Limits to Premarital Intimacy

[Regality]

This is a question solely for people who believe that premarital sex is wrong. Are there any other limits that you believe are biblical in terms of premarital intimacy? I personally believe that things associated with 3rd base are too close to actual sex that they might be sinful. I don't know if this opinion is actually supportable by the Bible though..

Thanks

 

[Glas Ridire]

How do you define third base? (rhetorical)

I believe casual sex is wrong. I also believe that when a couple engages in sexual activity with intent (to be married) they are. . . The wedding is just a ceremony, it isn't magic. Bedding down with intent for exclusive relationship = consummating marriage.

 

[Regality]

3rd base is (in my opinion) the act of touching your partner's genitals in an attempt to pleasure them. I personally like your opinion of marriage, but I kind of think that the Bible places a deep amount of importance in ceremonies. For example: the covenant between Abraham and God, circumcision (God was going to kill Moses's child for not being circumcised), marriage (non virgin women were to be stoned to death). Not sure if people would consider these examples archaic, but the fact of the matter is that God himself seems to think ceremonies are a big deal.

 

[cow451]

Mary wasn't married to Jesus' father. Mary and Joseph were "betrothed", which is the equivalent of "engaged". However, they were likely married before His birth (but after the conception).

 

[Glas Ridire]

3rd base is (in my opinion) the act of touching your partner's genitals in an attempt to pleasure them. I personally like your opinion of marriage, but I kind of think that the Bible places a deep amount of importance in ceremonies.

Thank you.

I don't know that God places a great deal of emphasis on ceremony, I do think people do. God asked for the Israelites to circumcise themselves to set them apart as a Holy people, different from their neighbors. Actually the Bible pretty welll condemns folks who do outward signs vs. the condition of the heart. Check out what Jesus has to say about the guy who prays and gives in the "offering plate" so everyone can see and here Vs. the little old lady who in faith gives what she really can't afford to. Jesus' first mirracle was at a wedding reception, not a wedding . . . the book doesn't even sugest Jesus showwed up for the ceremony. I am pretty sure God rebukes Israel several times in the OT for being circumcised in body but not in heart. The mesage of the Gospel isn't that you will be saved if you are baptized, but if you have faith in your heart in the saving power of Jesus. Again and again, when you trace origins of ceremony you find people, not God caring about them.

That isn't to say ceremonies aren't important, just, I don't think God cares nearly as much as He cares about peoples hearts and souls.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Some christians I met say if your french kissing then its "sex" and a sin. Some other say if your "petting" the other person its sex. Of course I know people on the opposite side who say unless penetration is involved its not sex.

Me pesronally? I have frenched kissed. I don't think its "sex". But I am not 100% sure about petting, assuming its done so and your fully clothed. I still wouldn't want to do it either way since at that point it will probably lead to some form of sex. When I lost my virginity it was with a woman who kept doing all the right things to get my guard down to the point of we had sex. Of course after she left me she said her main goal was pretty much to strip me of my virginity so I'd be stuck knowing I lost it with the wrong person.

And what about when you just hug your your girlfriend/fiance/spouse...etc. The first girl I was with as a couple, when I first hugged her I got uh... happy. It doens't mean sex was involved. Anyone thats a guy can tell you slot of times you don't always have control of when you become happy. I remember swimming with my female cousins and I got happy despite the fact I had no interest in them. I swear the thin has a mind of its own! >.<

 

[Regality]

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend and I got carried away recently and went to second base. (breast contact) Afterwards she felt pretty guilty and decided to draw back a little. I can understand that she could think it dangerous to do so, but I was a little surprised when she claimed that doing things like that was making her feel less connected to God.

I hold the belief that if you make someone sin, than you yourself have sinned. So by my definition, I've sinned... But to be honest, I would prefer she not see this as a sin and more that we got slightly carried away...

 

[cow451]

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend and I got carried away recently and went to second base. (breast contact) Afterwards she felt pretty guilty and decided to draw back a little. I can understand that she could think it dangerous to do so, but I was a little surprised when she claimed that doing things like that was making her feel less connected to God.

I hold the belief that if you make someone sin, than you yourself have sinned. So by my definition, I've sinned... But to be honest, I would prefer she not see this as a sin and more that we got slightly carried away...

Youth is wasted on the young.

 

[Larry Mondello]

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend and I got carried away recently and went to second base. (breast contact) Afterwards she felt pretty guilty and decided to draw back a little. I can understand that she could think it dangerous to do so, but I was a little surprised when she claimed that doing things like that was making her feel less connected to God.

I hold the belief that if you make someone sin, than you yourself have sinned. So by my definition, I've sinned... But to be honest, I would prefer she not see this as a sin and more that we got slightly carried away...

Her feelings are normal and understandable.

In college, after a church group function, went back to a girl's apt. Soon found ourselves "making out."
My hand started caressing her breast outside her shirt.
Suddenly stopped as it hit me I hardly knew the girl and didn't know why I was doing that. Apologized and ceased any physical contact.
Not sure why I "subconsciously" did that kind of thing and would hope the girl appreciated me stopping.


Should say had gotten sexually involved in HS before I became a Christian the next year, and tried not to do any of that stuff in my 20s...

So it is natural but good to put some limits on yourself.

 

[Regality]

@group postings

I'll acknowledge that limits are good and safe. But did you actually feel that you sinned when you felt the girl's breast in college? Basically, I know it's dangerous, but does that mean we should feel guilty for how close we came to sinning?

 

[Larry Mondello]

@group postings

I'll acknowledge that limits are good and safe. But did you actually feel that you sinned when you felt the girl's breast in college? Basically, I know it's dangerous, but does that mean we should feel guilty for how close we came to sinning?

Good question, Regal.

Looking back, I don't think I felt I was sinning, but felt some conviction.
Something told me I didn't need to be doing that, esp. with someone I barely knew.

It's easy to "put aside" or ignore conviction or that voice you hear in your head when doing something wrong, and later, @25-26, found myself in sexual sin in 2 casual incidents (the most sex I had in my 20s). Knew it was wrong during and especially after.... but.....
At least I learned that casual sex was more harmful than the supposed "great feelings" I'd gain.... so declined some future offers....

In my 30s, engaged in weekend sex with my future wife, as posted elsewhere.
Didn't feel so guilty then. Guess I wasn't "as strong" in my faith as before and felt I was "owed" some things in life.

Yes, that was a rationalization, and recall feeling some guilt, especially when the wedding approached.
Wife wanted to marry in her Catholic church, but I feared they'd "ask a bunch of questions" and tried to find another church. Yes, felt guilty.:o

The church didn't condemn me and found them rather understanding.
The premarital counselors urged us (and the other couples - the counselors asked if we were engaging in sex, everyone answered affirmatively ) to stop the sex until the wedding night, which I agreed to. Forced me to live sexually responsibly and ask myself if I really loved her -- or her body.

Still slept in same bed (clothed) on weekends during the engagement. It's a wonder we didn't "slip."

In hindsight, am glad this all happened. Think I was running from God some, and had a guilty conscience.
We attended her Catholic church after marriage and are stronger in our faith now and am involved in a community church.

 

[Verve]

I think that exact limits really depend on the couple.

Yes, there are the hard limits that people who don't believe in premarital sex generally believe is no-go before marriage.
I'd suggest praying about it and considering what it means to both of you and your relationship with God.

Of course you should be respectful of each others bodies since you aren't married yet.

Just as long as you create a healthy view of your sexuality because if you stop by calling it dirty or sinful this could come back to bite you in the bedroom when you are married.

When you get married you can enjoy each other fully and for many years.

 

[blankgirl]

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend and I got carried away recently and went to second base. (breast contact) Afterwards she felt pretty guilty and decided to draw back a little. I can understand that she could think it dangerous to do so, but I was a little surprised when she claimed that doing things like that was making her feel less connected to God.

I hold the belief that if you make someone sin, than you yourself have sinned. So by my definition, I've sinned... But to be honest, I would prefer she not see this as a sin and more that we got slightly carried away...

I think it's important that you respect her feelings. After all, like you said, she felt guilty about it. While you may prefer that she not see it as a sin, she nevertheless, does, and respecting your significant other is part of love.

 

[Verve]

I think it's important that you respect her feelings. After all, like you said, she felt guilty about it. While you may prefer that she not see it as a sin, she nevertheless, does, and respecting your significant other is part of love.

QFT