Little Boy Lost

[TexasBluebonnet]

You never had a chance, little big sister of mine. Our father took you away too soon. Our mother didn’t want it to be that way. I mourn for you every day. There is no grave. Your body is long gone. We have no photos. You didn’t survive the womb. You have no name, so I’m naming you Laura Ashley. There is no lasting memorial, but I know you rest in the arms of the angels and they keep you safe and warm. How I would have loved to get to know you. We’ve never met, but I miss you just the same. My heart has an ache that’ll never go away. Your life ended before it began, you left this world far too soon. Our parents may not have wanted you, but I do. Our father may not grieve your loss, but I do. Every day I think of you. Every day I wonder what might have been. I was robbed of you dear baby brother. You were robbed of life. I not only lost you but any nieces and nephews you might have given us. Children who will never live now either. I look forward to meeting you in Heaven. It’s the only way now I’ll have to see you face to face. Until then, know that I love you, I miss you and I can’t wait until we can walk side by side with Jesus.

In loving memory:​

Laura Ashley Anderson
Conception: August
Death: September 11, 1977
Birthday (had you lived) May 20 (?), 1978​

May you rest in peace Little Girl Lost, in the arms of the angels of the Lord until we meet in God’s Kingdom.

After talking to my sister about this, I feel now that the dates above are more correct. I finally couldn't keep it in any longer and it finally spilled out. It turns out, that she already knew and helped out with the dates and all. The funny thing is, I always knew. When I was 12 or 13 I just knew that I had a sister out there somewhere. I believe my father to be wrong and in the worst case scenario delluded. I believe that he wanted it to be a boy because he never wanted boys to start with. I know in my heart that it was a girl, and that her name would have been Laura.

 

[HopeSeeker]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart breaks for you. Praying for you. Praying for peace and strength always.

Blessed be Tristan Connor's memory.

God Bless.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart breaks for you. Praying for you. Praying for peace and strength always.

Blessed be Tristan Connor's memory.

God Bless.

Thank you. Not a day goes by that I'm not sad about it. I've known this for three months now and all of a sudden I'm finding myself depressed and weepy . My church has a berevement group. I'm thinking of joining it but I'm afraid I'll be laughed out of the room. It's just...he was my brother and that's a connection that not even death can erase. I just wish he could know that someone down here wants him. Thanks again for the post. I do need prayer. I appreciate it.

*hugs*

 

[HopeSeeker]

What you are going through is a normal reaction. Give yourself some time to grieve. My mother lost a child before me. I think of the child and wonder what he/she would have been become or the children he/she would have had. I also lost a brother who was 14 years old and think the same about him. It's totally normal what you are going through.

I am still praying for you. =)
God Bless.

 

[JPPT1974]

Praying for you and that God
Is taking care of Connor like
He does all of His children!

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

Hi and thanks for your thoughts. Last weekend, I had a talk with my sister and it all just spilled out. I had kept it inside for 5 months and couldn't do it any longer. I'm not really the kind of person who can keep a deep, dark secret for long anyway. The strange thing was that she knew. She only found out by accident herself. She told me she walked in on them talking about it. She said that she was in junior high when she found out, so that gave me a pretty good guide as far as timelines. It felt good to talk about it and I had some of my questions answered. She told me that if my mom had have found out about me sooner, that they would have done the same thing to me. I told her that I believed that too, and that I've felt that way for a long time before I even knew about my sister. I think it was a girl because my dad never wanted boys and I feel it was a girl. But my mom didn't find out about me until she was 7 months along, and by then it was too late. So, I guess you could say it's a miracle I'm even here.

 

[HopeSeeker]

Still praying for you.
God Bless.

 

[SantasElf]

praying for you. I hope you can have peace. But why do you want to name a boy a girl's name? Just wondering.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

praying for you. I hope you can have peace. But why do you want to name a boy a girl's name? Just wondering.

Hi. It's okay. I don't mind the question. I posted this thread under the assumption that the baby was a boy. That's because my father told me it was. However, I don't believe him anymore. My gut says that it was a girl. I don't believe that he ever wanted children much less boys. I think my father wants to believe it was a boy because if it was a girl...well that would be worse for him. That and I highly doubt that it would be possible to determine the gender in a first trimester abortion. But really my gut, my instinct, or whatever tells me it was a girl. It may sound strange but I always sort of knew. When I was 12 I knew that I had a sister out there somewhere and that her name was Laura. Thanks for the prayers and the support. Me and my sister had another mini chat about it today. Everytime we do, I cry later. I just feel that no matter how much time I have to process this, it's still going to be a sore subject with me, something that I'll feel guilty about and cry over.