

You have done well. Bless you

John
NZ

DarkCloud · Feb 17, 2006

Thanks everyone for your replies. I tried to save a little bit of moeny this week hoping I could eventually use it to move out in a couple months, like wayoutsidethebox. But what do you know, my roommate finds the cash, takes it, and yells at me for not sharing. She called me selfish and said I was a jerk for using her (since she pays the majority of the rent, I guess). I guess now I need to find a place to hide the money. She also found out I went to this site from the computer's history and called me a dork and loser and Jesus freak. Things are getting awkward now because I think she might think I'm judging her, but this might be for the best, as it might push us away. On the other hand, she has been more agressive with me lately, which is not good. I think she is trying to punish me for not giving her all my money. This is really embaressing as a man to have a woman control your life (I hope that does not sound sexist, but I'm sure men can sympathize with that, if not think I'm a loser because of it). Well the road goes ever on and on I guess.

HonorB · Feb 19, 2006

DarkCloud said:
Thanks everyone for your replies. I tried to save a little bit of moeny this week hoping I could eventually use it to move out in a couple months, like wayoutsidethebox. But what do you know, my roommate finds the cash, takes it, and yells at me for not sharing. She called me selfish and said I was a jerk for using her (since she pays the majority of the rent, I guess). I guess now I need to find a place to hide the money. She also found out I went to this site from the computer's history and called me a dork and loser and Jesus freak. Things are getting awkward now because I think she might think I'm judging her, but this might be for the best, as it might push us away. On the other hand, she has been more agressive with me lately, which is not good. I think she is trying to punish me for not giving her all my money. This is really embaressing as a man to have a woman control your life (I hope that does not sound sexist, but I'm sure men can sympathize with that, if not think I'm a loser because of it). Well the road goes ever on and on I guess.

It's never fun or good to be controlled. (And no, you don't sound sexist for that.)
It sounds like she wants to keep you in context. You have to understand. If a woman understands man's lust as a job/path it is very difficult to reconcile different aspects... And, it is very hard to change the context. She and you are sexual... By your being outside that box... It's alarming. It means there's more to you than your nethers. Sometimes we're a little sexist too.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Feb 19, 2006

You need to get out of the situation. Find another roomate to help with costs. Are you working? Do you attend a church? You could bring this up at church in confidence to a pastor: they might be able to help you to find someone else to stay with.

Just a side comment, but I noticed that you replied to the post on erotic massage parlor and the man who was struggling with his sin. You told him that he hadn't technically done anything wrong yet...I don't see how you can think that when you yourself are in a very bad situation in terms of the female roomate. He has commited adultery (Bible says that if so much as a man looks lustfully at a woman he has commited adultery) and he needs to get forgiveness from God AND from his wife.

Anti Existance · Feb 19, 2006

She walks around the apartment half naked.

Lol, it sounds like you are in heaven already. On a serious side tho, Jesus told us '

29`If your right eye makes you do wrong, take it out and throw it away. It is better to lose a part of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
30If your right hand makes you do wrong, cut it off and throw it away. It is better to lose a part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell fire.

I gues its not a sin since your still single and you have posted that you have feelings of love for her. I feel you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself, because A you are very poor, and B you are in a rut.

I feel that once the oppertunity comes by to get out of there you should get out of there. I hope you don't use her like she does you to satisfy herself. Lust is a sin, but its only natural if you really love her.

The problem here on earth is that one can't live from love alone.(not that i know off that is) , so i hope your not too harsh on her either because she is an exotic dancer , maby you can post this also in the 'survivors of the sex industry' , and ask for advice on how to getting your friend out of there.

Although she might earn much less, it would be better she gets out of that dirty industry.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Feb 20, 2006

This is a sin. Why are people saying that it is not? Where in the scripture would this not be a sin? I'm not trying to be harsh, but I'm calling it as it is in scripture. The good thing? God forgives sinners. If He didn't, we would all be in big trouble. God can save us from anything!!!! Don't let the lies of the devil tell you that this is ok. Don't try to make your guilty mind go away by listening to other people; those who try and make you stay in your sin. Look to scriptures; there is where the answer lies.

I would get out!!! You are believing in the devils lies that God cannot and will not provide for you. You need to see the truth for it will set you free. And if not, then you are stuck in your "heaven" on earth" but will regret it when the real heaven comes.

Ok, enough is enough. I rest my case.

living in temptation and poor--help!!!

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