Hello everyone,
I just wanted to say HI and give you a little bit about me and my journey. I was raised in church (non-denominational) and I believe God's love kept me from a lot of things that most young kids and teens experience (drugs, etc)... I spent every Wednesday and Sunday in church, working with the other kids in the youth group and worshiping and praising His name unashamedly.
Nevertheless, the reason I joined the forum is because something traumatic happened to my family about 15 years ago, and the adage that time heals all wounds certainly has not proven true for me.
In the late 90s my mother and father divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage. Before the divorced was finalized, my mother had announced her marriage to another man. This man was none other than the pastor of our church (which I had gone to for 6 years)... the pastor in turn left his wife of 20+ years to marry my mother.
Yeah. True story. You can imagine how that messed with a lot of heads. My brother and sister, and most of my family was nearly destroyed, and our ability to talk and relate to one another was reduced to cinders, and has never really recovered. We've never really been a family, or even felt like one since.
In the years since that time, I experienced many ups and downs... great anger... extreme regret... forgiveness... then a re-occurring bitterness... running from God... It's just been a mix boiling kettle in my head. And it's been basically impossible for me to walk into a church of any kind. I just don't trust people in leadership, and I feel uncomfortable in them. And yet, my faith and my beliefs in Christ have remained intact. Or, at least I feel that they have.
As far as my mother goes, there was a lot of "biting my tongue" when it came to dealing with her. She never wants to talk about anything in the past. I have tried to not make her feel guilty for what has passed, but I felt like some of us (her kids) were owed answers which we never received. We never received apologies (and I don't need one any longer, though I didn't realize that until later).
And you know... now that the years have gone, I've become okay with a lot of it. My father died in 2006, and he was never able to make peace with my mother. His death was a huge wake up call to me in my own life. I have simply not been the same since he left the world, and probably never will be. Losing Dad did have a positive effect, and that was that my relationship with my mother slightly improved.
But just when I think things might get "back to normal" or some semblance of normal with my mother, she reverts back to her odd behavior. She seemingly wants nothing to do with us, and takes no interest whatsoever in our (her kids) adult lives. The perception she puts out is very hard to come to terms with. I mean, it's not even hard to email someone in this day and age. It takes 60 seconds to type a few sentences. She never emails me. Never. She never calls, never sends birthday cards, nothing. She was the best mother when we were kids... but ever since she left my father, it's like she divorced us too.
The hard part is that my mother and her husband are currently the head of a church in their home town. They have a congregation. I struggle with the perceived hypocrisy of that. I know God forgives us... and their sins are between them and God, and it's not for me to judge. And yet... here we are on the sidelines feeling left out of their lives. I hate to lay this stuff out in an introduction thread... it might be a bit tactless, so forgive me that as I'm a bit soft hearted (i have my heart on my sleeve, I'm told - haha).
I'm simply exhausted from years of a very deep rooted pain. I've been waiting on the healing of our family. I know we cannot force God's hand... and yet the burden of the years, I feel, is hindering in my own life. I'm married now, in my 30s, and possibly going to be having children of my own soon... and yet, I feel part of me has not been able to move forward in my life because there are things that still need dealing with. Does anyone get where I'm coming from?
God bless you all, and thank you for your time.
Ian
I just wanted to say HI and give you a little bit about me and my journey. I was raised in church (non-denominational) and I believe God's love kept me from a lot of things that most young kids and teens experience (drugs, etc)... I spent every Wednesday and Sunday in church, working with the other kids in the youth group and worshiping and praising His name unashamedly.
Nevertheless, the reason I joined the forum is because something traumatic happened to my family about 15 years ago, and the adage that time heals all wounds certainly has not proven true for me.
In the late 90s my mother and father divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage. Before the divorced was finalized, my mother had announced her marriage to another man. This man was none other than the pastor of our church (which I had gone to for 6 years)... the pastor in turn left his wife of 20+ years to marry my mother.
Yeah. True story. You can imagine how that messed with a lot of heads. My brother and sister, and most of my family was nearly destroyed, and our ability to talk and relate to one another was reduced to cinders, and has never really recovered. We've never really been a family, or even felt like one since.
In the years since that time, I experienced many ups and downs... great anger... extreme regret... forgiveness... then a re-occurring bitterness... running from God... It's just been a mix boiling kettle in my head. And it's been basically impossible for me to walk into a church of any kind. I just don't trust people in leadership, and I feel uncomfortable in them. And yet, my faith and my beliefs in Christ have remained intact. Or, at least I feel that they have.
As far as my mother goes, there was a lot of "biting my tongue" when it came to dealing with her. She never wants to talk about anything in the past. I have tried to not make her feel guilty for what has passed, but I felt like some of us (her kids) were owed answers which we never received. We never received apologies (and I don't need one any longer, though I didn't realize that until later).
And you know... now that the years have gone, I've become okay with a lot of it. My father died in 2006, and he was never able to make peace with my mother. His death was a huge wake up call to me in my own life. I have simply not been the same since he left the world, and probably never will be. Losing Dad did have a positive effect, and that was that my relationship with my mother slightly improved.
But just when I think things might get "back to normal" or some semblance of normal with my mother, she reverts back to her odd behavior. She seemingly wants nothing to do with us, and takes no interest whatsoever in our (her kids) adult lives. The perception she puts out is very hard to come to terms with. I mean, it's not even hard to email someone in this day and age. It takes 60 seconds to type a few sentences. She never emails me. Never. She never calls, never sends birthday cards, nothing. She was the best mother when we were kids... but ever since she left my father, it's like she divorced us too.
The hard part is that my mother and her husband are currently the head of a church in their home town. They have a congregation. I struggle with the perceived hypocrisy of that. I know God forgives us... and their sins are between them and God, and it's not for me to judge. And yet... here we are on the sidelines feeling left out of their lives. I hate to lay this stuff out in an introduction thread... it might be a bit tactless, so forgive me that as I'm a bit soft hearted (i have my heart on my sleeve, I'm told - haha).
I'm simply exhausted from years of a very deep rooted pain. I've been waiting on the healing of our family. I know we cannot force God's hand... and yet the burden of the years, I feel, is hindering in my own life. I'm married now, in my 30s, and possibly going to be having children of my own soon... and yet, I feel part of me has not been able to move forward in my life because there are things that still need dealing with. Does anyone get where I'm coming from?
God bless you all, and thank you for your time.
Ian
